Pulling back her sleeve, his long fingers traced her scars and more recent cuts. "Why?" he asked, his voice a bit horse. Her eyes were closed and her hand moved to pull her sleeve back down, but the slight brush of his hand against hers stopped her.
"Because" her voice was barely above a whisper "I need to feel something. I need something that tells me I'm alive. Something I can turn to when things go wrong. Something that reminds me how horrible I am. Something to keep myself in line. To remember my place." Something that won't leave or betray me."
He glared at her, then her marred arm once more. "But why I don't get it. You have a wonderful home. Talent. Money. Two great, slightly over-protective parents. But still, nothing drastic enough for... This!"
Her eyes snapped open, burning with hate. Hate for his words. Hate for the truth. And hate for herself. "I know!" she half-screamed "And I hate myself for it! I have so much. But for a selfish bitch like me, it's not enough!" She collapsed on the ground in sobs. The first tears she shed in years. "I'm fucked up, Matthew. Don't you get it? I'm not mentally stable. I have all these problems. These internal conflicts. Sometimes I wish I got raped or was abused as a child." She let out a watery sarcastic chuckle "At least then, I'd have an excuse. A reason. But I don't. None other then my fucked up mind. Sometimes I swear I'm crazy." her eyes gazed up at his. Wide, like a lost, beaten puppy.
"Stop!" Matthew snapped to his feet. "Don't act with me!"
She lowered her eyes "I'm sorry. I just am so used to. I don't think anymore. It comes naturally."
"And don't play submissive with me either, Belinda."
She gazed up at him. This time her eyes were blank. Emotionless. Empty. "Do you really want this? To see how I am without acting? To see how cold and empty I am? Do you know how hard it will be to teach myself how not to act?"
He stared at her, long and hard, then nodded slowly "No matter how much it may scare me, I want you to stop acting. Then we'll try to get your emotions back."
A few minutes later, after he closed the door, she gave an eerie, empty smile, "Poor Matthew. He doesn't know that he'll be the reason I die..."
A/N: So, basically, if the end was confusing, Belinda feels nothing. She learned to act and perform, so it comes naturally. She doesn't know when, but all she knows is that somewhere along the way, she gave up her emotions. Also, acting helps her from diving straight for depression. She merely sinks slowly. By giving up the act, she's on a torpedo straight to suicide.