The Diary Of Otillie Mahoney

Chapter 1

June

18/6/12

Ahoy there, the name is Otillie. Or Tilly for short. If you jump to a conclusion that I'm such posh snob because of my name, don't. Because my life is the complete opposite of posh. In fact, it's worse than that.

I think I should spare your boredom and just start with how terrible today, the eighteenth of June was. Well, for a starter, last night my phsyco step-brother was wailing all night because he was having a nightmare so I couldn't sleep. In the morning, Karla (my mum) had a banging headache and woke me up about half an hour late so I couldn't shower in our freezing cold thing that we all have to share, or put on any of my cheap foundation that Jen (my only friend) stole from one of her sisters for me. I literally opened the tiny fridge door and grabbed the nearest thing. Which just so happened to be a block of cheese that I can't even eat because I'm lactose intolerant.

I was in such a rush I forgot to pack some of my vital school books so I had to subtly share Jen's. I also forgot to take my PE kit completely and had to come up with a good excuse for my teacher. She didn't believe me and dug out an ancient pair of shorts and a yellow (I think it was once white) t-shirt. I was the laughing stock of the form. If that wasn't bad enough, we were doing the four hundred metres and it started raining like hell so it looked like I had greasy hair for the rest of the day. Jen did tie it back in this trendy braid though, it looked dead cool so I guess that sort of cheered me up a bit.

After Biology, when we were walking to the canteen to get some pizza, a third year knocked into me and I twisted my ankle when I tripped. Jen took me to the medical room but all they did was bandage it up and gave me a lolly. That I didn't even eat.

We had French next and because the exams were the week before we were recieving our exam results. And yes, I did awful. I didn't even get above average, or the average. I was well below it. 43%. Jen, being the living Einstein she is, got 97%. That was the first result we got. We had Maths after that and I'm alright at that, and scored a promising 85%. Jen got full marks in hers but she knew I was having a bad day so didn't rub it in. She never rubs anything in, to be honest. That's why she's my best friend. And I never have anything to even rub in about.

Then it gets worse. So we got to the canteen for lunch and I was starving because I hadn't had any breakfast or got anything for break. When I was paying for my usual chicken sandwich and chocolate muffin, the lady at the till told me I had no money left. Karla had forgot to top up my account. I had to put my stuff back and I was so mad I ditched Jen and ran to the toilets to cry. When I got out, people were laughing and pointing at me and Jen told me I had a trail of toilet paper stuck to my foot. It was the most embarrasing thing I had ever experienced in my life.

The rest of the school day wasn't too bad but the fact that I was so depressed just made it a horrible afternoon. I locked myself in my room for the whole night and spent it crying and texting Jen.

19/6/12

Nothing really happened that's actually writeable today, I mean, I got my Geography results which were so bad it makes me shudder just writing it down. Jen was being... weird. I mean, it's kind of really getting on my nerves how she's been hanging out with this girl called Hannah and whenever they're together, Hannah finds away of ditching me. Then I have to hang out with Kelly and Ollie who can be really irritating sometimes. Especially when you're depressed and all they can say is "Are you OK?" or "Tilly, what's wrong?"

I'm not sure if Hannah likes me or not, but I sure don't. It was before the revision season started, we were in this toilet thing on a school trip and Hannah came up to us. We'd talked to her before but I barely knew her. Jen knew her outside of school so they were instantly friendly. I wasn't sure. She seemed dodgy fromn the way she spoke and threw her arm around your neck. I was right. She was taking Jen away from me.

But I won't let that happen.

Anyway, this is how she was acting 'weird'. When I came into registration, I threw my bag onto the desk as usual, and I was in a bit of a downer cause Karla is still going through a weird phase (turns out it was more than a hangover). I went over to Jen and she just rolled her eyes at me. I asked her what and she just said; "Seriously, Till, if you're sad just be nice to others. It puts a down on the atmosphere." then with a wave of her hand, she left the form room to laugh with Hannah. I was really hurt. Like, really hurt. Then I found Ollie and Kelly and went to assembly when Jen caught up with us and scolded us for leaving her behind. Another thing that kind of etched a bit.

