Generic Building Block Guys

Episode 1

*BOB the NON-THEMED CIVILLIAN walks up to JIM THE ASTRONAUT FOR SOME REASON*

BOB: Hey, Astronaut!

JIM: …

BOB: Do… Do you talk?

*LICENSED MOVIE VILLAIN walks up to JIM and kills him with a GENERIC RAY GUN*

BOB: Oh no. Not another "Ultimate Showdown" thing.

*BOB suddenly gets COMPLETELY OUT OF PLACE SWORD*

BOB: How did that happen?

VILLAIN: Haha! Ray guns always beat out of date, hilariously out of place swords!

BOB: Bad news, Villain…

*BOB gets SUN GLASSES*

BOB: … Your Ray gun has no real ammunition.

VILLAIN: That's not a threatening one liner. It's not even a pun.

BOB: Biatch.

VILLAIN: GASP! I WAS TOTALLY OWNED!

*BOB awkwardly slashes VILLAIN. VILLAIN lays down, and that means DEATH. Or he fainted. Depends on the CHILD. This NARRATION isn't FUNNY*

VIEWER: I agree!

BOB: We have a plot.

AUTHOR: No. We really don't.

BOB: I shall kill you... Sorry, I don't know your name.

VILLAIN: My name is *CENSORED FOR COPYRIGHT THINGIES*

BOB: Ah. I shall kill you, *THIS IS STILL CENSORED*!

VILLAIN: You can't kill me!

BOB: Why? Do you think I'm not STRONG enough?

VILLAIN: No! I am easy to rebuild! And next time, I won't have such a comically sucky weapon!

BOB: No.

*BOB tries to pop VILLAIN'S head off*

VILLAIN: What are you doing?

BOB: Read the narration!

VILLAIN: Ah. Why is it taking you so long?

BOB: Your heads stuck! It's been on you for too long!

VILLAIN: Oh. Cool. I, I mean, that's my plan! Mwahahahaha!

BOB: Damn! Ah, screw it. I'm takin' your pants and leaving.

*BOB steals VILLAIN'S PANTS which are his LEGS too for some reason*

VILLAIN: Noooooooooo! Help me!

*THE GODDAMNED SANTA comes and KICKS SOME JOLLY ASS on BOB*

SANTA: Take that, you…

*SANTA puts on some WICKED COOL SHADES*

SANTA: Ho, ho, hoe.

VILLAIN: Awesome five!

*SANTA and VILLAIN high five. And it's so awesome that I can't write it. Not just because I'm lazy*

VIEWER: Yeah right.

AUTHOR: Why do I keep writing you bein' such a meanie…

VIEWER: Meanie?

AUTHOR: SHUT UP STUPID HEAD! *Cries in Ironic Smiley Face Corner*

SANTA: You shut up. Biatch.

AUTHOR: Yes, master…

SANTA: Anyway, *CENSORED FOR… YOU KNOW WHAT* here's your balls back. They're attached to your pants.

VILLAIN: Thanks, mister!

SANTA: Ha. Cute. Little boy, you may call me "Master".

VILLAIN: What an honour!

LADY WHO SINGS THOSE JINGLES IN COMMERCIALS: Santa! He's better than you!

SANTA: Thank you, out of work lady. I'll see you in my bedroom.

VIEWER: This isn't funny.

*SANTA'S eyes get all whirly. It's heavily implied he's mind controlling the VIEWER. This would be much better if YOU weren't reading this*

VIEWER: All praise to the goddamned Santa!

SANTA: Hell's right! I have successfully sucked all the humour from this episode! Mwahaha!

*Suddenly A NINJA beheads SANTA. He manages to do this, due to the fact that SANTA isn't a NINJA*

SANTA'S HEAD: How did you beat ME? I'm the un-developed bad ass character!

NINJA: Little did you know that Ninja's win every battle.

SANTA'S HEAD: But-

NINJA: Every. Battle. EVER. I learned this from Master Midget with Laser-sword!

VILLAIN: Does he happen to be green? Talks weird does he?

NINJA: Yes.

VILLAIN: I think I know him.

SANTA'S HEAD: Enough witty back and forth! Put my head back on *This joke is getting old*!

BOB: Aren't I in this story?

*NINJA beheads BOB*

NINJA: Now you're not.

*NINJA throws SANTA'S HEAD behind DRESSER*

VIEWER: That ending was shi-

AUTHOR: Yes, that's the best ending I can think of!

VIEWER: That's sad. Noob.

AUTHOR: Hey, at least I'm not constantly critiquing some random author.

VIEWER: Don't pin my attitude on me. You're the one writing me.

AUTHOR: I just got Shamalan'd!