Crown

The crowns in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to an actual crown whether on someone's head or lost in a coffee can in New Jersey, is purely coincidental.

At the kingdom of King Whatsit…

The court jester walks in.

"Your majesty," says the court jester. "Sir Humpty of the Dumpties has fallen off a wall. We need all of your horses and men to try and put him together again."

"OK."

The men and the horses set off. Unfortunately, they all get hit by a bus and don't get out of the hospital for 11 months. When they do get out, they get hit by another bus and stay in the hospital for another 11 months before setting out again only to learn that they can't put Humpty together again.

Back at the kingdom…

The royal fool walks in.

"Your majesty," says the fool. "I come to you with a special poem. Do I have permission to read it to you?"

"Yes." says the king.

"OK. Here it goes. 'Your majesty, you love your crown, for without it you would be down, and if you're down I'll be kicked out and then I'll wander about."

"I love it. It's so true. I love my crown and I'd be terrified to find out something happened to it.

4 days later…

The king screams.

"What's the matter, your majesty?" asks the court jester.

"My crown is missing! Summon the guards! Without that crown, I feel so unhappy."

"Oh no," the royal fool says to the court jester. "If the king is unhappy, I'll be fired."

"Well, why don't you go look for it?"

"It could be anywhere."

"Well luckily I installed a tracker device on the king's crown. I'll try to find where it is and you can go and recover it. Wait here a minute."

The jester leaves and returns a minute later with a sheet of paper.

"These are the three places it identified. It surely has to be in one of these places. The places are Karagon Elementary, the Arthur Family Restaurant, and the Royal Ferris Wheel."

"OK. I'll start at the school."

At Karagon Elementary…

The royal fool walks in.

"Hello, and you may be?" asks a teacher.

"I'm the royal fool and I must search this place."

"Well, I'm Mrs. Harley, and before you can search this place, you must answer a series of tests. This is the first test. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10 that ends with even. What number am I thinking of?"

"3."

"No. This is the second test. What do people put on a plain cheese sandwich?"

"Simple. You start with bread, then pickle juice, ketchup, dirt, and another slice of bread."

"No one puts dirt on any type of food. This is the final test. What shape is the Earth?

"Square."

"You're harmless. What exactly are you looking for?"

"The king's crown. He lost it this morning."

"Well," says Mrs. Harley. "About an hour ago, we had the whole building redecorated and we didn't see any crowns. Therefore, it's not here."

"Alright. I'll just go to the Arthur Family Restaurant."

At the Arthur Family Restaurant…

The royal fool walks in.

"Welcome to our restaurant," says Mrs. Arthur. "What can we do for you today?"

"I'd like to apply for a job." says the royal fool.

"Great," says Mr. Arthur. "Our son just left the business to go to college and we can use a chef. You start right now."

The royal fool walks into the kitchen.

"I must find that crown."

After searching the oven and the cupboards, the royal fool starts putting his hands into a pot of soup.

"Hey!" yells the Arthurs' daughter, Anna. "Don't put your hands in there!"

"OK."

The royal fool instead puts his feet in the pot. Just then, Mr. Arthur and a restaurant critic walk in.

"So that's your secret recipe?" asks the restaurant critic. "That's disgusting! I'm giving this restaurant 0 out of 5 stars!"

The restaurant critic leaves.

"You're fired!" yells Mr. Arthur.

The Arthurs chase the royal fool out of their restaurant with an angry mob.

At the Ferris Wheel…

The royal fool walks up to the Ferris wheel operator.

"Excuse me, but would it be okay if I ride on this wheel?" asks the royal fool.

"Sure."

The royal fool gets on the Ferris wheel. Unfortunately, while going up, he throws up.

"Ugh. I'm not coming here again."

Back at the kingdom…

The royal fool walks up to the court jester.

"I couldn't find the crown." says the royal fool.

"That's too bad. I wonder what was wrong with the tracking device."

The king walks in with the crown on his head.

"I found my crown!" exclaims a happy king. "It was in the washing machine the whole time!"

"Oh," says the court jester. "The tracking device must have malfunctioned while in the washing machine."

The royal fool faints.

"Maybe I should get a new royal fool," says the king. "This one's too lazy."

The End