Title: Mother Dearest
Authoress: ANT-chan and NoChristmasJokesPlz
Rating/Genre: Gen/Humor/PG
Summary: Sammy couldn't keep it to himself any longer. He had to call his mother. One Moment drabble following chapter 43. Gen, with established M/M.

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Mother Dearest

A One Moment deleted scene.

"Sammyyyyyyy, baby, come to bed..." Kendall muttered into the pillow. And he did look so very delectable - the very picture of a high priest of Rozaen with his pink hair flaring out like a messy halo on the pillow. His tanlines over his shoulders made it an even more adorable picture.

But Sam couldn't rest. He was still abuzz with excitement. How could he rest when all he could think of was Aya? His lovely baby sister. He'd foundher! When he'd all but given up hope!

Only to find that she was dating, and had been dating Aaron Patroclos for nearly three years. But... he could live with that. Maybe. Possibly. It wasn't enough to dampen his spirits.

"I've... I've got to go call my mother."

A greenish-grey eye peeked out from the pillow, wide and slightly... Fearful?

As quickly as possible, Kenny tumbled out of the bed, blanket and all, and skittered out the door. "Tell me when you're done!" he called, his voice and octave higher than normal.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Oh, you big baby. It's just a phone call!" He called the last statement after his fiance.

"Fuck that! She's insane!"

"Coward!" the blond snorted. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table, and sat on the now blanket-less bed as he flipped it open. "She's not that insane. Especially given your mother, Kendall!"

His mother wasn't much worse than Mona.


He found her number in his contacts and only hoped she hadn't changed it without telling him again. He dialed and flopped back on the bed, waiting as it rang.


"Heeeello? Issa speaking." A long, sultry, husky drawl that had every last instinct he possessed squealing "Mommy!" filtered through the connection. He'd always know her voice.

"Mom?" he asked, trying very hard not to sound too eager.

The husky edged dropped, but even then, the woman on the other end had a voice that could bring any straight man to his knees. "Mmmm? Who's this? Which one are you?"

Sam laughed brightly. How he loved his flighty mother. "Sam. The blond med student with the pink-haired boyfriend and the short horns." It was a rehearsed description, and, even then, it took a moment for it to click in Issa's mind.

When she did get it, Issa's tone brightened. "Oh yes! Sammy, sweetie, how's my favorite little darling? Keeping up with your studies? You haven't finished with that lanky morsel yet?"

Sam chuckled. "No, Mom," he said. "I love Kenny and he's the only one for me. Monogamous, remember?"

Issa gasped like it was a dirty word. "Out of all my babies, the cutest one had to be one of those." He could tell she was pouting, and he could picture her lovely face fondly as she did so.

"It's not so bad," Sam said patiently. "You should try it sometime."

"Why, I have never been soinsulted!" his mother huffed moodily. "How could my favorite child wish to change me like this?"

"I wouldn't change you for the world, Mom." And it was true. His mother was perfection, even in her imperfection. And nothing anyone told him could change his mind on that.

"I know you wouldn't, baby doll," she cooed. "So! Where are you? When can I come see you?"

Sam smiled. "I'm in the Valley, as always," he said teasingly. "And you can visit whenever you remember you have a baby in Podunk, Nowhere too."

"You know I try, dearest. It's so hardto keep back of all twelve of you, though. But you're my favorite and you know it."

"Only because I'm the baby." But he was grinning warmly anyway, a pleasant, fuzzy feeling working its way down to his toes.

"Yes, and therefore my favorite. Now. How have you been? You sounded excited when I answered. Did that... oh, what's his name... Kenneth? Randall?"

"Kendall, Mom."

"Oh yes. Yes, yes. Did you and he finally pick a date? Dare I ask. I keep telling you to add a little excitement into your life."

"Not yet," he sighed. "We're waiting until we're both making decent money. I at least want a residency at a hospital before we get into that. I don't want financial or job stress to turn me into a bridezilla."

Issa giggled. "Baby boy, it's in your nature to turn into a monster when a man is involved. My little maneater."

Sam giggled as well. "Mom, you know Kenny was my first. To be a maneater, I'd have to have a track record like... Well, like yours!"

She laughed brightly, "Oh, don't remind me that my baby was a virgin until he was almost twenty. What scandal! You should have heard what Elsa said about you!"


"Ah, your sister in... Grimoire, I think? That little witchcraft hub a bit further inland? I'm sure I've mentioned her before... She's on her... sixth mate since she came of age," she added boastfully. "I'm so proud!"

Sam chuckled. "We'll talk about that later, okay, Mom? It's actually funny you mentioned sisters." He was practically vibrating with excitement now, sitting bolt upright and grinning into the phone. "I've finally found Aya!" he all but squealed.

There was silence for a while, then a perplexed, "Who?"

"Ugh, Mooommmm!" Sam groaned, but only half-heartedly.

"Saaaaammmm!" Issa echoed. "You can't expect me to remember every little thing!"

"My half-sister? Dad's daughter that I got to meet when I was in the orphanage?"

The line went silent for so long, San feared a connection problem. At last, Issa's voice came through, silky smooth and dangerously even. "And... You spoke with her?"

