Based on the poem, But You Didn't by Merrill Glass.


Memories.

I walked numbly towards the big black gates. You can do this Emma. I thought. It'll be okay. Just keep walking.

"You okay, Em?" My best friend Rachel asked from beside me.

I nodded. I couldn't trust myself to speak. Not just yet. I just shuffled my feet along the dirt ground.

"Emma." My other friend Rebecca called when we reached her. She pulled me into a tight embrace. "How you holding up?"

I nodded. "I'm okay."

Rachel and Rebecca exchanged a look of uneasiness.

Each one of them took my hand and walked with me up to the grave.

"Emma, I'm glad to see you came." Mr Whitmore nodded his appreciation but I could see the glimmer of tears in his eyes. Beside him his wife Miranda was in hyserics. She sobbed and sobbed into her husand's chest.

"I'm sorry, Mr Whitmore." He knew what I meant, but I couldn't say the words out loud.

He nodded again and a tear slid down his cheek. He pulled Miranda toward the chair and they both sat down.

I saw James Whitmore walking towards us. He was Rebecca's boyfriend but also the son of Miranda and Howard Whitmore.

"How're you doing, Babe?" Rebecca asked when she stood up and wrapped her arms around his huge buff body.

"I'm okay." His voice wavered from his usual confidence.

I sat there and stared numbly at the head stone of James's brother Adam.

Adam had been the love of my life. He still was the love of my life. We'd been friends since secondry school. He was so beautful. His chestnut hair that fell into his eyes. His emerald green with bits of blue eyes that sparkled when he laughed. His melodic chuckle. He was so young... Why had he been killed?

I understood why his mother cried and his father's pain. I understood James's uneasyness.

"It'll be okay, Emma. It won't be to much longer now." Rachel reassured me.

I nodded. I had to be strong...But in my mind slipped back to that first day we'd met.

*Flashbacks*

I walked along the corridor searching frantically for my first class, I was so nervous. I didn't know anyone and I didn't know where I was going.

"Oof." Someone groaned as I accidently bumped into them knocking us both to the floor.

"Ohmigod. I am so sorry!" I gasped and clambered around to help him pick up his books.

Before I could he scooped them all up and jumped to his feet. "It's fine. I take it your new?" he raised an eyebrow and gave me a heart breaking grin.

I nodded. I couldn't speak. He was so handsome with his chestnut hair and his sparky green eyes.

"Do you have a name?" He asked, tilting his head.

I nodded. What was it... "My name is Emma."

He held out his hand and I took it. He pulled me up and I fell against him. "Hey Emma, I'm Adam."

"Nice to meet you." I panted breathlessly.

He chuckled again. "You need help getting somewhere?"

I nodded. I handed him my list of classes and he studied it carefully for a moment. "Okay you need to get to English with Mr Carter. It's on my way. I can walk with you if you'd like?"

I nodded and followed as he walked me to my class.

"Well here you go Emma." He grinned his crooked smile at me.

"Thank you, Adam." I said gratefully.

"So, would_"

'DING, DING,DING'

"I better get to class." I blushed and ran into the room.

OoOo

"Next I remembered the time that Adam had lent me his baby. His beautiful Sliver Mercedes Benz.

I was driving along the N11 (More like speeding along) and I crashed it into the entrance way of Rachel's house. When I checked out the damage and there was a dent in the passanger side door. I rememeber how terrified I had been. I thought he'd fucking kill me.

"Rach, he's gonna kill me!" I moaned.

"Em, he's just gonna be glad your alive." She soothed as she drove me from the garage to Adam's house.

"You'd better be right." I muttered threateningly as I made my way toward his front door.

"Hey Emma. Did you get what you needed?" He kissed my cheek.

"Adam, there was an accident." I murmured softly.

"What? Are you okay?" He fretted pulling me towards him and checking me curiously.

"I'm fine but... I dented the car." I flinched, waiting for him to get angry. Waiting for him to chew me out...But he didn't.

"Emma, do you think I care about something a trivial as a car when your life was in danger. If you had've crashed the car and been killed but the car didn't have a dent... I'd drive it off a bridge. I couldn't live without you."

Those word were better than I could've hoped for.

OoOo

Next I remembered the time that Rebecca and Rachel had convinced me to go to the Easter ball with them and their boyfriends. I had invited Adam, but I'd left out one very important detail. The dance was formal.

Rachel and Becca had spent two hours helping me get ready in a dark blue ballgown. They'd piled my long blonde hair down in loose curls and when I'd seen Adam at the dance, he was wearing a black t-shirt and jean!

Adam had been a guy who was very proud of his appearance. He'd looked completely horrified. Rachel and Becca were trying not to laugh as I approached him.

"Hey, Adam." I mumbled embaressed.

"Hey... Did you forget to tell me something?" He asked confused.

I shuffled my feet as my cheeks turned bright red. "I forgot to tell you it was formal... I asumed you knew... I'm really sorry. You probably completely hate me."

He stared at me in confusion for a little while, then he tilted my chin up to his face. "Why would I hate you?"

"Because... I didn't tell you it was formal and your in jeans... Are you not mad?"

He shook his head. "There's nothing you can do that would ever make me hate you."

He took my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. James gave him him shit and so did Rebecca's cousin Davis, but he took it all with a pinch of salt and didn't hate me like I'd thought he would...

OoOo

Next I remember the time I'd caught Adam flirting with Hannah Stanley. I got so angry, but intead of having a screaming match with him I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.

When Rachel was having her big eighteenth birthday party, I purposely avoided Adam and started to flirt with Tom Mellrick.

