Title: And the winner is
Summary: her performance is flawless
notes: EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO ANGST
notes1: I don't know what this is, don't ask me what this is
She is the greatest actress in the world, she thinks with a wry smile. Really, she should have an Oscar already because her performance is simply amazing.
No one suspects a thing either (and why would they? She's an actress remember?) and she expects to keep it that way.
Why let them know? Why let them in on the darkest parts of her life? They wouldn't understand even though they would pretend to, just like they would pretend to know her (and they don't, know her that is. They have no clue who she is behind the pretty mask she wears).
She pulls her sleeves down over her wrists just a little more (can't risk showing any skin, now can we?), her long sleeves. She doesn't wear short sleeves at all and no one asks why, no one even notices (not even her parents and fuck, shouldn't they at least know what's going on with their own fucking daughter?).
She passes a couple of her classmates in the hall and smiles politely (insincerely) at them as they grin and tell her good morning before going off to their own friends.
The smile slips as soon as she's out of sight. She hates them. All of them. For what? For pretending to be her friend? For not noticing her? Or maybe she doesn't hate them, maybe she's jealous (and what's the difference between hatred and jealousy anyway?) that they aren't as alone as she is, that they're the ones who are happy and she isn't (and she deserves to be happy, really, she does).
But she pretends to be happy, she pretends to be okay.
She acts like she doesn't care but really she's waiting for someone to wonder, to come along ("hey you're getting really thin when was the last time you ate and where did the scars come from?"). She's dying for someone to care and ask her if she's okay and mean it for once. She's tired of saying she's fine when she's not. When will they notice that she's fucking falling apart, that she can't take it anymore—
(so there's this bridge just up the road and it's a long way down but the view is pretty).
-and can't they see how tired she is?
They don't and no one comes along and no one asks questions because no one cares—
(just leave now and go up the road, take a seat on the ledge, how far can you fly?)
-so she pretends to be fine and she pretends to be okay and she pretends to be happy.
She's the greatest fucking actress in the world.