Lose yourself to me






These are just some of the things you look for when you're in a relationship. You expect everything to be perfect and happy; almost feeling like you're on top of the world. You expect everything to run smoothly and get lost in your own world, where there's no-one who can hurt you. And there's no denying that this is exactly what I was feeling. I had never felt on such a high and there was no way I would let anyone or anything take that feeling away from me.

I wrapped my arms tightly around Zac and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Hey princess," he smiled softly pulling me in closer and kissing me on the lips. "How have you been?"

"I've been good, thank you," I smiled back.

I caressed Zac's face and ran my hand through his jet black hair, his sparkling green eyes locking in with my honey coloured ones. He honestly was the most gorgeous thing I'd set eyes on in my 21 years. From the way he spoke, to the way he dressed, to the way touched had me melting. No other boy had ever made me feel this way. But it was such a lovely feeling; I felt complete.

Zac and I had got to know each other about 3 years ago, when we were both 18, when we'd met at a friend's birthday party. We'd instantly got on and I remember spending most of my evening just sitting, talking and laughing with him. We'd met a few more times before exchanging numbers. At first, it had been a few texts here and there, but as the time went, the texts became longer and we'd be having intense conversations, talking non-stop at all hours of the day. Day by day, we had become closer until it had got to the point where it was dangerously close, so it was either to move on or move up in our relationship. Thank god we chose the move up relationship, because to be quite honest, I knew losing Zac would have absolutely killed me given how close we'd become. It had taken me quite a bit of convincing to get him to ask me out, but my efforts had paid off , as 3 years down the line, I now had the boy of my dreams. I honestly couldn't be any happier.

"Ah Amz, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Zac exclaimed, giving my hand a little squeeze.

"You're telling me Zac, it's been ages hasn't it?" I sighed. "Sorry honey, I've just been incredibly busy with uni. Things are getting a bit much; I'm so stressed out."

"Hey just another few more months and you're out of there. You'll be fine. I know you will."

"Thank you. Hey by the way, Lottie's been asking about you. She said something about needing your help with something...?"

"Oh yeah...Tell her I'll speak to her soon."

Lottie; my 18 year old step-sister. We hadn't always seen eye to eye, but over the last few months or so, I'd say we'd probably gotten somewhat closer. Mostly because of Zac I'd say. She'd met him on a few occasions and had instantly taken a shine to him. I hadn't told her that we were together; merely on the fact that I suspected she had a crush on him and wanted to find a right time to break it to her. I wasn't quite too sure just how she'd take it either. But yeah, Zac had pushed us closer. We did have a small falling out a while back, as I'd accused her of trying to steal Zac away from me, but it had been a slight misunderstanding and we'd managed to clear everything up. In the same manner, she'd pushed Zac and I closer too, hence why we were a couple. However I knew I would have to tell Lottie soon about Zac or she would hit the roof.

"Zakky, Lottie needs to know..."

"Not yet Amz, you don't know how she's going to take it do you?"

"Hmm yeah I guess..."

I smiled softly before turning my gaze away and getting lost in my own thoughts. It had been almost 6 months now. Time had literally flown by and every single day my feelings got deeper. Even just the thought of losing Zac, was too much to bear when I had slight reservations.

They say when you have found the right person, you should never give up on them and love them for as long as you live and fight for them no matter what. Make sure that you're always there for them. This was exactly what it was like for me with Zac. As cheesy as this sound, he was the 'one' for me.

Half an hour later, Zac dropped me off home and before I'd even had a chance to kiss him goodbye, Lottie appeared out of nowhere and slapped me across the face. I stood there, stunned, without being able to move and try to comprehend what had just happened.

"YOU. ARE. THE. WORLD'S. BIGGEST. LIAR. I. HATE. YOU." Lottie spat each word out at the top of her voice, her cheeks going a crimson red, the fury and anger in her, boiling.

"Whoa, Lottie, calm down!" Zac exclaimed, pulling her away from me. "What was that for?"

"Why don't you ask your pretty little girlfriend?"

This time it was Zac's turn to look stunned, as he dropped her arm and looked at me for help. I looked from Lottie to Zac, speechless, not quite sure what exactly to say. I think I was still trying to get over the shock of the slap.

"Oh wow, you two are unbelievable," Lottie snarled. "You might want to be careful where you leave your things Amarie. Not so good at hiding are you?"

