MAN (In BRITISH accent): 'Ello. I'm Arthu' Montgomery. And this is the pilot for my eighth show: Jerk With Bri'ish accent. Now, time for our first contestant:

MAN (In obviously FORAN/EVIL accent and sweater/tuque): Hello.

ARTHUR : Whats your name, and what're you gunna do?

MAN (EVIL): Plotz Ar Evile, and I'm-

ARTHUR : Cooking? Singing? Dancing? Offending everyone with your horrible stereotype?

PLOTZ : As, I was saying, I`m being evil. Oh, and that fourth one.

ARTHUR : Huh. People are going to complain about this so much in the Youtub when someone uploads this illegaly. Anyway, show me what you do.

PLOTZ (SITTING AT COMPUTER): Oh, what? Sorry, I was busy uploading the stuff on your cellphone to teh internets.

ARTHUR: Oh no! Now you know-

PLOTZ: And knowing is half the battle?

ARTHUR: Okay, first of all, the other half of the battle is lasers, and B, I'm sick of these mother censoring pop culture references on my mother censoring show! I'm... Know what? Give me your apron and get the censor out!

PLOTZ: Wait. Wait. Wait. I don't have an apron, I haven't even auditioned, and you're making the majority of the references! I haven't got a chance to show my full potential! I have a lot of passion!

ARTHUR: Whatever. Commercial break!

(Picture of poorly drawn pack of gum comes on screen)

VOICEOVER: Fruit-E Juice! The taste is going to kick you repeatedly, and kick you in the baaaaaalls! This is a thinly veiled metaphor for what we're going to do to your wallet! Seriously! It costs like, five whole dollars per pack, and, even then, they only have flavour for like, half a second, but that small window of time is so delicious you want it again, so you buy s'more packets!... FRUIT-E JUICE!

(Picture of poorly drawn pack of gum dissapears)

VOICEOVER: (On top of previous scenes): Last time, since twelves seconds ago, Arthur is being a huge censor when he votes Plotz off the island.

PLOTZ: Censor you.


PLOTZ: Anywhoo?

VOICEOVER: Yes. AnyWAY, lets get back to the show.

ARTHUR: That was THE most dissapointing dinner service in the history of Hell's Fifth Door from the Kitchen! Here's our second contestant.

MAN (In SOUTHERN accent and cowboy hat): Hey partner!


ARTHUR: Get off my show. Your sixty seconds of televised sucking are over! Anyway Cow man, whats your name and what`re you gunna do?

MAN (SOUTHERN): Ma name is Julis Rednick! And i'm here ta make ya some dinna!

ARTHUR: Okay. I hope you make better food than on my second show! Now on Swiper Network!

VOICEOVER: In show ads! YEAH!

JULIUS: Whats goin' on?

PLOTZ: Only select people can hear it at select times.

JULIUS: That makes no darn senses!

ARTHUR: You're taking up my screen time.

PLOTZ: Censor you.

JULIUS (Holding up can of whatever. Literally. It says whatever): I made ya a dinner!

ARTHUR: Is this canned?


ARTHUR: You should NEVER eat "canned" food!

JULIUS (Flatly): You are a major influence. If you say not to eat somethin' millions will not eat it.

PLOTZ:... What?

VOICEOVER: Next time on Jerk With Br'ish Accent:

VOICEOVER: Realizations:

PLOTZ: Wait. We only auditioned two people.



VOICEOVER: And questions:

PLOTZ: Got milk?

VOICEOVER: All next time on: Jerk With Bri'ish Accent!