She sat next to me in assembly and Hannah was with the group of popular girls from her form so I guess that wasn't all bad and when we were walking to DT she seemed happy enough. When we got there though, she asked me something strange. She said; "Do you like Hannah?" Of course I said 'yes' but I was aching to say 'no'.

Then she completely ditched me at break for of course, Hannah, so I hung out with Ollie and Kelly to eat my pizza. I don't mind Ollie as much, it's just Kelly is really weird and her hair is horribly greasy and she gets food in it all the time. I went to Ollie's primary school so I automatically liked her.

One good thing did happen, actually, I went to drama club, as usual, at lunch. And guess who asked to be partners with me when we were doing trust exercises? Tate Johnson, the fittest guy to roam the school halls. Oh my God, his American accent! I swear we are perfect for eachother. Next Tuesday, I'm going to pluck up the courage and ask him.

I didn't tell Jen about it. I don't know why. We are best friends, but with her attitude today and her crush on him as well, I decided not to incase she got mad or did her signature eye roll.

Gotta go, Ryan (my step dad) is calling me for a cheap, ready made tea.

20/6/12

Today is definitely on my list of worst days EVER.

Let's list it.

1. My alarm clock wasn't working for some spasticated reason, so I slept in for half an hour, again. And I didn't even get the chance to shower or have breakfast so yet again, I was dirty and starving for school. Then before I left, Mum reminded me I had English and if I didn't get 100% she'd be very dissapointed in me. I don't know if she was being serious or not, but her voice didn't sound the latter. So this also resulted me in being extremely late and looking like a fool for registration as it was raining like hell when I was walking up.

2. Jen was just being plain old off towards me right from when I walked in and Ollie and Kelly were just being strangely quiet so that obviously dragged my mood down a bit. Well, a lot. It really blows to have your best friend mad and blanking you.

3. My hayfever had been building and building up until assembly when I had a MASSIVE sneezing fit and couldn't stop so I had to be taken out and go to the medical room and everyone was staring at my snot covered, washed out jumper. It was so embarrasing it should have been illegal. Then the medical room people gave me this medicine that tasted so horrible I swear i was going to throw it right back up.

4. Miss asked me to talk to her outside about my exam results during Geography and she said that she was going to split me up from Jackie because we talk to much and I have to sit at the front because I don't concentrate enough. I'm not good at Geography and I never will be, she should know that. I'm definitely not taking it for GCSE that's for sure.

5. I tripped up on the way to French and fell in a puddle so I got a big muddy stain up my summer dress. Ollie was kind enough to take me to the cloakroom and clean up. I had to wear my newly cleaned (the only upside to it) PE kit for the rest of the day. That got me a lot of strange looks.

6. At lunch, Jen confronted me, with Hannah about ditching them all the time for Ollie and Kelly. I defended myself and said I only went to them because she kept going off with Hannah. Then she said I was being really moody with her so she hung out with Hannah because she didn't want to be in a bad atmosphere because it 'fills her pores'. I then said I was only in a bad mood because I was having trouble at home, the exams were so stressing and on top of that I was losing grip of my best friend (I was shouting by then). She snorted and said if I wasn't such a downer she'd still have a firm grip of me. Then I dropped the bomb and screamed "Since when did you turn into such a massive cow, Jennifer?" She looked like she could slap me. So yeah, I think I just lost my best friend.

7. I went back into the form room crying and everyone was asking what was going on and when I said "nothing" expecting comforting words; they just went back to their business as usal without another word. I ran to the toilet and sat in there crying for hours.

A quick break in this list, one slightly strange/good thing did actually happen today. Well, when I was in the toilet crying for ages, in a break between sobs, someone knocked on the cubicle door and I gingerely opened it for a bit. It was a girl from A3, so she was in my year. That's all I recognised her as though. I didn't know her name. She took my hand and sat me down on the chair outside of the cubicles. She told me her name, which is Fiona, by the way, and then asked me what was wrong. I couldn't help it, I was so overcome with everything that's been piling on me that I just had to tell this kind girl I barely knew. She listened to everyword with her kind, sea green eyes and didn't interrupt once. Jen used to do this, but she would interrupt if she disagreed with something straight away because she is so impatient. Fiona didn't.

