AUTHORS NOTE: This is just a little piece of nothing to ease me into slash original fiction. I've just become the Slash Judge over on ADoR so I thought that I'd best show some of my slash writing – which is actually all over on fanfiction so that people would understand my love for this genre. This is a little story of mine from fanfiction that I've doctored to fit original fiction to have as my first piece. I'm working on an original chapter piece that should be up eventually!
[Don't Call This Love]
The heavy rain was the last thing on his mind as he slumped down on the park bench, his arms wrapped around his waist as he tried to control the heavy sobs racking through his body at that precise moment. A part of him knew that he should have stuck with his gut instinct when he sensed his straight-turned-bisexual-Casanova of a boyfriend couldn't stay away from the ladies for too long. Stepping into his boyfriend's apartment and seeing that leggy blonde in nothing but a towel, her sultry perfume filling up the small space, had been enough to cause him to slam out of the apartment without a second glance. He'd heard his name being called, the desperation in his partner's voice for him to come back, but he'd just kept on running and hadn't looked back.
It was too much to take.
Everyone had warned him that their relationship would end miserably. "Only fools rush in..." had been the repeated phrase from most of his friends. They all knew Fraser's reputation. He had a different woman warming his bed every weekend and they'd all been shocked when all of a sudden he'd announced his love for Russell. He'd stood there, his usual flock of floozies falling at his feet, but his hand had held onto the wide-eyed Russell's as he told them all that they could judge and whisper behind his back but it wouldn't make it less true. Their friends had congratulated them but the warning gleam in their eyes hadn't gone unnoticed by Russell. Now all he could hear in his mind was the chorus of "I told you so". It was inevitable that he'd be the one with the broken heart but they'd nearly made it to a year. One long year of mishaps, arguments and passionate sex. Russell had started to forget about everyone's concerns because Fraser had showered him with love. They'd gone on holiday's together, they went on stupid dates to the bowling alley or to the movies but more importantly, Fraser spent every spare minute with Russell because he said he couldn't stand to be without him.
Closing his eyes, he couldn't tell if it was tears or rain washing down his face but he knew that he was crying all the same. How could he have been so stupid to expect a man that had always been with women to go for so long without one? But a year though... Russell had thought that his partner would have kicked the habit by now. What was the woman? Was she his return back to an old life that he was missing? But was he missing it? Sitting here on the park bench, with an overwhelming ache in his stomach reminding him how sick he felt, he realised that he'd never spoke to Fraser about this. They'd never sat down and discussed how Fraser was finding his sudden change in allegiance.
Then again, Russell hadn't believed Fraser when he'd first sat him down and had explained that he'd been feeling 'something downright funny' whenever Russell was around. He'd gruffly asked if they could figure it out and expecting a conversation, Russell ended up with a clumsy kiss off a guy that he hardly knew. Acquaintances is what they'd been at first. Chance meeting at a function through a friend of a friend and Russell was sure there was another friend or two included on the end of that but they'd felt comfortable together. They'd spent the entire night of the function together, chatting about irrelevant things, and when it came to an end, Fraser had just reached out for Russell's arm and scrawled his number there with a haste 'call me' before he left with his ride for the night. The next morning, Russell had sent a quick text expecting no response but it had been an instant and thus their acquaintanceship started.
"Babe..." the sound of Fraser's voice of the wind and rain caused Russell to look up, a lump forming in his throat as he took in the sight of his boyfriend's tight tee shirt clinging to every muscle due to the rain water. He sounded breathless, as if he'd been running ever since Russell had stormed out of his apartment and couldn't decide where the other man had gone, and when he come to stand in front of him, he pressed his hands to his knees and took a few deep breaths before growling, "I'm not getting any younger you know."
"Well your girlfriend's are," Russell bit out before he could even think about it. Closing his eyes again, he grimaced at how petty that had sounded. Deciding not to give Fraser chance to lie and tease his way out of this situation, Russell quickly continued. "I knew there was something going on." He whispered forcing himself to stand up, his muscles groaning against both the sudden movement and the cold. "We might not have known each other long but I know you!" He growled out, the anger that he'd felt earlier starting to seep back in now that he'd cried away his devastation. "I know when you're hiding something from me but I just thought it was..." He stopped because Russell knew that he hadn't had a clue what it was his partner was hiding from him. Recently he'd been trying to muster the courage to have it out with him but now he didn't need to. "You know what, it doesn't matter what I thought it was. I now know what it is that was bothering you!"
"Hiding something? Russell, I'm not hiding anything!" Moving over to him, Fraser tried to take hold of Russell's shoulders but the latter man quickly ducked away from the touch, his back turning on the man which allowed for him to rest his hand on his shoulders. Instead of moving away, Russell just decided to let it happen and besides, he was enjoying the warmth coming from his partner's hands. "You know what, this is just damned paranoia because you're too afraid, that despite what everyone said, to accept the love that is happening between us!"
