So my sister and I were bored. So we wrote this. We started with no plot. I would write a sentence and then she would. And this is what we came up with. Also, there are parts that may not make sense, as my sister and I didn't know what the other was thinking. Finally, I edited it, clicked the little save button at the bottom of the screen (on fp) and then my internet freaked out and it didn't save. I am to lazy to edit it again. That said, have fun!—Kiyoshi'sGirl64, Kiyoshi and… that chick my parents have convinced I'm biologically related to.

One Big Lie… Or Maybe Several

I stare across the cafeteria, willing him to look up so I can see his eyes again. Those deep pools of blue longing. The problem is, the longing isn't there for me. It is for that whore; there's always a whore.

Today's is a bleach bottle blonde, with a skirt that barely covers her ass, surgically enhanced boobs, a cheerleader's uniform and fewer brain cells than fingers. And it's no surprise that she flounces her little self right over to him.

He simply smirks and drags her into his lap; it's only a matter of seconds before his tongue is down her throat and his hand is up her skirt.

I get up, pull my sweatshirt down, and throw my uneaten lunch in the trash. I think I might draw some stares as I storm from the lunchroom but the only person who really cares is my best friend, who jumps up and darts after me.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jamie hisses, trying not to attract more attention than I already did.

"The same thing as always—the fact that he'll chase after anything in a skirt," I mutter as I angrily spin the dial on my locker.

"Just because you don't whore yourself out like those girls doesn't mean you don't have a chance."

I roll my eyes as I respond, "Jamie, you know that by 'in a skirt' I meant 'female,' not something that was literally in a skirt."

"So what, you're a guy; that doesn't mean we couldn't get you in a skirt."

"On weekends is one thing; at school is another."

"It wouldn't be a problem. I think all your teachers would understand completely."

I hesitate for a long time and then, even though I know he's lying about my teachers understanding, I agree, "Fine."

"Wait, what? That was really that easy?" he asks.

"Good God, Jamie, just write out the contract before I change my mind."

"Oh shut up, it's not like I could force you into a skirt or a dress against your will."

"Don't kid yourself. You'd find a way."

The next day…

"Hey, sweetcheeks, I haven't seen you around here before." Oh crap, he's actually talking to me.

"I'm… new," I manage to force out in my best girl's voice. Shit. What am I going to say when they call my name in class? Actually, it doesn't matter; Alec is the only one who needs to believe this charade and we—unfortunately—don't share any classes.

"Well, welcome to South Ridge High, home of the hottest girls in town," he says, winking an excessive number of times as he says it.

I feel myself flush in embarrassment at his suggestion that I'm a hot girl; I mean, I know I make a halfway decent girl, but part of me was convinced Alec wouldn't think so.

"Do you need help finding your classes? 'Cause if you do, I'd be glad to help you."

I know my face is impossibly red by this point, but I somehow find the words I need, staring at my feet as I mutter, "I'd like that." We walk to my first hour, even though I know exactly where everything is in this school.

He pecks me on the cheek and then walks away, tossing out over his shoulder, "And sweetheart, my name's Alec."

I barely catch myself trying to say, 'I know.'

In class my teacher calls out, "Calvin?"

Crap. "Here."

Mr. Walton looks at me, shakes his head and says, "Carter, why the hell are you wearing—actually, I don't even want to know."

God, I can feel every single pair of eyes on me without even looking up.

Lunch finally rolls around—after four hours of humiliation—and Alec drags me over to his table. All the normal chosen whores are giving me daggers with their eyes. Suddenly Alec's beautiful lips curve downward and he says, "I don't think I ever caught your name, beautiful."

"It's Calv—… Callie." Crap. That was close.

Alec's eyes sparkle in amusement as he says, "A beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

"Thank you," I respond as his lips move in closer to mine.

I act reflexively and push my hands against his chest, stopping him.

"Oh… uh… sorry?"

His blue eyes are completely and utterly confused, rejection being a totally foreign concept to him.

"No, it's my fault. I guess I'm just… really nervous."

"What is there to be nervous about?" he asks, his confident demeanor already back in place.

"Uh… more than you think." Like the fact that I have certain… equipment his usual lays don't possess.

"Don't worry about anything when you're with me, sweetcheeks."

