Dear Diary, Day One

Hello, my wonderful new diary which is soon to be filled with the exciting adventures of me, Moe the Great, Conqueror of the Great Five Rooms, which include the Upstair's Bathroom, a Bedroom which my little servant sleeps, another Bathroom, the Great Kitchen of Delicious Smells, and a small Snuggle Room in the dungeon, which I am currently trying to conquer much to the Big Man's protests.

I started my day as usual, waking to the horrendous kicks and jabs of my servant's feet. I don't see why she can't sleep on the floor and let her master have the whole bed to himself sometime. I could really use a good night's sleep you know.

Well, I can't stay in bed moping and trying to ignore the sharp pains coming from my servant's awful feet. I can try all I want at batting them and pouncing on them, but they never still. It's the same thing every night.

I yawn and stalk angrily out of my glorious bed, deciding an encyclopedia is just as good as that over-rated bed over there. My legs slide beneath me and into their little compartments invisible to the human eye. I appear weak and leg-less, but when predators near, I roll over and bam! I give them a good kick in the face.

So, I drift off into a deep slumber and awake to my servant moaning like a banshee, struggling to overcome the fogginess of sleep that effects all humans greatly. We cats, on the other hand, can appear and act fully awake at a moment's notice.

My servant slides out of bed, much like a slug, and fumbles around the bedroom, noticing me immediately and caressing me with many hugs and kisses. I am sure to give her feet a venomous glare just to show them they have not earned my forgiveness.

Now I go about, following my servant. I only do this because one: I want to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't fall down the stairs...Especially when she's dead to the world like she is every morning. Two: She gives me little tidbits of food if I stick around. She is obviously feeding me small portions of the Human's Food so that I don't get clumsy, as she has. Human's Food is the only explanation for the human's embarrassing clumsiness and scrambled-brains.

I now rub against her knees as she enters the kitchen. "Feed me! Feed me some of your rich, side-effect food!" I beg repeatedly. Well, I don't beg, I demand some delicious food. My servant pours human-kibble into her bowl and yawns. I now have to wait for her to eat the disgusting Shredded Wheat things that flake up and become huge globs of Shredded Mush.

She now leaves her bowl unoccupied while she plays with a newspaper, laughing occasionally at the strange little human doodles covering whole sides of the newspaper. Some days I enjoy running through the little tunnels in her newspaper. This annoys her, but I get a kick out of it. I also enjoy laying down on top of the newspaper she's looking at and demanding pets and belly rubs.

I will end my first entry here, at the end of my usual morning, licking the scrumptious milk out of her bowl. You can expect many more entries very soon!

Sincerely,

Moe the Great, Conqueror of the Great Five Rooms, which include the Upstair's Bathroom, a Bedroom which my little servant sleeps, another Bathroom, the Great Kitchen of Delicious Smells, and a small Snuggle Room in the dungeon, which I am currently trying to conquer much to the Big Man's protests.