Even the heat couldn't stop Russell from moving away this time, turning round to look at him and push him away angrily. "Don't you dare call this love, sweetheart." He growled against the whistling wind, the raindrops heavy on his eyelids as he attempted to lash out again but Fraser grabbed hold of his wrist. "It wasn't love. You can talk all you want about what we had being something special to you but I was just an experiment to you." The harsh reality of those words hit him as he said them out loud and couldn't help but feel his words choking in his throat as he covered his mouth with his trembling hands. "The girl in your apartment just proves that."
Hearing the previous statement, Fraser stared at the other man stunned. How could he even think such a thing? How could he think that he was merely an experiment? In the first place, what kind of experiment lasts nearly a year? Fraser had learnt in the first few weeks that he enjoyed the emotions and feelings Russell could stir up in him and that was before they'd even got to their sexual relationship, which had awakened even more. When he'd told people about it, they'd said that that could have happened with anyone but deep down Fraser knew that it could only be with the only man he'd ever deemed important enough to 'experiment' with.
"Russell," he whispered, using the grip on the man's wrist to pull him close to him, "I'm no good at this kind of thing. Hell, nearly every woman in this god damned town could tell you..." He stopped talking at Russell's glare as he realised that it was Fraser's ways with the women that had started this paranoia in the first place. "However," he decided to change the conversation, "when I look into your eyes, I see nothing but love and I know that..." At the words, Russell suddenly closed his eyes and cursed mentally. "You wear your heart on your sleeve" had been a statement always said about him but he'd thought Fraser too obtuse to even notice. "Don't. Please." Fraser pleaded as he cupped Russell's cheek in his free hand. "Open your eyes, please."
"Fraser, why are you doing this to me?" He demanded to know. "You're the one with a woman in his apartment," and it was a fact that the other man hadn't denied, Russell noticed. "One day, baby, you'll realise that we were good for each other but you have to grow up and get your life together." Reaching up, he cupped the hand pressing against his cheek before taking hold of it so that he could move it, a haste kiss being brushed to the palm before he released it. "We can't go on doing this because we know that the conclusion is one of us going to get hurt, or both of us. So I'm going to be the bigger person and leave." Reaching up, Russell pressed a haste kiss against Fraser's lips, their foreheads pressing together for a few mere moments before he pushed away, turning around as he started to walk in the opposite direction.
Letting out a breath of air, Russell decided that he wouldn't allow Fraser to see his grief at the decision that he'd just made. Even though he knew it was the wrong decision, he couldn't help but feel proud at himself for doing it. It was difficult being homosexual in their small ass town because it was so damned religious but that hadn't deterred Russell. Sure, it was a trial to find relationships but he hadn't done bad. Fraser might have been his first long term partner but he'd had a string of not so serious relationships as well as the odd one night stand beforehand. The biggest fear, like Fraser had said, was that everyone knew that he loved easily and he'd get taken for a ride. Closing his eyes, he laughed as he realised just like he had with Fraser. The word 'experiment', even though he'd regretted it as soon as he said it, still floated about in his head as he realised that maybe it was true. Fraser had used Russell as an experiment.
Sure, Fraser might know now that he was homosexual, or at least as bisexual, but did he have to do it through such experimentation? One whole year of making Russell think that he'd found the one through being the nicest person in the world. Russell had really believed he'd found the one and could even admit that he'd been thinking about asking Fraser if they should move in with each other. They spent every waking minute together at one or the other's apartment so why not just pay one rent, and even then it would be halved because they'd be sharing it! Stupid idiot. He should have realised that was his hint. He'd found himself falling harder for the man than he should have. He'd pretty much asked for it.
He had just reached the park gates when Fraser came up behind him; grabbing hold of his wrist and whipping him round so that they were nose-to-nose. "God damnit, Russell. You're meant to love me no matter what stupid things I have or haven't done!"
With his ginger curls in his eyes, Russell went to push the man way again but Fraser just tightened his hand into the man's shirt so that they'd just go together. "I said, don't call this love!" He repeated again as he kept his bravado up, "this can't be love," but he could feel it dwindling, the look in Fraser's something he'd never seen before and he closed his eyes again so that he didn't have to look at it. "Go back to the girl in your apartment, Fraser. You're a lot safer with them because you know what you're doing."
"I might be safer with them, Russell, because like you've said, I'm amazing with women and I always have been but I feel nothing." He admitted quietly as he cupped his lover's cheek in his hand again, the pad of his thumb rubbing across his forehead before pressing a kiss there. "I was numb with all those women, a robot, and then all of a sudden you came into my life and..." Closing his own eyes, he realised he had to say it out loud. He couldn't bottle up these emotions any more if he wanted to keep Russell in his life. "You made me feel so damned much and I don't want to go back to being the emotionally stunted loser that I was before." How could it feel like his heart was being ripped out when he knew that what he was saying was the truth? He loved Russell. Russell walking away shouldn't have been the reason for him to admit it out loud. He should have said it all along. "I love and need you."
