All I remember was cutting. Cutting until I believed I had no blood left. All I remember was this vision of mine. The vision of a pain free life- the vision of no life. All I remember was taking the pills until I couldn't feel my body. All I remember was holding the gun in my hand, waiting for the perfect moment. Then... darkness.
"Wake up, damn it. Mariah. Wake up. You fucking idiot. You were trying to die on me, weren't you?"
What? No. No. I'm dead. Right? I'm dead? I have to be dead.
"I can't believe you. I mean, you'd go and do this after all I've done for you? Come on. You're one selfish little bastard, aren't you?"
Oh god please, no. Please, anyone but him. Please, oh god! Please!
"You're so silly. You think I'd let you get away with this? You're so wrong. Oh, Mariah. You were so close, weren't you? You thought you were finally free. Why would you do this? I'm all you have. All you've ever had. Isn't that enough?"
No. Please oh god no. Not again. Please god he's going to kill me. He's going to kill me.
"Oh, stop shaking, you baby. I just saved your life! You should be happy! For a second, I thought you were actually dead. But, being the cunning hero I am, I saved you. Don't you want to know how I did it?"
Getting furious at my silence, he reaches out and slaps my face. "Answer me, damn it. Don't you want to know how I saved your life?"
"Yes. Please tell me how you did it, sir," I answer in a very hoarse voice.
"Good. Looks like you still know your place, at least. It was quite simple, really. When I found you, you were bleeding from everywhere. Silly. You should have just shot yourself. Then I couldn't have saved you. But, you didn't. I saved you. Hah. So first, I got bandages and I stopped all the bleeding. You're quite the chainsaw massacre, you know. Then, I saw the empty bottle next to you. I figured you took all of them, so being smart, I made you throw it all up! And, well, here we are now!"
I can't believe him. I want to be dead now more than ever. Please, god. Take my life. Please.
"What? No thank you? I did just save your life, you know," he said starting to get impatient.
"Thank you, sir."
A satisfied smile on his face, he replied, "Now. What should I do with you? Hmm. I could... well, no, that's too serious for a time like now. Ooh! Idea! Let's go watch our favorite movie! Sounds fun, right? I'll even pop popcorn. Wow. Look at me. Hero of the day, and big brother of the year. Damn. You better not get used to this."
Considering I couldn't walk, he picked me up and carried me to the living room, setting me on the couch. My whole body was numb. I started to silently cry. This can't be happening. This isn't happening, god. No. Please oh god. Please. I'm begging you.
Coming back in the room, I notice he's not only carrying popcorn. He's carrying ropes and duct tape. No. Please god, no. "I'm not as dumb as you probably think I am. I know you'll try to run. Soooo, I'll just... tie you up! Then we can have all the fun in the world," he said, smiling.
He made his way towards me, and set the popcorn on the couch. I couldn't even move if I tried, so this is really pointless. But, he is smart. If I could move, I would have tried to run. He gently takes my feet, puts them together, and wraps a rope around them. Then, he moves to my wrists. My wrists were cut so badly, so, he, being hero and big brother of the year, decides to put a cloth around the rope so it wouldn't irritate my fresh cuts.
Finishing tying me up, he says, "There we go. Now, we can have fun! Which one of our favorite movies should I put in? Toy Story, or Spiderman? Hmmm... I'm in more of a Toy Story mood tonight."
He didn't use the duct tape to tie me up, so what could he use it for? Oh. Then it dawns on me. My mouth. If I ever got my voice back, I would try to scream for help. He knew that. I know that the moment I start to scream or cry, he'll tape me up. Great.
"Isn't this fun, Mariah? Look! We're going to have fun! Aren't we going to have fun?"
When I don't answer, he decides to mock me. "Why yes, dearest sir hero, we will have the greatest amounts of fun!"
Feeling the need to answer him before he hurts me, I reply, "Yes, sir. We are going to have fun." Wow. That was very monotone. I like it.
"Yes, Mariah, we are. Shit. It's a little chilly in here. Would you like a blanket? Wouldn't want you getting cold, now would we?" he says pretending to care.
Freezing to death, (not literally, if only), I say, "Actually, sir, I would like a blanket. I am kind of cold. Thank you, sir."
He sighs, rolls his eyes, and gets up to get me a blanket. I do a quick look around, to see if there's anything of use, anything to help me escape. Nothing. He really thought this one through. Huh.
Covering me with a blanket, he says, "Here ya go. Can I sit down and watch the movie now? God. What I do for you is never enough."
"Thank you very much, sir. You didn't have to get it for me, but I thank you," I reply, trying to keep him calm.
