The Legend of Garrkie the Barbarian

A barbarian he is.

Do you know who he is?

No? I do not blame you.

I'm here to tell you a story

About… I'm not going to tell you.

It should be obvious.


He lived in the village of Mancrum

Where all a man gets is a crum.

He was a brave man.

A very brave man.

Braver than twelve…

Very, very brave animals.

I don`t know which.

Telling you that isn`t my job.

Anyway, he was very brave.

I hope I got that across.

One day, he had a son.

He named him Alpha, the Brute.

He raised him. Each night,

They killed their dinner,

Or hunt demons

And monsters.

One day, they heard of the demon

Named King Marune.

"We'll kill 'em!"

Garrkie said to his son.

"We'll bash 'em!"

Alpha said to his dad.

So that night

They head out to the Grey Forest

Where King Marune lived.

They went with a battle axe for Garrkie

And a mallet for Alpha.

Both were clad in the best armour they could buy.

Which weren't very good.

They approached his castle

Prepared for combat.

The guards put up quite the fight,

But the two blood warriors prevailed.

They strolled into the castle.

"If we kill the demon,"

Alpha asked his father,

"Do we get this castle?"

"Of course not!"

Garrkie answered.

"We'll get ALL his stuff!"

Both Garrkie and Alpha shared a


They eventually got to the throne room.

"Who are you?"

Asked King Marune.

Garrkie and Alpha had a good laugh

As if he just made a hilarious joke.

"How dare you laugh at the amazing King Marune!"

The duo laughed again.

"If you laugh again, you shall feel my great wrath!"

King Marune said this in a booming voice.

And the barbarians replied with booming laughter.

"Fine. You have sealed your faith."

In a flash, the two barbarian's were just ash

Inside armour.

King Marune laughed.

Garrkie may come back,

But I do not know.

Did you enjoy my tale?


Well. That's the point.

It's supposed to teach you not to laugh at people.

If you learned that,


You deserve a gold star,

And, some better armour.