She was just standing there looking out the window, the moonlight lingering in her shock red hair. She took a last drag on the cigarette between her first and second fingers and then put it out, returning to looking at the darkness outside my bedroom widow. I quietly got up and hugged her waist from behind and kissed her neck gently, "Whatchya looking at?" I whispered in her ear as I rested my head on her shoulder.
"Everything," she whispered back while turning her head in the direction of my own. I the gently kissed her lips while she turned around to face me and put her arms around my waist and mine around her shoulders. Her head was resting on my chest and my head resting hers.
I lifted her chin with my finger lifting it so our eyes met; I leaned down and kissed her taunting red painted lips. Her red cigarette and lip-gloss tainted lips tasted as if someone had painted a thin layer of nail polish over them. The metallic taste didn't bother me, I didn't mind it. It tasted too good to notice anything else in the world, because in this moment it didn't matter at all. The kiss made my knees go weak and made my heart beat so fast I was sure there i would find a tattoo my heart had left against my chest.
There was a feeling in my stomach that was there every time I kissed her, it felt as if I had swallowed a thousand butterflies and they were fluttering around still alive in my stomach. I didn't know if it was excitement, love, fear, or something else. But whatever it was I loved it and I didn't want it to end. I leaned in to kiss her red beauteous lips even more and there was a knock on my door and I realized we were still in my cramped and messy room and that I was enjoying her kiss so much, I almost didn't notice the loud knocking. I reluctantly and slowly detached myself from her and her ruby lips and answered the door after making sure I didn't have red lipstick all over myself.
At the door was my mother checking on us to see how we were and what we were doing because she's so snoopy and always in my business so of course she really was just snooping to see if see could catch us in doing anything wrong and illegal. So of course I didn't tell her what we had really been doing, so instead I said that because it was so late, we were going to get dressed in our pajamas and go to sleep. To my surprise my mother actually believed me! It was un-fucking-believable!
After I made sure my mother was downstairs and far away from my door, I went back to Sybil, put my arms around her as she did the same, and leaned in to start kissing her again, when she put her hand up to stop me and asked the one question I had wanted to avoid this evening, "why didn't you tell her?" referring to my snooping mother.
I sighed and responded "I don't know. I guess I'm scarred of what her reaction will be."
It had been almost a month since I found out I was the L in LGBT, and I still hadn't told my mother, father, or anyone in my family or my small circle of friends. I was just so scarred that the worst would happen when I told them. It had also been almost three weeks since I had started dating Sybil, and we hadn't told anyone because I was so afraid and I hadn't come out yet. I could tell it was hurting her that people only thought we were best friends that were really close instead of something way more, and she was almost on the verge of screaming it out to anyone that would listen.
"Plus it just wasn't the right time to tell her something so big and important like this." She smiled when I had said how important our relationship was to me, I couldn't help but smile back at her. I bought her closer into an embrace and kissed her gently on her, now pale red, lips. "I'll tell her soon."
"I promise. And you'll be there when I do tell her."
At this she smiled again, and i brought her into another long kiss. I couldn't help but say yes to her, she's my first love and will be my only. She's the only one I could tell anything to.
I pulled out of the kiss and said "And after we tell my mother about us, we'll tell everyone." At this statement I could tell she was excited by her smile that almost stretched from ear to ear, but disappeared almost as soon as it came.
"What about your dad?"
"What about him?" I said holding back anger and tears, and dripping my arms from around her neck to her waste.
"Aren't you going to tell him too?" she asked looking up at me with her beauteous bright hazel eyes.
My hands fell from her waste as the mood was now ruined by the thought of my father. I sat on my bed and she sat next to me putting her arm around my waste as mine went around her shoulders. My father had left my mother when I was twelve and when my sister and brother were five, of course they didn't know what was going on and at first nor did I, but it soon became clear to me that he wasn't coming back to us. He just left my mom with almost nothing, and left us without good memories or a goodbye. He only called me once a year to say happy birthday then hang up so no questions would be asked of him. He called my younger siblings that never remember him but still said hi. After realizing what happened and that he wasn't coming back, I was happy because no one would be beating us and putting us down. The best thing to happen to me since he left was Sybil. She still is.
"He won't care." I said holding back tears.
Sybil noticed I was on the verge of crying, "I'm sorry sweetie, I forgot about that." she said as she hugged me around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder.
"It's ok Syb," I said before kissing the top of her head and hugging her back. I never did tell her the reason I hated him, she never asked, and I liked that she didn't ask about something I didn't want to relive.