This here's a tale of how thuh Word was won in thar Wahroongaville:
Ol' Pius Earp, thuh Heretic was fixin' f'r a doctrine spill.
Well durin' Sabbath lunch he crashed thuh Senior Pasta Bake Saloon,
'n forced them folks to list'n to 'is "righteousness-by-good-works" tune.
But ridin' thru thuh church car park, upon 'is new Coyote Steed
(Thuh one he'd asked thuh good Lord f'r) Doc Grolimund blew in, to plead
Thuh cause of righteousness-by-faith in that thar Jesus feller known
To be thuh Word, who proves an hombre cannot live by bread alone.
Well Pius Earp was fulla lead - thuh kind of low down sneaky tricks,
That lead to legalistic talk. He drew 'n' fired 'is 6-6-6-
Type shooter pistol at thuh Doc, dischargin' Ol' Diablo's seeds
O' lies, to make them townsfolk think they'd get to heaven through good deeds.
Doc Grolimund had bin around them parts; 'n' Romans tol' him why
Good works won't git folks to that great big prairie somewhere in thuh sky.
"With doctrine, Ah c'n slaught'r ye," thuh Doc said, openin' up 'is book
(400 dollars wisely spent). Now Earp would not git off thuh hook.
Doc spoke of Jesus washin' clean each dirty sinn'r: guy 'n' gal.
A shootout was a-brewin' in thuh Valley-of-thuh-Fox Corral.
Thuh varmint spouted poison slugs he'd soaked in some fermented hooch
That kings 'n' Christians didn't oughta drink, nor feed it to thuh pooch.
Then Pius Earp turned yeller at thuh mention of thuh Son of God,
'n' changed thuh subject onto fiery torment, as he drew 'is rod.
Doc Grolimund could hol' 'is own, 'n' fired thuh most convincin' shell:
"Thuh Book don't never talk of an eternity of pain in hell."
Thuh Doc explained thuh second death, 'n' also mentioned Lazarus,
Who, if he'd come (from heaven) back, would think thuh town worth less than cuss,
'n' asked "My Lord, why have you given me an awful downward steer
From heaven to this town with these here bullets, brawls 'n' bouts 'n' beer?"
So Earp thuh critter lost 'is cool 'n' said, "I'll turn yez into mulch."
But Doc let loose with scripture, 'til thuh low-down coot fell in thuh gulch.
Doc hollered, "If yez don't repent, like any unbelievin' goat,
Ye'll be a stiff thuh Lord won't resurrect in this here book I tote."
Them townsfolk had been witnessin' this duel, 'n' each of them could feel
That John was right to warn them of what's in each Revelation Seal,
That Grolimund went on to read, lest all them hombres miss thuh coach.
Well some were fools, and some were wise 'n' listened to thuh Doc's reproach.
Them foolish ones just didn't cotton onto how thuh scripture beat
Thuh dust snake's lies, 'n' left Doc shakin' dust from 'is departin' feet.
He rode 'is new Coyote off 'n' holstered 'is ol' Bible gun,
F'r daily future solo use. That's how thuh Word was really won.
Not since thuh book of Acts, was wildfire Bible preachin' so far spread:
St Albans to Yosemite. Them folks came seekin' daily bread,
'n' heard it on thuh Sabbath, even tho' thuh Doc was one time fined,
F'r missin' local votin'; tho' methinks thuh good Lord didn't mind.