I bite my lip because the flaw in this plan is suddenly obvious: Alec only wants sex, which I can't give him. Unfortunately. Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap. Why did I let Jamie do this to me? I really need a way to get out of this situation.

"Um, Alec?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"I'm not sure I can do this." I look for Jamie to come rescue me.

Thankfully he sidles up to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, saying, "How're you doing?"

"Um, not really sure at this particular moment."

Alec's face sours as he says, "Is this your… boyfriend, Callie?"

"No. I'm her… cousin," Jamie says defensively.

The glint returns to Alec's eyes and the bitterness disappears from his voice as he says, "Ah, I see."

"Yeah. So don't get too friendly with her," Jamie laughs.

There's something in Alec's eyes that tells me he's taking Jamie's words as a challenge and that he has every intention of getting 'too friendly'; I feel like Jamie just made this situation worse. So much worse that I'm tempted to go to the bathroom and rip off this mini skirt.

Instead I just sit there in horror, terrified that Alec will try his hand-up-the-skirt trick and find something… unexpected. Thankfully Alec just says, "I won't try and rob her of her virtue… unless she wants to give it to me, of course."

The bell rings. Thank God.

The rest of the day passes in a blur and then Jamie drives me home, where I slip into my guy clothes. (Finally; that underwire has been killing me all day.) My mom suddenly walks in, looks at the bra and skirt on the floor, looks at me and walks out with her mouth open.

Jamie frowns and says, "I thought you said she already knew about your… hobby."

"Yes, she does. But I'm usually in evening gowns. You should know; you're the one that dresses me."

"And a mini skirt bothers her more than that?"

"Apparently. She may be surprised I fit into Rebecca's clothes."

Jamie snorts. "Just admit it, Cal; you were made to be a transvestite."

"I have no idea whether to take that as a compliment or an insult."

Before Jamie has a chance to answer, my phone rings. "Uh, hello?" I answer.

"Hey, sweetcheeks," Alec greets me. I don't remember giving him my number. But then I catch Jamie covering up a snicker.

'Bastard,' I mouth at my now-ex-best-friend. "Oh, hey Alec. What's up?" Could I get any lamer? If my voice cracks like it did earlier, I might.

"Nothing much. I just wanted to know if the pretty new girl would like to go on a date Friday."

I cover the mouthpiece to converse with Jamie. "He wants a date," I inform my now-reinstated-best-friend.

"Yes, yes, omigod, yes!" Jamie is practically jumping up and down in his seat.

I stare at him for a moment and then ask, "How can you act like that and still have no one doubt your straightness?"

"It's called the ability to be super cute and still be suave with women."

I roll my eyes and inform him, "You are full of crap, Jamie."

"Hello?" I hear Alec still trying to get my response.

I lick my lips due to nerves and then carefully say, "I suppose."

"Great. I'll pick you up at eight." After a moment, he adds, "Can I get your address, though?"

"Uh sure… 45678 Sprinkle Boulevard."

"Okay, see you tomorrow, beautiful," Alec chimes, his voice almost as beautiful as his eyes. Almost.

I hang up the phone and turn to Jamie. "I am so screwed," I sigh.

"No, this is perfect. It means the plan is working!"

I really don't think I want to know what plan Jamie is working on. Especially if it involves Alec and I doing more than just going on a date.

The next evening (Friday)…

"Why the hell do you need my clothes?" Rebecca asks for what must be the fifth time.

"Don't worry about it. Cal will give them back this evening good as new," Jamie promises her, smiling in an almost seductive manner.

"Jamie you little creep." But then Rebecca sighs and says, "You know what? I really don't care, just know that if anything happens to them, I will murder both of you."

"So even if we give you money to compensate we'll still end up dead?"

She looks at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world and says, "Cal… you deserve to be dead anyway, since you look better in most of my clothes than I do."

I chuckle as I yank on the zipper on this one-size-too-small skirt. "Damn it," I curse before pleading, "Jamie, help."

"God Cal, you can't do anything by yourself," Jamie teases me as he gently zips the side of my skirt into place.

"I've been telling him that for years," Rebecca says.

"You guys can go screw yourselves," I remark in an altogether too chipper voice. I turn to the mirror to apply excessive amounts of eyeliner and lip gloss.

