My wedding night nears
And my fear, it grows
I think my soul is stained
And I'm scared it shows

I can't justify
And it drags me so low
Can't still call myself chaste
Even if I said "no"

I was in so much pain
Couldn't get off the floor
Gave me an ultimatum
And then stamped me a whore

You said I was rare
I could help another kid
But that exam should never
Have gone as far as it did

Medicated for the cyst
Said I couldn't back out anymore
Because my mind was cloudy
Unlike it had been before

"Please stop, I said 'no'"
I cried, tried to wrestle free
Shocked as you and your student
Both violated me

Trained in martial arts
I should've broken free
But stupidly I froze
Terror all I could see

Said I over-reacted
More bruises forming South
But if that was normal
Why'd you clamp over my mouth?

After dozens of these exams
Why was this one so different?
Why'd you send away my mum
With more papers as a front?

How could it be right
If you told me not to yell
And that I'd admit to "prostitution"
If I ever dared to tell?

Even medicated so
I remember it all
I remember how many tiles
How many cracks in the wall

I never ever told
Each time I'd try I would halt
'Cause part of me looks back
And says "It's your own fault"

How could I be so stupid?
How could I be such a sap
For you to say I could help others
And I'd walk right into the trap?

I know my condition was rare
In people young as me
And my love of helping others
Made me too blind to see

All the things you called me
Stored on my mind's shelf
Don't compare to when I'm alone
To what I call myself

The few who I've told since
Say God still finds me pure
But even so I feel so foul
No detergent can cure

And though twelve years have passed
Since that night at age thirteen
I still can't choke out the word
For things done to me obscene

You were the last person who
I'd thought would be a captor
On the list of who a girl can't trust
Should NEVER be her doctor...