"Of course I did," Sam said gently, carefully. "She's my baby sister."


The blond flinched away from the receiver as Issa's shriek rang out, laced with rage and pain and betrayal.

"Yes, she is," he said calmly, once she had calmed enough. "I know you want me to be more like you and hate them, but she is and will always be my sister. I can't change what I am, Mom, and you shouldn't ask me to. I would never do that to you."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Sam could practically see his mother chewing on her lip with her sharp teeth - carefully, of course, because a split lip would mar her carefully maintained seductive appearance. "No matter what I say, sweet baby, I wouldn't change you. I just can't... can't stand the thought of that man mating with some other little-"

Sam pulled away from the phone, and sighed as quietly as he could, patiently waiting for his mother to take a breath. That was the possessive madali coming out, and he knew she couldn't help it.

"I know, Mom," he broke in gently. "I'm not asking you to do anything like that. But she's important to me. She means a lot to me."

Issa gave a pitiful little whimper, and Sam smiled. If she was past anger and into childish whining and pouting, she'd be much easier to deal with. "You know I just want my baby happy," she said reluctantly. "But... can't you spend time with your real sisters? Like Priscilla?"


"Damn!" Issa cursed softly. "I was sure I introduced you to her... Hmmm..."

Sammy giggled happily. "I'm sure you'll remember to introduce us soon, Mom," he said soothingly. He knew she wouldn't. She'd find a new plaything and forget about all of them for a few months, and then get bored and seek one of them out again. Sam hoped it would be his turn. He did miss his mother, and he hadn't been able to talk with her face-to-face for over a year. Perhaps he was a bit more human than his siblings for craving more time with her, but he couldn't help who he was just as Issa couldn't help who she was.

It seemed that, as an apology for their brief almost-argument, his mother applied herself to the subject of his sister. Sammy would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate it. "So how did you find this... Aya?"

He smiled. "Yeah, Aya. And I didn't. She kind of found me? We went to his party being held by her... boyfriend's family."

"Ooooh, is that possessiveness I hear there? Perhaps you aren't so human after all, sweetie."

Sam resisted the urge to stick out his tongue. "It's protectiveness!"

"Uh-huh. Sure it is. So who's this boyfriend?"

The blond flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. "His name is Aaron Patroclos. He's... he's nice. I go to uni with him and his brother. I just... I don't- Mom?"

Issa was growling, but it was not a growl he knew quite how to identify. It seemed both... vengeful and seductive at the same time. "Did you say... Patroclos?"

Uh-oh. That low, husky purr was her dangerous voice, if he knew his mother. What he described as her "I will fuck your brains out, then horribly maim you" voice. It was a madali thing, he supposed. When two of them came together, there was almost always some crazy combination of violent hatred and just as violent, if not more so, lust. They were weird like that.

"Yes, Mom," he said cautiously, "Patroclos. Do you... Know them?"

"Them?" Issa rumbled in his ear, her voice still holding that guttural edge. "No, just one. And I would bet he was there. Not many Patroclos' in the Isles. Tell, me how is dear Elias faring? Old and gray and senile, I'll bet."

Sam laughed before he could stop himself. "He is, but he's so crazy! It's hilarious. Even Kenny likes him, and he's sworn a personal vendetta against the whole Patroclos family!" Suddenly, it hit him, the true meaning of his mother's words. "Mom... How do you know Elias Patroclos?"

"That would be a long, long story. And it would send me into a homicidal rage."

Which likely meant one thing. One thing that made Sam's head spin to think about. "Was he uh... a mate of yours?" And the question that rose immediately following that made scared him even more. "Are any of his kids my half-siblings too?"

"NO!" came the petulant shriek. "Not that I didn't try. That smug, infuriating bastard."

Sam was reeling, and he quickly decided that was too much mindfuckery for one day. He'd officially reached his quota. "I... I gotta go, Mom. Was... It was nice talking to you."

Luckily, his mother was too worked up from their conversation to notice his hasty tone. "It's always nice talking to me, darling," she said. "Goodbye, Sammy. ...I love you."

"I... I love you too, Mom."

The line went dead, and Sam flopped back on the blankets, staring wide-eyed, but unseeing, at the ceiling. As an afterthought, he woodenly called out, "Baby, it's safe to come back!" and Kenny slunk in, wrapped in the blanket and chewing absently on a cookie. He slid into bed beside his fiancé and tucked the blanket around them both, still munching away.

He knew something was wrong when Sammy didn't bitch about crumbs in the bed. "You okay, baby?" he asked gently. He knew that sometimes conversations with Issa could be unpredictable.

Sam swallowed. "Uh... Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." His brow puckered as he gazed blankly upwards.. "I think my mom fucked Aiden and Aaron's grandpa."

Kenny went silent for a moment, his expression blanked.

And then he began to cackle wildly.

PANDA HERE! Giving you a treat a day early, since ANT-chan's laptop is still being THE LARGEST BAG OF DICKS.

8D SO! In this we get our first glimpse at Sam's mom. XD Not exactly the most maternal lady out there, but, hey, what're ya gonna do?