She felt her breath catch as she took a step closer to the edge. The ground was soft and giving, and the lack of solidity didn't make her any more confident. Thistles and nettles stung at her ankles, and she tried to remember why she hadn't worn her shoes. Perhaps when she had glided from her bed, down the stairs, and out the backdoor, she hadn't thought to pick them up.
No, no she hadn't. She remembered now. She hadn't grabbed her coat either, but the cool wind wasn't chilling as it should have been. In fact, she couldn't feel it at all. It looked as if the very air were woven with moonlight, but she couldn't admire the beauty right then, not with the dark nature of her thoughts. The night held a tingling sense of expectation. Good or bad, she couldn't yet be sure.
The sea was still, and she couldn't hear it's usual roaring crash beneath her, in the cavernous cliffs. Instead she could hear the smooth and steady drag of the of the sea over the pebbles and sand. It was as constant as a heartbeat, the heartbeat of the entire world. She stood in utter silence, and was unsure if she were even breathing, and listening to the soothing sound.
Long after she was gone, this sound would continue. Tirelessly and endlessly, till the end of the earth itself. It was both a beautiful thought, and a terrifying one. The idea was far too big for her, it seemed to overpower her mind, growing too large for her skull till it threatened to burst it. She shook the thought away, a little afraid of the power.
That wasn't why she was here. She took another step towards the edge, and then another, until her toes curled over the ledge. It was so high up, and she gazed out over the endless ocean. The moonlight was so bright, it was like a silvery, ghostly midday. She could see the white caps of waves as they danced towards the shore.
Being so close to the edge was so thrilling, and shot a dark spear of terror through her. Her heart was hammering in her throat, her stomach dropped right through the cliff, and she felt alive.
She felt so alive it was almost painful.
She rocked back and forth, enjoying the urge to do it. To throw herself off, right into the unknown oblivion that was so attractive to her. The unavoidable chasm, that had crushed all joy for her for as long as she could remember, seemed to beckon to her, a leering smile on it's handsome face.
"Time to go, come along. Just another step. You know you want to. Don't you want to know? There's nothing here for you. Come on. Just try it. Aren't you curious?"
Never had she felt like this. In fact, this is why she was there. Life wasn't worth living, if it never seems to be real. She couldn't find anything tangible to hang on to, she couldn't find anything to like herself to her own existence. She was merely a spectator, drifting over the surface of the world, without ever quite touching it. She'd never understood how others could become so invested in their dull, repetitive lives.
But now this. This thrumming fear spreading through her. A core instinct started within her, and became a voice of immense power that at first she could laugh at, but then it got louder, more insistent, and then consumed her completely.
Live. Live. Live. LIVE. Don't let go. Don't stop. Not yet. Keep going. Don't do it. It's not time yet. DON'T JUMP.
It was so loud it echoed throughout her entire being, shaking her to her core. She couldn't be sure what it was, but some force knocked her off her suddenly off her feet. Backwards, onto the cool, grassy ground. The height of the cliff suddenly made her sick. She propelled herself backwards, rolling over to crawl away with desperate speed. She stopped when about ten feet from the edge, yet it still felt too close. Her fingers curled into the heather and weeds that littered the ground beneath her.
She found that she was shaking, the earth seemed to be spinning underneath her, and she held on tighter to the plants rooted into the solid dirt. A howling cry that was so animalistic she barely knew it to be her own suddenly tore through the silence. Then came the sobs. She pressed her face to the ground, and tears seemed to flood from her until her cheeks were caked in mud.
The sobs went on and on, and she had no control any longer. Her cries pierced the night whenever she rose her face to the sky. They were cries of utter and complete relief. She'd felt it, she'd truly felt that glorious terror they call being alive.