When I thought
you had died,
I stayed up the whole night
and I cried.

I blamed myself
for your death.
I screamed at God until
I couldn't catch my breath.

I was so scared
that you were dead.
I kept thinking about

what you had said.

My words led you
to attempt suicide.
But death is something
you were denied.

Maybe it's because
I pleaded with God,
not ready for Death
and his angels to applaud.

But now I understand.
To you, I mean nothing.
When you said you cared,
you were only bluffing.

I could let everyone
know your name,
let everyone make fun of your failure
while you hide in your shame.

But I'm better than that,
I wouldn't let you cry.
But maybe I should have
let you die.

Because to you, I mean nothing,
hell I "shouldn't even care".
But letting you just... die...
wouldn't have been fair.

When you came back
you said you can't trust me anymore.
To our friendship,
you're just... shutting the door.

I have so many problems,
and I thought you were my friend.
But apparently you're not someone
on which I can depend.

You "still like me",
but that's not enough.
You and I both know
that that was a bluff.

I know I'm not anyone to talk,
talk about this thing called shame.
Because, to be honest,
I'm exactly the same.

I've failed four times now,
and I know there are more to come.
I'd say about five or six...
give or take some.

I really can't be friends with you
with your venom dripping off of every word.
Everything you're telling me
I've already heard.

I refuse to stand here
and take the blame.
But you, you can go
hide in your shame.

Here's the truth,
my friend.
You're a failure, just like me.
You can't get your life to come to an end.

But it's okay!
I don't care.
Letting you live
really isn't fair.

Go ahead, go and die.
I couldn't give a shit.
This time,
I won't throw a fit.

I'll let you die,
I won't tell you you're someone I love.
I won't tell you suicide is something
to rise above.

Go ahead.
Try just once more.
Pretty soon,
you'll be entering Hell's door.

Just to make it clear,
I'm done.
I'm not letting you have
any more fun.

You can't mess with me.
I refuse.
I'm not someone
you can use.

Don't come crying to me
when you're almost dead.
I won't let you
fuck with my head.

It isn't my fault,
I'm not to blame.
Now just go
and hide in your shame.