The Ghost of my Past
Her long, almost blinding, white hair rested just past her shoulders. Her pale, transparent body stands just inches away. Her white eyes stared into my brown eyes. My heart beat quickened; I could feel my breath get caught in my throat. Most would be petrified in this position, but I am not scared, How could I be? My dead sister is standing right in front of me. I can't stop the tears from falling.
She just stands there, looking into my eyes with a serene look in her eyes. I can feel my hand shaking, trying to resist the urge to reach up and lay a hand on her face. That would just break the spell.
"It's not your fault." The words left her lips and seemed to dance around the room. With those words spoken she gives me a small, relaxed smile and begins to fade from reality. Now the sobs really started. Memories of a time not that long ago filled my mind. Memories of when my sister was still with me.
The pain hit so suddenly. I sit down on my couch, clutching my heart. Even if it for just a little bit, I want to live in the past. I want my little sister back. I want to hear her laugh. I want to smell that perfume she put on every morning. I want to feel her soft hands when I held her hand to the park. I want my sister back. But that can never happen, and it is my fault.
If I stayed home that night, I could have stopped the fire. That damn fire! It took the life of my little sister. If I was just there, if I didn't go on that stupid camping trip, I could have been there! The tears are now falling full force, leaving small stains as the fall and crash into the carpet below. The rational side of me knows these thoughts are foolish. If I was there I would have died with her. Why did it have to be her though? A young thirteen year old girl. What did she do to deserve to die? I wonder if my parents feel the same way. My dad had to stay late at work, and my mom was spending some time with a friend. Ever since the accident we don't talk much about it. We try to focus more on the present, but it never helps. I was told that this ache would never go away, but over time it would become manageable, well ten years later and I am still waiting for it to become manageable.
I close my eyes and just let the recent encounter fill my thoughts. My sister told me it wasn't my fault. The one in the wake of the whole thing, the one that lost their entire life, told me to move on. And I know she is right. She, somehow, managed to tell me herself. Now I make a promise to myself, no to my little sister, to little Sara, I promise that from now on, I will live my life for the both of us.
Hey, REB and H198Productions and anyone else reading Controlling Force or regrets, I know I said I would update today, but I just got invited to a camping trip with one of my friends so I just don't have the time.