I'm never truly alone...
Why? Why has this happened to me? Why the fuck did this have to happen? You hear it happening to other people, but you never think that it could eventually happen to you or the people connected to you that you love the most. When you hear about it on the news you think: 'That'll never happen to me. It happens to other people, not me.' Well, that's not true, it could easily happen to you.
I'm alone now – I'm so cold and all alone, that's how I feel. I want the endless pain to end. The endless pain of loss. It's so hard to describe. You have to feel it to understand it I guess. My friend – my lifelong friend – was taken away from me. He was killed.
I remember being told by the police. I hadn't believed them at first. I refused to believe them. But deep down I knew it was true. I had sank to the floor and cried until all my tears had gone. I couldn't believe the fact that I was never going to see him again. I had shouted out 'why?' and had expected an answer; but the answer never came.
It was a long time before I could recover from the trauma that I felt and all the shit that had come with it. I was empty; hollow; bare. I felt exposed. I believed that I, too, would die. But the end never came – still hasn't come. Even now, I'm in pain. The pain that was caused by the death of my friend has never gone away. The endless fucking pain that never fades. I want it to end – need it to end, before I go insane.
Even though the pain has not gone and I feel alone. There's this feeling deep inside of me that is telling me that he is still here, that he is not gone forever. And no matter how alone I feel the truth is, I'm never truly alone.