The movie starts to play, and he sits back and starts to eat the popcorn. He glances from me to the screen every now and then. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe he thinks I'm eating my way through the ropes or something.
"Oh, I almost forgot. Would you like some popcorn?"
"No thank you, sir. I'm not hungry."
"What? I go through all this trouble to make it, just for you, and you won't even eat it?" he screams at me.
"Actually, sir, I lied. I would like some popcorn. Please."
A slight smile on his face, he tells me to open my mouth, and carefully places three pieces of popcorn in my mouth. Then he feeds himself. It hurts so bad to chew the popcorn, let alone taste it. The taste makes me want to throw up. After chewing, I try to swallow. It burns like hell.
"Hahahahahah! This movie is so great! Don't you think?"
"Yes, sir, it is a very great movie."
"No... Yes, please, sir. Thank you very much."
He places more popcorn in my mouth, then turns back to the movie. This time, when I try to swallow the popcorn, I start to choke on it because my throat and mouth are so dry.
He looks at me, then glares. "Mariah? Can you please quiet down? This is the best part."
I stop coughing and start to silently cry again. "Please, sir, may I go to the restroom? I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"You really think I'm going to let you go to the restroom? After that stunt you just pulled? Damn, woman. You're fucking crazy." I'll take that as a no.
Then it hits me. The feeling. The feeling of every single one of my cuts. The feeling of the pills that were forced back up my throat. The feeling of everything. I start to scream in sheer agony.
"Jesus christ, Mariah! What are you trying to do? Make the neighbors call the cops? That's it. I was trying to be nice, but you leave me no choice."
Oh god. Please. Not the tape. Please. He grabs the tape and rips off a giant piece, and places it over my mouth. Satisfied, he says, "That's more like it. Maybe now I can hear the fucking movie."
Oh god it hurts so bad. Please, god. I'm begging you make it stop! Please! I'm so sorry, god! Please!
The pain ripples throughout my body, making me shake. I try so hard to scream, but nothing comes out. It feels like my body was set on fire, then run over by a semi truck.
Finally, the movie ends. But my pain is still raging, my head still pulsing, my whole body screaming in agony, begging for release.
"Umm, you're welcome, bitch. Where are your manners?" he asks. But then he smiles. "Haha. I forgot I had to tape your mouth shut. If you want to say thank you, nod."
"Well if you put it that way, you're welcome. Damn. I'm quite the joker, aren't I? Haha."
He gets up, leaving me on the couch, and takes the popcorn bowl to the kitchen. Then he looks out the back door window. Slowly he turns to face me, an evil smile on his face.
"Oh, Mariah. Outside, there's another surprise for you. I made is especially for you! You'll love you. You need to love it. I spent hours on it."
He moves over to me, picks me up, and takes me out back. He laughs a little bit. Then I see it. Oh god. Please no. A hole. Not again. He's going to bury me alive again. Please oh god no. I'm begging you. I start to cry.
He notices. "Oh, you baby. You wanted to die anyways, right? I mean, this is your own personal grave! And it was free, too. It only cost you your life. Like I said, it was free. I even made you your own tombstone. It says 'Here Lies Fat Bitch'. I think it suits you very nicely. Oh, and under remembrance or quote, I put ' Never said anything worth remembering'. Don't you absolutely love it?"
He drops me on the grass, and storms into the house. I try so hard to break free, but he tied the ropes so tight. I can't move, and I can barely breathe. Please. I'm begging you, god. Please. Don't let him kill me. Please. This is what I was trying to get away from. Him. Please god. Hear my cry. Please.
He comes back out, carrying a gun.
"This, dear Mariah, is what I shall use to kill you. I even made my own silencer! Isn't it beautiful? But I want you to feel it when I kill you, so I'll wait a few days. I want you to recover a little bit before I ruin you once and for all," he says, smiling.
Scared that he'll shoot me if I don't answer him, I reply, "Yes, sir. It is very beautiful. Truly a work of art."
He smiles, and takes it back inside, leaving me in the grass for the time being. I scream as loud as I can, but he had put the tape back over my mouth, knowing I would try. I never underestimated him. I just never thought he would think all of this out. I'm going to die, exactly the way I was trying to avoid.
Coming back out to get me, he says, "Oh, Mariah. You idiot. You mother fucking idiot. You thought I would let you do my job. You're killing my mother, so I'm going to kill you. It makes perfect sense. Look, I know you're worried about your baby, but don't worry. She's next."
He's going to kill me, then my baby girl. I have a few days left until I die.
"Don't worry, I'm inviting her over to watch me kill you. That way she'll want to die, too. It's a win win, really."
And he leaves it at that.