Broken Thoughts

Sometimes I just feel lost, confused, vulnerable, and alone.

My mind swims in darkness and shadows confuse.

It seems as though my identity got lost

When you were taken from me.

It's not that I don't know what to do.

I just don't want to do anything because you aren't around.

Whenever I'd achieve something, you'd act as though you didn't care,

Brush me off nonchalantly,

But as twisted as it is,

That only motivated me to become stronger

And grow better.

Because I wanted nothing more than to impress you.

Maybe that's a wrong motivation.

But it's the truth.

I did everything for you,

Even the things that were meant to be done for me.

That's just how love works sometimes.

It warps our whole entire beings,

Until we become so completely intertwined

That we ourselves don't exist as individuals anymore.

And that's how I loved you.

To the point where now, everything that makes me think of you

Hurts.

And I can't even claim to hate it,

Because I know it would be worse to have no feelings at all

About the past.

As painful as it is,

I couldn't bear to erase the memories that I've been left with,

Good and bad,

Awkward times and funny moments,

All of those memories are now a part of me,

And I refuse to be parted from any of them.

Funny thing,

Love.

So wonderful,

So painful,

So essential.

And even if it gave me peace and restored me to who I used to be,

I wouldn't change anything that happened between us,

Because you changed who I am fundamentally.

And even when I don't know who I am anymore,

I still love you

Just for who you are and what you meant to me.