"Who are you trying to deceive?" Russell bit out, not wanting to believe the words because it would leave him back where he started. He'd be madly in love with a man that could up and leave tomorrow with a leggy blonde called Stacy or something. "Me or you?" Fraser moved his hand to the back of Russell's neck and pulled his lips against his in a bruising kiss, a combination of lip, teeth and tongue that showed every emotion that he'd been wanting to talk about since he'd met the other man. The taste of rain wasn't strong enough to mask the fear or even the taste of Russell, a taste that he'd fallen in love with long before he felt brave enough to admit, and it was a taste that he couldn't help but feel addicted to it. Russell's hand reached out, brushing against his chest, and Fraser stiffened as if fearing that he was going to get pushed away but the hand just wrapped around the material of his shirt, pulling him nearer. Smiling at his relaxation, Fraser smiled as he moved his arms around the man's waist and continued to kiss him.
Eventually breaking off for air, Fraser rested his forehead against Russell's as he refused to move his hands from the spot on the other's hips. Smiling as he felt the other man shiver against the cold rain, he moved him closer to provide him with a small amount of heat as he pressed a small kiss to the spot below the man's ear. "What was it you were saying about this not being love?" He challengingly whispered in the man's ear before rimming his tongue along the curve, a smile forming again at the salty taste of the rain. Russell shivered again but Fraser doubted it was from the cold.
"You're a cheat..." the rest of his sentence was finished by Fraser rubbing against him, his erection obvious causing Russell to gasp as his hands fastened tighter against the shirt he was still strangling.
"Are we going to continue this down here because I'd love to," Fraser asked, snaking his hand down and cupping the other man causing him to omit a strangled cry before running tongue up the column of his neck, "but I'd hate being arrested for indecent exposure and what I plan on doing to you is completely indecent." His mouth was back at Russell's ear, the rain starting to end and the sun starting to peek through the blanket of clouds. Typical Scottish weather, was Fraser's thought before he continued on his statement. "I know you've told me not to call this love, Russell, but I think I love you."
Suddenly sobering up, Russell pushed away and shook his head. "Well what does that woman in your apartment say?"
"The woman in my..." He stopped talking as he realised that he'd never told Russell his kid sister was coming over to stay for the weekend, mainly because she'd fallen out with their parents but also because she wanted to meet Russell. "Russell, that's my sister Frankie! She wanted to meet you and our parents have just turfed her out. She'll be here until at least Monday, if the God's answer my prayers." He chuckled as he ran his fingers through Russell's wet curly hair, smiling at how knotted it was as his fingers caught in them. "Green isn't a good colour on you, kid."
"Why didn't you just..." Closing his eyes, the words "she wanted to meet you..." ran through his mind. If this was just an experiment, would Fraser have told his sister about their relationship? Smiling, he couldn't help but chuckle at his jealousy. If he had just sat down with Fraser and asked what was going off instead of letting his stupid paranoia win and storm out, they wouldn't be stood out in the rain wearing see through clothing and freezing their buttocks off. Laughing, he reached up and kissed his partner. "Don't call this anything but love," he whispered causing Fraser to smile, "because baby, I love you too." Picking him up with ease due to Russell being the smaller of the two, Fraser twirled him around as he pressed happy kisses against his partner's lips, cheek and jaw. Once upon a time, Fraser would have cared that people were staring at them but today that was the last thought in his mind.
"I hope you still feel like that after you meet my sister," the man mused as he put him down, his fingers linking through Russell's as he started walking them out of the park so that they could head home. Now that the adrenaline of fighting was over, the cold was hitting him like a thousand knives and he couldn't wait to get into his warm apartment, as well as dry clothes.
"Always baby, always." He promised as he pressed his hand against the man's shoulder, his eyes twinkling with the love Fraser had pointed out to him earlier and decided that he didn't need to hide it any more. He could state that this wasn't love all he wanted but neither he or his partner would allow him to believe that. Now that Fraser had said it out loud, Russell doubted he'd ever start to wonder about the other man's feelings again. This escapade had taught him a valuable lesson of that he shouldn't draw his own conclusions, he should talk to his partner about what was happening or bothering him and never should he believe that he was only an experiment. This, this here, was most definitely your confusing, range of emotions, don't talk to them about it kind of love and as Fraser scraped his teeth against the man's jaw just before they reached his apartment, Russell realised that he wouldn't want any other type as he took Fraser's lips with his. If he could have thought coherently, he'd have realised that he'd known all along that this was Fraser's weird way of saying that this was love but he'd found it hard to believe without the three words.
AUTHORS NOTE: Thank you to Melissaanne for pointing out that I had changed Russell's name in section of this, I hope I have caught and amended them all! Let me know if you spot any other errors!