"Wh-wh-what are you on about Lottie?" I whispered finally finding my voice.

"That's it. You play the innocent card. Like you always do. You're 21 Amarie. It's time to grow up a little and accept things. Seriously..."

I quickly ran into the house and up to my room to find that it had been turned upside down. My clothes scattered around the floor, my books thrown all over the room and all my gifts, mainly from Zac, almost torn to pieces. It took everything in me not to burst into tears at that point; instead I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure. I honestly couldn't believe Lottie had done this. She had taken it too far now and this just confirmed my worst fears; she was into Zac.

"Don't cry baby." Suddenly I felt Zac's warm arms around me, as he pulled me into a hug, trying to calm me down. "It'll be okay, trust me."

I didn't say a word and buried my head deeper into Zac's chest and sobbed my eyes out.

Over the next few weeks or so, things with Lottie and I were kind of tense and it honestly felt like I was treading on eggshells. I mean I did try to make an effort with her to explain things properly, but she didn't want to hear any of it. Every time I tried to speak, all I would hear was 'YOU STUPID BITCH, SHUT UP. ALL YOU DO IS LIE.' I just wished she would calm down and let me talk because she needed an explanation but how was I meant to, when all I got was abuse yelled at me? Zac told me I had to let her calm down and come to me in her own time but believe me it was not easy at all. It had become so hard that I had asked Zac to try and talk to her.

"Do you think it's a good idea for me to talk...?" Zac asked hesitantly.

"Well, not like she's in any position to talk to me!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah that's true."

"Exactly. Besides she doesn't hate you. So maybe, just maybe, you can get some sense into her head."

"She'll come around. Eventually."


Honestly I didn't have any hope of her coming round. The fact that I had lied to her, had seriously affected her. Though it did get me thinking, would she have reacted the same way had it been any other boy or was it the fact that it was Zac? For some reason, my mind was drawn to the latter and this did kind of make me wonder what Zac said about it being a bad idea letting him talk. I guess I just had to take the chance to see if he could get her to see things from my point.

The question I had to ask was would it do more harm than good?

I didn't really see much of Lottie for the next few days nor did I see much of Zac. I mean he was more or less around my house most days but he was spending more time with Lottie, which I didn't really think much of as I just wanted this mess fixed up as soon as possible.

"Everything okay with you and Zac, Ami?" Mum asked in concern.

"Of course it is mum," I replied back confused. "Why..?"

"Oh no reason, it's just that he's been spending a heck of a lot of time with Lottie."

"Mmm yeah, he's trying to fix the mess of everything."

Mum briefly nodded her head at that as if to say 'Ah I see' though her eyes had a more a concerned look as if to say 'Be careful' which I didn't really understand. I mean what did I have to be careful over?

Before I could ask what mum meant, I saw Lottie hovering at the kitchen door, beckoning me to go to her. I followed her outside, into the garden and sat down on one of the white deck chairs. It was a lovely sunny spring afternoon, the sky a clear blue with the wind blowing lightly through my brunette hair, the air smelling sweet like candyfloss and the birds gently singing their soft songs. These kinds of days would usually make me feel at ease with everything as I knew that I could relax, but something told me it would not be one of these days, not with Lottie around.

"So, what's up?" I gently asked, trying to make eye contact with my step-sister, who was doing her best to avoid my gaze.

"I..erm...well..." she paused and looked ahead of her, unsure of what she should say. I studied her face for a minute trying to read it, whilst her long blonde hair glistened against the sunlight with the wind blowing softly through as well. Her face wasn't giving too much away though; she'd always been very good with keeping her emotions locked up. She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I guess I owe you an apology for the way I've been. Zac explained everything. I am truly very sorry Amarie. I hope you can forgive me?''

I softly smiled and took her hand, before lifting her chin up ever so slightly so she was now facing me. I saw the look in her eyes and that's when everything was confirmed. So this was how she was going to play it was she? I did my best to hide what I was feeling; instead gently squeezed her hand, so she would know that I had taken into account what she had said.

"Where's Zac?" I asked, as I got up and stretched my legs and straightened my hair out.

"Erm, I think he's still inside..." she replied somewhat unsure but the look in her eyes said different.

I nodded briefly and went inside to find him.

