Just started typing and led the story find its way. Here goes nothing: :)
Chapter 1. Lost
Never would I think that I'd be doing this. Talking about what I feel and with a complete stranger isn't really my cup of tea, but it is necessary, therefore I obey and come here and speak with Mrs. Pots, or like I like to call her: Psycho Lady. Don't worry; I never call her that to her face.
"Tell me more about yourself." Psycho lady asked as she traces her pen over the big yellow notepad she had resting on her folded legs. See, my mother thought it best for me to speak with psycho lady, instead of just keeping it all bottled up inside, like if that wasn't working or something. I was dealing with it pretty fine if you asked me.
"Well...I don't know what to say." And I really don't. How can you talk about yourself? I'm not coincided, so why should I?
"Just start with your family." Oh, this is going to be great. Ah, the sarcasm again. With a deep sigh I close my eyes and try to pretend that I'm writing a journal. You know how when you write a journal you can talk about anything? Well that's how I'm imagining this psycho lady to be: a big, bright red (to match her shirt), wide ruled, journal.
"Mmm... I have two sisters and a brother."
"Go on." More details, really?
"My mom is a business woman and my dad is a professional cook."
Psycho glanced over at me through her librarian glasses, "Oh, how nice. How about your friends? Tell me about them."
Where do I begin?! I have many friends, or had… mostly girls, but lately… let's just say that the number of boys has increased. I don't know if I should start complaining about it...
"Well, I am very well known. For the right reasons, not for what you're thinking." Her raised eyebrow slowly lowered to the place it belonged and she continued doodling away.
"Good. So tell me, why are you here?"
"I need to know." I don't know where this came from, but all of the sudden I just want my questions answered. I mean, while I'm here and speaking to a professional psycho lady, I might as minus well, no?
Psycho lady stopped and placed her notes on the old wooden table just a few inches away from her. With a puzzled expression on her face, she finally asked, "What do you need to know?"
"Everything. Why he left, why I feel this way, and why my family is like this?"
She kept staring at me searching for the real reason. She was confused and I couldn't blame her, but suddenly I felt very agitated and I wanted to know everything! I shut my eyes close and tried to calm myself because no matter how bad I wanted these answers from her, the truth, only God and I knew.
"Since when have you been feeling this way?"
Since forever, I wanted to scream at her, but I considered it. I'm actually hesitating, maybe I shouldn't tell her about all this… Sighing I pinch the bridge of my nose think about it hard. I mean, psycho lady did promise patient confidentiality, nothing I say here is getting out… or so I hope.
"I guess it all happen that Saturday I spent at my grandmother's house..."
I wasn't supposed to be there, but since my mom was on a business trip, my dad had to work, and my sisters were at tennis practice. My brother had barely started college out of town so there was no way he could stay with me. There was no other choice than to spend the evening with my grandma and I liked spending time there! Especially since she had cable and a pretty big TV that one of my aunts bought for her entertainment, and that now I would be taking advantage of! The only downside was that I had to help her clean and cook. Yeah, I was lazy, but I was barely fourteen. I was allowed to be lazy.
My grandma lived by herself in this big two story house. Every other day, one of her nine children would visit her and as I made my way to the living room and watch my favorite show, there was a knock on the door accompanied by the entrance of my uncle and cousin, trailing behind them, a boy who I've seen before.
"Hello, ma. Anybody home?"
I ran through the living room to greet my uncle with a hug and he caught me in the air with his big, strong arms like he always did.
"Hey pretty girl, what are you doing here? Where is your grandma?" he puts me down.
"She's out in the garden." And as soon as I say those words, he disappears, leading the way towards the garden. I suddenly realize there are still other people with me so I turn around and smile at my cousin, who was the same age I was at that time, and to the boy that's with him, who greeted me with an enthusiastic "hi".
"Hello. What are you guys doing here? Are you staying long?"
"No. I have soccer practice and my dad needs to go buy some things for the office," my annoyed cousin replied.
"Want to play hide and go seek?" This was my favorite game, and I was bored, so I dared asked. Since they were already here…
"Yes!" "Ok." Yes! I smiled big at them and ran to go hide, leaving my cousin to give us the count down since his friend, smarter than my cousin of course, ran after me, leaving him behind as well.
After a few hiding and seeking upstairs, my uncle called my cousin and his friend, "Marcos. John. We have to go." My uncle noticed John's sad expression for the early departure and stopped to look over at him, "John, do you want to stay and wait until I come back? I'll just be a while, picking up some office supplies and dropping Marcos at his soccer practice. You okay with that?" John grinned at the thought of staying in the house, he must have really liked the hide and seek game. "No, I don't mind!"
We waved goodbye as my uncle drove off the driveway and now it was only me and John because garden time was only grandma's time so that meant the whole house was for ourselves! But little did that happiness last. Bored out of our minds, with nothing good on TV, we decided to play hide and go seek again, but now upstairs.
It was John's turn to look for me and he did. He found me hiding in my grandma's huge closet. Instead of declaring he found me like other times and waiting for me to get out of hiding, he walked in and closed the door behind him. I kneeled confused and he smiled shyly back at me getting too close.
Somehow I knew what he wanted. This wasn't just "hide and seek" any more, and the truth is, it scared me to be there alone with him because this was John; The same John that I had a crush on since I met him last year. He was getting so close that now his nose was touching mine and I couldn't believe that he was about to… about to… Impossible!