Just as I finish, I hear a car pull into the drive, a car door slamming shut and then our doorbell rings. And I still don't have my shoes picked out.

Then as if she knew my exact thoughts, Rebecca hands me a pair of gold gladiators that match my lips perfectly. As I slip them on, Jamie looks me up and down and says, "If this doesn't get you laid by the guy who will 'chase after anything in a skirt'"—he looks pointedly at the skirt that makes me feel, and probably look, like a whore—"I don't know what will."

"Well thanks for that… compliment?"

The doorbell rings again and I rush down the stairs to answer it. I straiten myself out and open the door to the blue eyed hottie. "Hey," I say breathlessly, embarrassed when his eyes travel up and down my body.

"Hey Callie. Ready for dinner?"

I nod, grab the purse Jamie holds out to me and drag Alec away from my house and towards his car. He opens the door for me and I'm surprised that he has manners this good for the man-whore that he truly is. The ride to the restaurant is filled with small talk—weather, classes we're taking, a bit about our best friends. I'm careful not to reveal too much about my true identity.

As I look through the menu I'm rather embarrassed; this place is way too expensive for me to be comfortable with it.

"Are you sure I can order whatever I want?" I ask timidly as he flags down the waiter.

He laughs and nods, giving the waiter his order. Even though he says this, I order the cheapest thing on the menu and wait for him to start asking more questions that I don't know the answer to, like where I'm from and how long I lived there.

But the only thing he says is, "I'm glad you agreed to this, Callie; I like you more than I've liked a girl in a long time."

What? Why would he like me at all in the first place, much less more than the other girls? No, he doesn't like me more than them, I need to remember that; Alec is just the school's resident man-whore and an expert at seducing young women—plus me. He knows exactly what cards to play when confronted with the shy, hesitant type I seem to be.

I try to be cool about it by saying, "Oh really? Why is that?" and trying to sound genuinely surprised.

He doesn't give me a real reply, just smirks and says, "There's just something about you that's… different than the others."

I try not to laugh out loud. If only he knew what he just said. So I do the only thing that makes sense: I return his smirk and challenge, "And are you any different than the rumors I've already heard?"

"Ha! Sometimes I wonder which are actually rumors and which are the truth."

"You don't know yourself?" I ask.

He sighs, "I know the self that I wish people knew me for, but I'm not great friends with the self that all the girls fall for."

That's actually really… depressing. "So why don't you show your real self to people?"

"I know for a fact that nobody, or at least the majority of our classmates, would understand it."

I'm dressed in a skirt just to get the school's man-whore to talk to me and he thinks people won't be able to understand him? Well this is not the conversation that I thought would be happening on this particular date…. "I think you'd be surprised," I say, trying to sound reassuring, but I'm met with a bitter laugh.

"I highly doubt anyone would be falling for me if they knew."

"I find that very hard to believe," I say earnestly. "If you knew everything about me, I'm sure that you would be the one that ended up repelled."

That gets a real laugh out of him, thankfully diffusing the strange tension that's built up, and he says, "Then let's both keep our silence for the time being, shall we?"

"Sounds good," I reply. "I think that's our appetizer."

Sure enough, the waiter places the spinach-artichoke dip in front of us and Alec says, "You know, I thought it would be a bit harder than this to talk to you; you seemed so shy. I wasn't expecting you to open up as much as you have. But at least you aren't the only one talking."

"If I'm honest, I didn't expect you to be such a gentleman," I admit, idly stirring my water with my straw.

"If you're already being honest, do you mind telling me the impression you first got of me?"

"The first impression or the impression I've gotten over a period of time?" I ask, before realizing that I've supposedly only known him a day.

"Both. I want to know why you would be so willing to go on a date with me after only knowing me for a day."

I bite my lip and then just let the words spill out without really thinking them through. "You seemed sweeter than the rumors made you out to be and you are, quite truthfully, sex on legs."

He chuckles and says, "Well the sweet part is probably a first for me."

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," I tell him. I sit awkwardly trying to not look like a total idiot while I eat my dippy chip.

He looks across the restaurant as though not really seeing it as he responds, "But a lot of flies come to the vinegar even if I don't want them to."

