distorted

i.

she has this belief
that everyone is beautiful
except her.
and it's this belief
that makes her avoid mirrors
because she
makes herself cringe
in disgust because
how could anyone
be so ugly?

ii.

she doesn't like to eat
because food is bad
and maybe
if she doesn't eat,
she'll be pretty
one day.
(but not eating makes
her look sick,
not pretty).

iii.

she cuts because
she likes the pain.
it helps
her forget that she's
still alive
and breathing
and really, her razor
is the best
and worst thing
that's happened to her.

iv.

she listens to music
because it understands
pain and love
and doesn't judge
and doesn't leave.
music makes her feel
beautiful
for a few moments.
it's like an addiction.

v.

she pretends she's okay
and she will be
one day
but not today
or tomorrow
or next week.
she just wants to be pretty
and she will be;
one day, she'll wake up
and the sun will shine
and it'll finally
be okay.