"So I thought you were dating Whitmore?" Tom asked confused.

"Mmm... I was..." I purred. Adam was well in ear-shot, I knew he heard me.

"Emma." He muttered through gritted teeth.

"What Adam?" I sighed impaitently.

"Wanna go for a walk outside?" His teeth were still ground together.

"No I'm good here talking to Tom. Why don't you ask Hannah Slutely?" I turned away from him and smiled flirtatiously at Tom.

Tom smiled a freakishly disturbed smile. It made my skin crawl but I decided to hold my ground here and make my point with Adam.

"Wanna get out of here?" Tom asked moving closer to me.

Adam grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled my away from Tom and stood between us. "I suggest you stay away from my girlfriend if you wanna be able to have children."

I giggled slightly and Tom backed away from Adam. Tackling him wasn't something any guys really wanted to do.

He spun round on me. "What the hell Emma? Why were you with Mellrick?"

"Why were you with Hannah?" I countered.

"With Hannah?" He was confused. "I was never with Hannah."

"I saw you! The other day!" I felt as if I were gonna cry.

He shook his head. "She wanted me to help her with her with her Maths homework but she just wanted me to come over to her house so she could make a move so I turned her down."

"Really?" I felt so stupid now. I should've known there was a reasonable explanation for why he was with her.

"Yeah really."

"Adam, I'm sooo Sorry. I didn't know! Please forgive me!" I was convinced he was gonna leave me... But surprisingly he didn't.

"Emma, promise me you'll never do that to me again." He took my face in between his two hands.

"I promise. Aslong as you promise never to help any skank with her homework."

He grinned. "I promise." He pressed his lips furiously against mine.

OoOo

He'd done so many things to show me how much he loved me. Put up with me no matter what I did or what I said. He loved me unconditionally.

When he told me he was leaving to fight in Vietnam I was terrified.

"Don't worry, love. It's only gonna be for six months. Then we can do all the thing we have planned. We can get married and buy a house and have like a million kids." He grinned as he spoke about our future with such confidence.

"Really? Married?" We'd never really talked about it. We were only eighteen.

He faced me with a deadly serious look in his forest green eyes, he took my left hand in his and slid down onto one knee, pulling a little black box from his back pocket. "Emma Kelly? I promise to love you forever - Every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "Yes." I breathed.

He grinned at me and slid the beautiful ring onto my finger. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I pulled him up and kissed him.

That night was the first night I'd slept with Adam. It made it all that much harder to part with him.

"I'm really gonna miss you." Tears filled my eyes as I said my goodbyes to him at the Whitmore mansion.

"I'm gonna miss you too. As soon as I get back are life can begin. Hold onto that." He kissed me and got into the car.

Miranda came over to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "It'll be okay Emma. My Adam is strong. He'll be back in know time at all."

Every week I heard from Adam. He'd tell me how much he missed me and how much he loved me. About a month after he'd left, I had discovered I was pregnant. Miranda and Howard were delighted they'd have a grandchild. James was excited about becoming an uncle. Becca and Rachel would be Aunts... But the one person I wanted to share my joy with was away. I couldn't even write to him and tell him because he had been moving to a different place at the time.

I had been at the Whitmore mansion when the call arrived from the army.

Miranda answered the phone. "He what? NO! NO! MY BABY!" She screamed at the top of her lungs and dropped to the floor.

"Miranda?" I asked cautiously walking over to her. "What's wrong?"

"It can't be true. It can't. There had to be a mistake!" She was babbling to herself now.

"Howard!" I yelled. I was terrified. I hadn't know what was going on.

"Yes Em_" He stoped when he saw Miranda sobbing on the floor and the phone hanging off the table. "Miranda? What's wrong, darling?"

"Adam!" She wailed.

My blood turned ice cold in my body. Suddenly I knew something was horribly wrong.

Howard's face was a hard mask as he picked up the phone. "Hello?" He listened in stony silence as Miranda sobbed beside him. He put the receiver down.

"Howard?" I whimpered. I wanted him to say my thoughts were wrong. I wanted him to tell me that Adam was fine and healthy and coming home.

Howard shook his head at me. "Adam was killed in a blast when moving bases. I'm sorry Emma."

I physically felt my heart snap in half. Part of me was dead. We were so connected together that if he died you might aswell have killed me to. Tears slid silently down my cheeks.

*Flashbacks over*

More tears slid silently down my cheeks. Rachel and Becca squeezed my hands tighter as some of Adam's army buddies lowered his coffin into the ground. They stood back and each removed their hats in a sign of respect.

They stood back and one by one his family and friends went to through single roses on top of his coffin. First Miranda and Howard. Both of them distruaght at the death of their son. Then Rebecca and James walked up and tossed one on. Davis went up without Rachel. Several more faces past but I couldn't see them through my tears.

"You want me to go up with you?" Rachel asked softly.

I shook my head. This was something I should do alone.

Rachel released my hand and walked up to her Adam's grave, she murmured a few words and walked away tears in her eyes and taken into a warm embrace of Davis.

I took a deep breath when I realised it was my turn. I rose slowly to my feet. I held the rose in my hands as I spoke softly. "Hello Adam. I want you to know how much I love you. How much I will always love you. I want you to know that I'll tell our baby how special you were Adam. Oh, Adam." I started to choke. I realised the life he had planned for us to start would never happen. "There was so much I wanted to tell you when you returned. But you never did..." I tossed the red rose on top of his coffin and walked away with tears rolling down my cheeks.


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