Why did he have to leave me?

I just wish he could come back and be that sweet guy again.

He made me happy; whenever anything bad happened, at school or at home, I could just hug him or hold his hand and then everything would be okay again.

Now I have no one.

No GUY, I mean... no BOYFRIEND, no BEST FRIEND that I can hug and hold and just love with all of my heart.

I mean I kind of still have that, but it's either just the memories or all in my head.

I hate waking up from amazing dreams and finding out that they aren't real.

I'm so sad these days that... I actually wish I could live in my dreams.

In my dreams I'm happy and everyone else is so nice and sweet... nothing is bad and nothing goes wrong, but in reality... it's the complete opposite.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt my friend's feelings, but friends just don't help.

I know they mean well and they try their hardest to keep my mind off of things, but it's still there.

He's always there... I love him.

A lot of people told me I shouldn't and that I should really move on, but everytime I try I get pulled back.

I know I should stop looking at his pictures, but they're there... I just can't help it.

I cry, I hurt myself, and I love him more and more.

It makes no sence... part of me wants to move on, but I know I can't do it.

I just want him...back.

I miss him; I miss everything.

I don't know what I did; I don't know if it was even me... I actually want to know what it was.

Maybe that would help me move on.

Maybe it would crush me evenmore, but I kind of want to know.

I have to confess I never got to kiss him and I really want to.

I just want to walk up to him and kiss him and walk away.

I wonder what he'd do then.

Would he talk to me again?

Would be, does he even still like me?

I know he said he only likes me "as a friend" about four months ago when one of my best friends asked him in the hall at school one day, but I just hope and wish he still does...

I'm sorry because I'm pretty sure this doesn't just happen to me, but WHY?

Why does this have to happen?

Why does this have to happen to me?

What did I do?

So many things are wrong in my life... but does this really have to be another thing?

I loved him... I still love him.

He made me happy and now without him I feel like nothing... no one... nobody...

I am nobody and some days I just want to hurt myself, kill myself and then see who would really care.

I know there would be a lot of sad people, but I'm sorry they'd get over it eventually.

Part of me just doesn't want to live without him.

Is that sad?

Because that's exactly how I feel...

I feel nothing now but pain and I don't even know if he can change that back anymore...

I miss him but if he comes back will I really still love him?

...I don't know.

I kind of give up.

I don't know what to do or what to think anymore.

He's changed and yet I still like him.

I'm convinced that I love him, but it this really love?

I guess is love it full of pain and is as twisted as this is and as I feel now.

I write a lot of poems and notes about him and keep them mainly to myself.

I share some of them to my friends.

Their comments help me, but I still feel the pain and sadness.

I just really wish it could go away.

I have so much guilt and so many other feelings... I just wish it could all go away.

Ugh, I just want someone to hold me again and hug me.

Hold my hand, kiss me, tell me they like my hair even when it's a mess... hold me close and make me feel like I can't breath but whisper sweet things in my ear that make me smile and not care that I can barely breath.

I want so many things... but it's been months, almost a year, it looks like you're wishes don't come true as soon as you think.

You apparently have to hurt a little to get the things you really want...