Smiling with closed eyes he leaned closer, letting that little space between our mouths disappear to finally make our lips touch. A rush of hormones flushed through my body, making me want more. He took a hold of my hand and made me follow him out of the closet and into one of my grandmas' guest rooms. He closed the door behind us and turned on the small television and then turn towards the bed, where we sat, perturbing the unused sheets. I was nervous. We were in bed for crying out loud! And the television provided enough volume distraction to make anyone passing by that we were just watching it.
John starts to lean close to me, tilting my head over and begins kissing me again, and as before a rush of adrenaline passes through me and I begin kissing back. The kiss was so intoxicating that now John was laying half his body on top of me, his hands wondering around my body, and to top it all off, I was enjoying it. His big, warm hands on me triggered the adrenaline more and my body curved up to his, begging for more. Then I feel his fingers working down my shirt, unbuttoning it from the top down, exposing my chest to him. Soon, his hands were done and moved lower and lower, until he had the front of button of my jeans twisting between his fingers. His lips were traveling down my neck and to my breast and then I no longer felt pressure on my waist; he had managed to unbutton my jeans and now he was leading my hand towards his. I did as he wanted me to do, starting to fumble with the zipper of his jeans.
I started to feel weird. Started to feel myself enjoying myself too much and so… No! I shoved his hands away and got off the bed. John seemed surprised and tried to continue but I refused him by backing away.
"I love you, please, let me."
His words made me feel sick to my stomach because I realized what he really wanted. I was in shock and he took advantage and continued kissing me and biting me, lowering on me, distracting… but then I snapped out of it. I grabbed his head, which was now between my legs, to my face. He began kissing my neck again and I pulled away. I didn't want this and after all this refusing, he stopped and I was able to find my voice to speak again.
"Sorry John. I can't. I don't think I am old enough and… and it's just not right…." My head was repeating the word pregnant, but I wasn't going to embarrass myself by mentioning it to him.
Out of breath, but finally at ease, he smiled sadly and stared at the floor with thoughtful look. I felt like I had done wrong in stopping him, but I knew what was right. He grabbed my hand without saying a word, and we walked towards the living room. Grandma was barely coming in from her gardening, oblivious to what had just happen upstairs. We both smiled and released our intertwined hands before she could see us.
After that evening at grandmas', John wanted to be more than just my friend and I wanted that too. No one knew what had happen that day, and we would keep it like this. No one knew about the other days I spend at her house 'playing' with John.
We continued seeing each other, since he was a friend of my cousin, but one day in particular comes to mind. I remember being in his house, my family and his were close friends and we decided to pay them a visit. This time only my parents and I went to visit the Jones.
"Hey pretty girl, you grow up so fast!" Mrs. Jones greeted us, "Go on and play, John is upstairs waiting for you. He wants to show you some new video game he bought." Oblivious to what was going on between John and I, she directed me to the stairs.
I knew the way to his room; I've been here five or ten times since our parents met. Slowly, I opened the door and found him, sprawled on the floor, playing his video game. He turned around when he heard the click of the closing door, dropped what he was doing and grabbed my hand, pulling me deeper inside his chamber. He leaned in close to me until I was trapped between a wall and his body. With his hand he pulled me in closer to him leaving no space between us. Butterflies flew in my stomach as his warm, sweet breath, ghosted over my mouth.
"Hi." John said breathily, smiling a naughty grin.
"H-Hi." My mouth was dry and I stuttered.
"Want to see my new video game?" Oh god, now his hands are on my lower back! Can they be any hotter?!
He took me to his bed, grabbed the control and placed it in my hands. He showed me how to play. But unfortunately I was never a girl who likes video games that much and in less than five minutes I declared to be bored. Hequickly turned off his game and raised the volume on the TV. Sitting next to me, he grabbed my hand to show me some of his new things his mom had bought him that were near his desk. Distracted with the things he was showing me, I did not noticed when he quickly came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, starting to kissing the nape of my neck and then turned me to face him. His hands dropped behind my thighs to carry me and placing me on top of the desk.
He kissed me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck. He grabbed my legs towards his hips carrying me to his bed. Everything started spinning as he was on top of me, kissing me, and feeling me. I moaned and lost my mind again. How did he know what to do to make me feel so good?
No pants were on, or shirts, it was just me and him in our undergarments, pressing our skins together. I was on top of him, both engrossed on the kissing, but his hand was busy. His mouth was on my neck now as his had unhooked my bra; his other hand on my behind, feeling me up. This continued for ten more minutes until we were completely nude and he was trying to procreate. With all the moaning and breathless moments, I didn't have time to think about what we were getting close to doing. I panicked and stopped him; he refused to stop, trying to convince me to continue by doing things that made me moan more and more…
I can't! I just can't!
"Stop John, stop... I just can't…" I was begging him to stop but I didn't want him too…
John stood up and finally stopped. "Okay... I'm sorry. It's just that I love you... I-I need you." He looked at me with big, puppy looking, blue eyes that made me want to say yes, but I couldn't. "I know this might not be the best time and kind of late, but will you be my girlfriend officially?"
I got out of the bed and got dressed, thinking about what he was saying. We had not put labels to what we were until now and somehow the thought of being his, made my heart stop in excitement.
"And I really did mean it when I said I love you. I want to marry you..." And with that there was a knock on the door. "John, Bella is leaving!" Judy, John's little sister yelled over the loud TV.
After that day, John and I started saying we were together; to everyone, except our parents. Why you might ask, honestly I don't know. Fear maybe.