Before I slowly slid into the bathtub I changed into my favorite clothes, my striped hoodie, my ripped skinny jeans and of course and my rainbow converse. Before I go on please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jamie my last name... well that's not something I plan to tell you I'm a fourteen year old whose just looking for acceptance from the world that's around me. I don't fit in society I feel like that puzzle piece that just wont fit but everyone else makes it look so easy. Maybe I'm malfunctioning, maybe I'm broken? I seem to be rambling I-I do that a lot. I've always felt different compared to other girls, but I could never figure it out. I'm not a popular girl and I feel like an outsider looking into the world. I'm only close to a small group of friends those who are in the club I joined T.A.B. Teens Against Bullying. People pick on me because i'm geeky. I've had thoughts of harm but I've never done anything that would intentionally cause me pain.
Its my first day of High school and i'm kind of worried. Everyone's so much bigger than me and I feel like a microscopic ant wandering around in a mole hole... somewhere I don't belong. Oh great just what i wanted, Abby Millers here. The queen of the school and my own personal nightmare.
She's so arrogant and thinks she's amazing because her parents have millions they invented toaster strudel. She's had it in for me ever since her boyfriend dumped her for me, then there was that time I was the DJ for the dance and she tripped on the cord and sprained her ankle but anyways she's dedicated her life to torturing mine. At lunch I found myself covered in spaghetti, Abby's friend Sheena flung it at me. Well that's the last time I ever eat in the lunchroom from now on i'm eating outside where its nice and safe. Then to finish off my "amazing day of fun" I log onto my facebook account and see a video about me. Its Abby pretending to be me she's making me look like a fat cow a big nerdy fat cow! If that's how everyone views me maybe that's what I am. A big fat nerdy cow? That's not me ... is it? It cant be. I-I cant take it anymore! I just cant! She's gone too far this time! All of a sudden I feel a sense of calm I haven't felt for a long long time. I know what I must do, I grab my laptop and decide to make a goodbye video I take the pills out of our medicine cabinet look down at it its my moms anti depressants its a full bottle at fifty pills but I cant get it open. At that same moment mom walks in, manages to wrestle the pill bottle from me while i'm screaming just let me die! I want to die! Six months later i'm being released from rehab for depression. I'm back home now and things have improved. I'm in home school now. My parents pulled me out after all that happened. As we're sitting around the table I make my big announcement "I'm going back to school." Mom and dad look at each other and back at me and ask why? I simply tell them no more running. No more. Ever since I was put into rehab I've been seeing a counselor every week.
Every morning and every night a pill slides down to calm me down. Things are getting better everyday the meds are working. Until one day everything crashed and burned. I come back to school and for the first couple months everything is fantastic my grades are up, my meds are working and even better Abby's leaving me alone I thought this childish feud was finally over and behind me a thing of the past. Then I open up my locker to find a note that says no one wants you here you psycho freak. I come home and see yet again on facebook wall hundreds of comments attached to a picture of my face it has a pig nose photo shopped onto it. I lose control I take the razor of my old pencil sharpener and shove it into my skin, I drag it and watch as I slowly start to bleed. I'd rather feel the pain on the outside then the inside at least that's what the counselor thinks.
I wake up and realize its morning, its a sunny morning mom and dad have gone off to work. I look down and realize what I had done the night before. Just like last time three years to the day I felt a surge of calm. I grab the kitchen knife set it on the bathroom counter and as I slide into the bathtub I change into my favorite clothes. My striped hoodie, my ripped skinny jeans and my rainbow converse. I roll up my sleeves turn on my ipod to full blast and grab the knife. I attempt to slide it into my arm it doesn't go in the first time my arms like rubber. The second time it goes in smoothly. Its like gutting a fish slicing from my elbow to my wrist i'm bleeding profusely, blood streaming down my arm into the water. Yet I feel no pain only peace. I start to go unconscious I fall asleep... forever. Many hours later mom and dad are home. They find me in the bathtub dead. Mom sobs hysterically while dad punches his hand through a window. They call 911 they see my laptop on the table and take it with find the suicide note and read it aloud: Dear World, I couldn't handle the stress and scars that were upon me so I ended it.
To those of you who made my life H*** thanks I hope this stays with you for life. To mom and dad I love you both there was nothing you could've done. Think of me as a unicorn a magical creature who spreads joy to those who need it.