failed dreams and suicide notes

it's like falling without an end
or a beginning or a middle
it's just falling, endlessly
into something dark from something dark
and that darkness
blocks all the light and good
and you're alone, afraid, forgotten.

there are monsters calling you home
waiting in your head
and under your bed
and you're just too tired to run anymore
so you surrender as
they eat your soul.

failed dreams and suicide notes
litter the floor like they litter your mind
and it scares you 'cause
you were once this little girl
who hid under the cushions
watching Doctor Who on a saturday night.

but no time, no time
the lullaby of regret is sounding
and girl, you're lonely, lonely
and longing for the future you once adored
but girls who don't even show to the exams
don't get very far, do they? do they?

it's okay, momma whispers
but she doesn't 'cause she's disappointed
because one whiskey turned into seventeen
instead of algebra and fractions
and she wants to know where she went wrong
but you have no answer
'cause you don't know yourself.

maybe it was the nigh
when words turned into lies
and left a bitter aftertaste
or maybe it was when the hands
touched you there and you lost that precious v card
or maybe it was when you became
the half human girl who can't stomach the world.

it's doesn't matter, hush,
we're all mad here.
we'll fall with you into the darkness,
laughing, alone and afraid and forgotten
but alive
and isn't that what really matters?