When Doc Grolimund wuz ridin' on 'is much enjoyed Coyote Steed,
'e wuz hunted by Miss Voll-Voe-Ryder, who 'ad felt a burstin' need,
Ter be 'eadin' fer thuh nearest rider o' 'er nationality
(Namely Swedish). Doc wuz impacted before 'e 'ad thuh chance ter flee.
Doc's Coyote Steed wuz clobbered good 'n' couldn't still be ridden yet;
Not until it spent a month recuperatin' at thuh Traveler's Vet.
Known ter blow 'is top in early days, Doc Grolimund now showed thuh face
O' 'is Saviour, now that Bible readin' filled 'im up wit' Jesus' grace.
It wuz witness fer thuh filly who 'ad brought 'is ridin' ter a halt,
'n' a witness ter 'is parish, makin' Grolimund thuh latter salt
O' thuh earth. Then while parishioners wuz chowin' on thuh Sabbath meal,
Doc wuz home alone 'n' workin' 'ard ter write 'is latest sermon spiel.
So Pen-Handle Pete 'ad center stage 'n' copped a blast from one such skirt
(Filly Howdy-Doodie), who observed 'is second 'elpin' o' dessert.
Rita (Pumpkin-Soup-O'-Sweden Eater) 'n' 'er sisters then affirmed
Their belief: Pen-Handle Pete wuz needin' treatment fer ter be de-wormed.
Pete wuz followin' thuh Phraser-Elder's great 'n' much inspirin' lead;
Since thuh Phraser 'ad 'is four desserts. Pen-Handle Pete indulged 'is need
Ter 'ave six fruit salad 'elpin's, while thuh filly cooks beheld in awe.
When Pete used thuh Little 'Ventists room, 'e found some kid 'ad locked thuh door.
It wuz locked inside. Pen-Handle Pete soon guessed: some cheeky varmint kid
'ad secured thuh lock, before 'e lay down on thuh floor 'n' deftly slid
Out 'n' left Wahroongaville one dunny down, 'til Wily Wally said
'e would climb thuh toilet wall by ladder from thuh parish garden shed.
But before 'e found thuh ladder, somewhat slim 'n' fit Pen-Handle Pete
Lay upon thuh floor 'imself, performin' quite a pow'rful slidin' feat.
Pete got 'alfway under that thar door 'n' couldn't move another stage,
Since thuh door 'n' Pete wuz jammed tergether, somewhere near 'is rib bones cage.
Fer a pair o' minutes, poor Pen-Handle Pete wuz really pow'rful stuck,
'n' admitted that, fer once, it hadn't been such everlastin' luck
Ter 'ave eaten all them fruity vittles. Then exertin' quite a force
On 'is tummy, 'e pulled in 'is ribs along wit' six o' second course.
'e got past thuh door, 'n' finally released thuh wayward gents room lock.
No-one else could eat like 'im 'n' still contract 'is growin' forward stock,
In 'is hour o' need, when cubicle wuz callin' Pete ter save thuh day.
This 'as been thuh tale o' what goes on when Grolimund 'as been away.