Paradise was not lost nor did it fall. It was lifted from my eyes, as a great veil of illusion gathered together and carried off in the wind. All of this world's beautiful imperfections, made perfect by good intentions and individual perseverance were lifted away from me, like a great weight. It was only after this moment of wonderful relief, of cognitive dissonance disrupted, that I realized the stabilizing nature of that weight. Where I was once a confused man, feeling crushed beneath the enormous mass of mine own false convictions, I was now a single blank page being cast about by the storms of an indifferent reality. For that short moment though, all was relief and scientific wonder. All at once made sense and, as the nature of that sense had not yet fully blossomed in my mind, I felt as a god amongst men. The world was not beautiful in its flaws, but horrific in its perfection. Every particle in every atom was set in its place as was meant to be. The bio-mechanical structures on this tiny, insignificant (as though size or significance are concepts of any relevance in this new world) behaved exactly as they were to behave, in they only way they possibly could. This was the image of Binah, as described by the ancients, and it was only logical that the sadness, also as described, would follow.
Tears flowed. There is a perceptible cruelty in a fated and disinterested universe. It is easy to find evil in the purposefulness of every instance of suffering across time and space. It is easy. It is easy, and it is wrong. Thus, this too did pass. There is a reason that we can not visit Daath, and it is for this same reason that it is both easy and wrong to find cruelty and sadism in the machinations of our cold, merciless universe. We lack the proper perspective, or more correctly, we maintain an improper perspective. It is painful and confusing to witness the knowledge and scope of the power of god, because we do not understand the mind of god, the mind of god being an infinitude of simplicity that, in our demand for perspective, we fail completely to grasp, largely for the simple reason that we grasp at all.
There is no god. The only true perspective is that perspective is false. The universe is the only power within itself. It experiences every point within itself simultaneously through every point within itself. The abyss looks in to itself, knows itself, and in knowing continues to become itself. There is no meaning. It is simply such. It is both impossible and ineffective to intervene. In an infinite machine whose only purpose is to be that which it it is, the only theoretical intervention is to end its existence, which would only prove to give it a purpose, to end, and simultaneously fulfill it. This is the crippling liberation I sought and found: atheist enlightenment.