Oh Lottie, what am I going to do with you, I thought as I made my way upstairs to my room. It's amazing just how much I can read from someone's eyes; believe me they do tell a heck of a lot and often people don't realise this. I guess you can keep a lot of emotions hidden but when the emotions are there in your eyes, it is ever so hard. It's those unspoken words that speak a lot. All I knew was Lottie was being ever so naive to underestimate me like this and she was going to get what she deserved.

"Hey, there you are," I smiled as I wrapped my arms tightly around Zac's neck, who was sitting on my desk chair, reading something, which he almost immediately stuffed into his jeans pocket. This was rather unusual behaviour but I didn't want to question it.

"Hey to you too," he smiled back and kissed me gently on the lips as he turned around to face me. But there was something different about his smile; it was like it was forced on and he was hiding something. His eyes read the same expression too.

"Everything okay...?"

"Yeah of course it is darling. Anyway, Lottie and you are okay now?"

"Erm yeah I guess we are. Whatever you said to her, I guess it helped, so thank you."

"No problem Amz, I'll always be here for you."

This time Zac's smile seemed more genuine which made me think that I had possibly just read too much into what I thought I'd seen before. I returned his smile, with my hands locked with his, as he leaned closer and kissed me passionately. For that heavenly moment, I forget everything and kissed back with just as much passion.

The next few weeks practically flew past and I was busy with all my coursework and projects. Things were getting on top of me so much and it was beginning to stress me out. If that wasn't enough, Zac and I were going through a bit of a rough patch as well. Both of us become so engrossed in work, that we barely had time for each other anymore, meaning that we were becoming extremely distanced. But what made things worse, was that Lottie seemed to be getting closer with him day by day and this was seriously playing on my mind. Lottie had been struggling with her coursework and Zac had kindly offered to help her. This was the perfect chance for her to spend more time with him. To the world, it may have seem like she was innocent and genuinely asking him for help, but to me, I knew there was more to it then what met the eye. And I wasn't going to let it go this time.

"Why, are you always with her?" I snapped harshly, when Zac tried to give me a hug. "I haven't seen you properly in freaking forever because you tell me you have no time, yet you still manage to make time for that precious little step sister of mine? HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE?"

"Hey chill Amz." Zac looked slightly worried at my outburst of screaming. "She just wanted a bit of help with some maths stuff and well, who else to ask apart from me?"

"Oh wow Zachary Hunter, come on, not even you can be that dense. You're meant to be smart but no, you have been sucked into her evil ways. Who would have thought?"

"What are you on about now...?"


"Amarie, calm down. You're being absolutely ridiculous now. This is Lottie we're talking about. Stop making it seem like more than it is."

I scoffed and didn't say anything. Why was I even surprised that he was taking her side? Not like this wasn't the first time we'd had a disagreement over Lottie. Zac thought she was some innocent angel, but oh was she far from it. He always made it seem like it was ME with the bloody issues, when in fact it was HER. But he wouldn't ever see that; or he just didn't want to see that. See this is what I HATED about Lottie. She made it seem like she could do no harm, when in fact she was actually quite deadly. What made it worse was that Zac seemed to be her number one fan. Yeah...

You know I honestly fail to understand Zac at times. He's meant to be ever so smart and that he is with his academics, but I swear when it comes to relationships, he lacks every inch of common sense there is. I didn't understand why he couldn't see the games she was playing; surely he wasn't that dumb enough to fall for it, was he? But then again...

Oh how I hated Lottie more than ever at that precise moment. She tried to play off this innocent act, but like I said she was far from it. I'm good at reading people just from the way they act and often I can work out what they are thinking. Silence speaks a lot of words doesn't it? So Lottie may have thought she could hide everything, but this naive way of thinking she had, was causing her to seriously underestimate me. However, there was no way in hell she was going to get away with this.

"I don't get you Zac, I really don't..." I said this more to myself, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

"What the hell have you become Amarie Knight?" Zac practically spat the words out. "You don't get me? Really? Do you honestly think I bloody understand you? This jealousy of yours, WHEN is it going to stop? You're obsessing and let me tell you something, it will NOT help you with anything. You know, I know I haven't said this to you before, but I think it's about time you start to grow up. You need to snap out of this little bubble of yours and start facing the reality of things. Open your eyes a bit more."

I stared at him with my mouth open in shock, unable to say a word. Instead, the tears streaming down my face said it all. I felt like I had been hit by a truck coming at full speed and my heart felt like it had been ripped out. Every single emotion there was, I swear I was feeling it all.

