Situation 1

Gaya: Having a good time?

Me: Oh yeah! This club is simply… over-whelming.

Gaya: That it is. I'm Gaya, by the way.

Me: Such interesting name…

Gaya: It's a nick name, OK? Not the best one, but it's stuck.

Me: Trust me mate- you got it good.

Gaya: Hah. So- got a girlfriend?

Me: Couple of ones… Wait, stop. What?

Gaya: Oh. Well, it's a good thing I love challenges!

Me: Slow down, cowboy. What's this about a 'girlfriend'?

Gaya: Thank you! Finally a gay cutie guy comes my way…

Me: JIiubjihGYI Say what?

Gaya: Wanna make out?

Me: You're gay? Wait, cutie guy?

Gaya: Bi actually.

Me: GUY?

Gaya: I prefer males though…

Me: Look.. Gaya, I'm very much straight.

Gaya: You sure?

Me: Oh I am. Straight all the way.

Gaya: Bugger…. Have any cute gay friends?

Me: … You whore!

Gaya: What'd I do?

Situation 2

Me: So, how did you get suckered into this… 'heaven' on Earth?

Shadow: My mother thinks I'm a depressive, apathetic and quite non-normal teenager.

Me: Oh. Well, my thinks I never grew out the toddler phase.

Shadow: She thinks I'm going to commit suicide if I don't socialize more.

Me: Mine believes she'll commit a massacre if I don't behave more.

Shadow: Do you smoke?

Me: Sometimes. When I'm not around my mother.

Shadow: Me too. Do you consume alcohol?

Me: Red wine. Beer. Vodka. Ouzo too. Brandy sometimes.

Shadow: What about your school?

Me: It stands still I think.

Shadow: I meant how you think of it.

Me: The same as every other teenager; burn the bitch to the ground… As soon as possible.

Shadow: Wanna make-out?

Me: Oh bugger.

Situation 3

Vivi: I wanna have your babies.

Me: Do I know you?

Vivi: I live next door.

Me: …

Vivi: We moved here two months ago.

Me: …

Vivi: We have… Never mind that. I wanna have your babies.

Me: You're like… ten?

Vivi: Twelve actually. Why, you think I look younger?

Me: Listen kiddo; I'm sixteen.

Vivi: I know. My big brother attends the same school as you do.

Me: Really?

Vivi: Yep- He also likes you, but I claimed you first.

Me: He likes me? What's his name?

Vivi: Focus. As I said, I wanna…

Me: Yeah I got it the first time. There might be problems with that..

Vivi: You're gay?

Me: Goddammit, I'm straight!

Vivi: Then I don't see…

Me: I'm a GIRL!

Vivi: Oh.

Me: Yeah.

Vivi: That's unexpected.

Me: Right. Now, what did you say his name was?

Vivi: Forget it, he's gay.

Me: … Excuse me while I have a little talk with God.

Situation 4

Stephan: Hey there hot stuff…

Me; Oh God, not again…

Stephan: What's wrong with this chick?

Situation 5

Mom: Now, this is my friend Joanne and her daughter MJ.

Me: Carrot-top.

MJ: I'm not carrot-top!

Me: Yes you are.

MJ: Then… Then… You're a potato-head!

Me: I'm no potato-head!

MJ: Yeah you are!

Me: Shut up, Carrot!

MJ: Make me, Potato!

Me: Mum! I wanna go home!

Mom: Shut up, sit down and behave.

Me: …

MJ: Wimp.

Me: Shut up, Nerd.

MJ: I'm not…

Joanne: MJ!

MJ: … Sniff…

Me: Crybaby.

MJ: Scardy-cat .