And he's right. The whores flock to him like hyenas to a watering hole on the African savannah. An awkward silence falls over us, and it only ends when the waiter brings our food after what feels like forever. In reality it might be three minutes.

"Mmm steak!" says Alec.

"What are you, an animal?" I ask, trying not to laugh.

"Biologically speaking? Yes."

I laugh, even though it come out as more of a giggle, and then turn to my retardedly small piece of fish. Alec seems to notice this as well, as he cuts his steak in half, cuts my fish in half and swaps them so that we each have… half. "If that's okay?"

"Yes. This is great. I'm a carnivore at heart."

He laughs again, and I'm beginning to think that Alec's laughter could be just as addictive as illegal drugs. Then I realize that this date is a hoax. I will never be able to be with this man…. And that really sucks ass. Oh, how I want his ass.

Okay, Cal, it's time to get your mind out of the gutter before you get a hard-on that's totally obvious in this mini.

"Callie? You still there?"

"Um, what?" I ask, suddenly realizing that one of Alec's hands—oh god, those hands—is waving back and forth in front of my face. "Oh sorry. I was just… thinking."

He gives me an odd look and then he says, "Dare I ask… what about?"

"I'm just wondering how the hell this, us, will ever possibly work out?"

I feel myself blushing, Alec just makes it worse by grabbing my hand, and then he gives me the answer I would give if he had asked me: "Honestly… probably not."

"So how are we supposed to go on if neither of us has faith in the relationship?"

Alec gives me a look that says quite clearly he thinks I'm crazy. Then he says, "Callie, it's one date. We don't have a relationship."

"The problem is…"


"The problem is that I'm starting to want a relationship even if it's only the first date." I look down, ashamed because it's ludicrous that Alec would ever want a relationship with me; I could only hide Calvin behind Callie for so long.

"Oh… That's more than all the hook-up girls wanted after their first dates."

I snort. "Yeah, well they're whores and I'm not."

He smiles. "Ain't that the truth."

I sit back and say, "I am completely full." He flags down the waiter for the bill and a box.

We leave the restaurant and he takes me back home, continuing the whole gentleman thing—and I'm beginning to wonder if it's not really an act—by walking me up to the front door.

"Thanks for dinner," I say trying to resist the temptation to lean into his lips. I've always been told to avoid kissing on the first date.

Alec doesn't seem to have the same reservations. But his lips land on my cheek and then he turns to leave. As soon as his car door closes and the engine is on Jamie is opening the door and asking repeatedly how the date went.

I just shrug and say, "Far too well for my liking."

"Details! I need details, Cal!"

I roll my eyes and tell him everything, knowing he's going to have a conniption fit if I don't.

"Wait... He wasn't his overly cocky normal self the entire date?"

"No, he wasn't ever the usual over-confident bastard and that's the real problem." I pause and then admit, "I want to keep him."

"Turn him gay," says Rebecca walking down the stairs. "It's not that hard. I should know." Jamie and I turn to stare at her and she shrugs and explains, "Three of my four boyfriends have come out as being gay less than a year after we break up."

"Mind giving Cal here a couple of tips?" Jamie jumps in. "If it's as easy as you makes it seem to be the chances that Cal screws it up are even less!"

"Fuck you, Jamie."

"I bet you would if I gave you the chance," he throws back. Rebecca stalks off without giving an answer, and then Jamie turns to me to ask, "So do you have any ideas on how to turn him gay?"

I nod. "Don't try."

"You have to do something."

"No, Jamie, I don't," I nearly snap at him. "Because when I get my hopes up that I can turn him gay and then it turns out that I really can't it'll hurt even more than if I just give up now."

"Cal… It can't be that hard can it?"

I look at him and mutter, "I spent two years trying to turn you gay and you didn't even notice."

"Oh… wow… Can I get an 'Awkward!' from the crowd please?"

"Sorry, Jamie, I'm over it, but do you understand what I'm saying?" I ask.

"I think so… i'm just not sure he'll be as hard to crack. Didn't you say something about him having a big secret?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he's gay, Jamie."

"It doesn't mean he's not either."

"You, James Dillon, are impossible," I mutter, throwing my hands up in the air for dramatic effect.

"And that, my dear Callie, is why you love me."