I was losing Zac. I was losing him to HER. Of all people in the world, it just had to be that good for nothing step sister of mine didn't it? But there was no way in hell, I was going to let go without a fight, because if I did it would mean she would win. I was not prepared to let this happen. I had to come out on top no matter what, at any cost. She had to get it through her thick skull that Zac was mine, forever and always. In her pretty little head, she may have thought she'd win him over, but believe me this was NEVER going to happen. Seriously if she knew what was good for her, she'd back off. Or she'd suffer the consequences. I made a vow to make her pay. She had bought this upon herself.


"Amz, please calm down. I'm sorry. Don't cry, please. It's breaking my heart." He tried to reach out and take my hand and pull me into a hug.

"Don't. Touch. Me." I whispered dangerously and walked off.

As soon as I got home, I ran up to my room and fell onto my bed, crying my eyes out. How had I let things become so bad? Zac and I had become so distanced in the past few weeks, meaning we'd had such a breakdown in communication, which Lottie was clearly using to her advantage. I honestly wanted to crush her bones and rip out her hair, just so she could feel 1% of what I was going through. Like I said, she was going to pay.

I looked at the time, which now read midnight and got up from my bed. I rummaged through my drawers until I found what I need and headed out my room.

The next morning, I was woken up by Lottie's ear piercing scream. I heard mum rush up to her room and comfort her, doing her best to calm her down. Me, on the other hand, smiled smugly to myself before plastering a look of fake concern on my face and entered Lottie's room, knowing exactly what I was going to see. Lottie's once soft smooth skin was now covered in deep red cuts with the blood gushing out through the cloth that mum had wrapped around her arm. It was almost mesmerising to see the way the red was flowing from her skin to the floor, with great force. It gave me such a thrill.

"Everything okay?" I asked, trying to sound as concerned as I could, as I locked eyes with Lottie. She didn't have to speak; the look she gave me said it all. Her eyes read 'this is all your doing' to which I responded with a 'you asked for this' look.

Zac came around later that day for some reason, though I'm guessing Lottie had called him over. Once again, she was using things to her advantage.

"I don't want to hear it," I sneered as I saw him standing at my doorway, from the corner of my eye. To my surprise, he came into my room and pulled me in a big hug, repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again, as he kissed my head.

"She had this coming." He simply stated this, as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

I was confused for a slight moment, but one look into Zac's eyes put my mind at ease with things again. He'd always had this sort of supernatural power over me when I wasn't in the best of moods with things. One look into his eyes and I knew that things would work out the way I wanted it to.

I waited a few more days before executing the next part of my plan. I knew that Lottie liked to drink a glass of milk before going to sleep, so I'd made sure that I'd put in some heavy sleeping sedative pills, meaning I knew she'd almost instantly pass out once she'd done drinking. She more or less dropped to the floor within the space of 5 minutes. I listened carefully to make sure nobody was around, before slowly picking her bony body up and taking her outside. It took me about 5 minutes or so, before I reached the graveyard, where I tossed her body onto the floor. I was lucky she was heavily drugged or she would have woken up in that instant. I then placed a blanket over her, before studying her face. I gently kissed her on the cheek and moved her hair out of eyes. She looked so peaceful, with her chest moving slowly up and down.

Peaceful. Oh I hated that word. I'd felt anything but peace over the last few months. Instead I had felt the total opposite. And that was of course thanks to my wonderful good for nothing step sister wasn't it? She'd driven me to this. This was all her fault. It was time for her to feel everything that I had. All the tears, pain, heart break, everything. Nobody could save her now. Nobody. The price of her consequences were soon to be met.

I cackled too myself, before pouring a can of petrol over her and a burning match. I watched in awe as the flames grew bigger and brighter. By now, the effects of the drug had worn off and she was starting to wake up. It took her a few seconds to come terms with what was happening and that's when her screams started. I watched from a distance as she struggled to break free. But it was too late. Far too late. The flames were swallowing her in.

"You've done the right thing baby. "

I turned around and ran into Zac's arms. I kissed him softly on the lips, before piercing the cold knife straight through his heart. I let go as I watched him fall to the floor and let out a sigh of relief, as I looked up to the sky. I was finally at peace with everything and nobody could take that from me.

My game had been won.

WORDS: 4167

Tasnia Islam 12272264 Fictional Writing