So when I'd finished my pathetic little tale. She started with the "it's gonna be OK" speech and I was contemplating leaving when she twisted her words and started telling me what to not do and what to. She was so clever with what she said. She told me that is Jen was as horrible to switch personalities and dump me with a click of her finger that she obviously wasn't worth the time or effort and that Ollie and Kelly seem like geniuine friends and they only keep nagging about wanting to know what's wrong because they actually care and they're not trying to be annoying. Then she said that I shouldn't take out my misery on my family in the slightest as they're gonna be the ones most effected by my depression. She said that because their my parents (well, Ryan isn't exactly but he's playing the role) they think it's their fault if your having trouble with anything. And even though you should tell them your problems and ask for help, you can't blame them. She said I shouldn't think it's their problem that they're in such financial state, because it's not.

Then she gave me a long hug and a pack of Mentos. I took them thankfully as I was losing breakfast each day and the hug was the first proper one I'd had in ages. I decided right then that I didn't want Jen as my best friend, or Ollie or Kelly. I wanted this girl, Fiona. She was so understanding and smart and she even had a spare dress I could borrow. She said that if my mum couldn't clean it tonight I could wear it for as long as I needed. I made a vow to find Fiona from the crowd more and talk to her more.

She made me promise I'd tell her if anything went wrong again.

Back to the- wait, that was it. Nothing else really happened that was bad. I mean, after the encounter with Fiona, a lot of GOOD things happened. Including, I saw Tate on the way back to registration and he smiled and waved. And I DID get 100% in English. It turned out my mum was joking, but she was over the moon never the less.

I remembered to get Fiona's number before we left, so I could text or ring her in case of an emergency. I told her about my mum being really happy about my results and she said that she should be, and so should I as full marks is a very rare thing.

I'm watching one of my favorite films as I write this. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. It's got Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson and Micheal Caine in it. I'm literally falling asleep now, so bye.

21/6/12

Today wasn't as bad as usual today.

So I got up and got on with my usual morning schedule. My clock was working today, it turned out that Josh (my sniffling step brother) was playing with it and ripped out the batteries. The shower was working so I had a long hot shower with some expensive new shampoo and conditioner my mum got free off a friend. It made my hair super soft and shiny and mum French plaited it from my parting to down my shoulder so I looked like Katniss Everdeen. She even let me borrow some of her make up so I put on some cool mascara and lipstick and painted my nails with this fire design I saw on YouTube, to match my hair.

Mum was so happy with my English result that she was buttering me up. Training me to remember that everytime I recieve good in English, my reward is her sweetnes. In my opinion, a good mother is the best prize to get. Josh was being exceptionally good and Ryan kept picking me up off the floor and spinning me around when I least expected it, so I think she must've warned them too. Or they just guessed from my new mood.

I rooted out a bus pass from the drawer in the hallway and took the bus to school. I was happy to see Fiona, and Tate, took the bus too. Fiona ushered me over to the back where I was sitting and when I sat down next to her, Tate came over and sat on the other side of me. So we had a great trip to school just plain messing about.

Jen gave me very cold looks when I walked through the school gates with one of the prettiest girls in the year and one of the handsomist guys in the school. I just gave her a grin and she ran off with Hannah. Yep, she's definitely gone out of my life as my best friend forever now. Not even a million 'sorries' and J-Hutch films will convince me to let her back in. I don't think she even wants to.

I sat next to Ollie and Kelly in all my lessons and they definitely seemed less annoying when I'm in a good mood. In PE, I scored four whole rounders. That was a rounder each time I batted because there was two innings and we bat twice each innings. I also caught Jennifer out twice which really cheesed her off. Especially when I got such good praise from the coach for it. She even scolded Jennifer for not batting properly and dropping her bat when she ran.

The day was such a highlight, especially after what happened during the earlier week. I told Fiona at lunch and she seemed so pleased.

We had Art after lunch and guess what? I got 100%. Yep. I nearly squealed with joy. She didn't give me my work back like everyone else because she wants to put it up in the main hall.

Jennifer tried to sabotage my new drawing by dropping some stain on it. I caught her in the act and she got sent out by the teacher.

I swear today was some gift from the Gods. It was so amazing. I actually went home with a smile on my face instead of crying or just going straight up to my dinky little room without saying anything. Mum even ordered my favorite meal; egg fried rice and crispy duck. I actually think I might get to sleep at a human hour, so I'm gonna try.