I just shake my head and say, "Jamie, I'm not going to try and turn him gay, so just give it up."

"Fine. Be an asshole."

"Jamie, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't want to get hurt."

"I know Cal. I know."

Three days later (Monday)...

I avoid Alec like the plague, which proves harder than I thought, since he comes up to Jamie. "Have you seen Callie? I can't seem to find her."

"She isn't here today. They were having some problems with getting furniture into their new house. "

"Ah, I see," Alec says with a frown. Suddenly he turns to me with a frown. "You're really not going to make fun of me?"

I try to be myself. "For which one? Not having a whore for once or actually caring about the girl you tried to seduce?"

Alec looks genuinely hurt. "And here I thought… never mind. Fuck you too, Carter."

Crap. Did I actually hurt him? "Alec, wait," I say, just managing to get him to turn around. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. " He walks away without his usual demeanor.

Jamie looks at me, obviously disappointed. "What was that for, Cal?"

"I don't know. It just feels bad being so mean to him just because I don't have a skirt on."

Jamie rolls his eyes and says, "You know what I meant, Cal. I meant why were you so mean in the first place?"

"Well.. I guess I was just making up for being so nice on Friday."

Jamie stares at me for a long time before sighing, "You're an idiot, Cal."

Three weeks later…

"Jamie… Would it be bad if Callie came back? Just for a day?"

"Cal… I still think you should try and turn him gay, but you really just need to make a decision and stick to it," Jamie replies. "And if you don't intend to turn him gay, Callie just needs to go back into Rebecca's except for the weekends."

I get up from the lunch table, trod over to Alec, tell his Whore of the Day to leave, and say, "Alec. I need to tell you something."

He stares at me for a long, long time and then says, "What?"

"I'm Callie."

He snorts and asks, "That's it?"

I turn to leave and throw back a quiet "Yes."

"I'm not a fucking idiot, Callie, I knew it was you the entire fucking time. I've been waiting for today, when you decided to give me the punch line of your little joke, that the girl I connected with was actually another dude."

What the hell did I just hear? "You knew?" I look back at Jamie who is snickering. That bastard knew too?

Alec just shrugs. "I figured you were like the bastards at my old school; they made fun of me because I'm—you were making fun of me because I'm a whore. What difference does it make?"

"It makes all the difference you idiot!" I'm trying my hardest not to yell. "If I knew you were gay…. You idiot!"

"If you knew I was gay, you just would have mocked me for that," he mutters.

"Bullshit! If I knew you were gay I wouldn't have spent the past year and a half admiring you from afar!"

Jamie snickers again. "I cannot believe you just used the phrase 'admiring you from afar.'"

"Jamie, go ask my sister out already. You aren't even that far from her."

He laughs, "Okay I will. On one condition."

"And what's that?" I ask suspiciously, only half-aware of Alec listening to us with his mouth half-open.

"Go on a date with Alec. Without a skirt on." He grins at his accomplishment, then leaning to talk to Alec, "Assuming that it's okay with you."

Alec doesn't seem to have a response, just sitting there doing a remarkably accurate impression of a goldfish.

"Crap this just got awkward. Alec please go on a date with my friend here."

Suddenly Alec seems suspicious all over again. "You're not just screwing with my head?"

"No," I reply timidly, "I just want one date. Then you can leave and never talk to me again." I turn on Jamie. "And you need to tell me just how much you know that you haven't been telling me."

"I'm a higher power, Cal. I know everything."


"Fine, fine. You've been staring at him for the past year and a half and when you weren't, he was staring at you."


I had almost forgotten Alec was there. Oops. "Seriously?"

He chews on his lower lips for a moment and then says, "Seriously. Although that still begs the question as to why Jamie didn't tell at least one of us."

We both turn on Jamie who is trying to back out of the cafeteria.

I grab his arm and say, "Well? What do you have to say for yourself, James Jesse Dillon?"

"Well. Um. Not my problem!" And he darts out the nearest door just as the bell rings.

Alec stares after him a moment and then says, "So how about that date, Callie?"

"This weekend," I say, stepping just close enough to him to smell his musky cologne.

"So I'm coming out of the closet a second time, just for you," he says smirking. He gives me a small kiss and then says, "But this time you're paying."