Don't know where this is going, honestly, but...I think I like it. Enjoy!
It had been a month since the hospital, but Karli and Jed still watched me like hawks, breathing down my neck and analyzing my every move. It was a little annoying. I mean, yeah, I know they care and all, but I have my mom to worry about me, and she was always more than enough.
Anyway, lunchtime at school was a quiet time, much to my displeasure. Just because I turned kind of emo and was sometimes borderline suicidal didn't mean things had to be so silent and awkward. "Hey, guys, um...we should maybe have another sleepover...at Karli's?" I played with my bottle cap and fidgeted, afraid they would say no.
"I think that's a great idea," Jed said eventually. My eyes flew to his face, looking for a sign of sympathy. I found it. "What do you think, Kar?"
"I think..." she looked at me for a moment before smiling, her blue eyes twinkling "...it's a great idea, Frankie! I'll ask my mom tonight and let you guys know. Do you want on Friday or Saturday? Or I'm sure you can stay both days, if you want."
I looked down at my plate. "That's okay," I mumbled. "Friday's fine."
"Are you sure?" My eyes found Jed's green ones. "Because you know we're always here."
I let out a laugh of disbelief. "I know, Jed. I fucking know, okay? Jesus Christ, just because I tried to kill myself last month doesn't mean I'm going to drop dead any minute!" The looks on their faces would have been comical if I weren't so angry. "I'm not a fucking time bomb about to go off, alright? I'm a fucking normal human being, and I would appreciate you treating me like it!" I slung my bag over my shoulder and picked up my tray.
"Wait, where are you going?" Jed asked me.
"Home." I dumped my trash out and ran into the bathroom, pulling out my phone and calling my mom.
She picked up almost immediately. "Frankie, honey, are you okay?"
"Mom, can you pick me up early please?" I sobbed. I wiped away the tears surprised. I hadn't even noticed I was crying.
"Well, Frankie, you know I'm at work."
"Mom, please? I can't take it."
"Frankie, it wouldn't be a problem if I weren't directly in the middle of something. The only thing I can really do is see if your father can. Do you mind that?"
I debated for a minute. To see Dad meant a beating for sure. But then, it wasn't like I didn't deserve it...besides, I couldn't stand another minute with Jed and Karli. "No, I don't mind."
"Alright, but don't let him in the house, and if he puts his hands on you, you'll tell me, right?"
As if. "Of course, mom."
"Okay, I'll call him, and text you to let you know."
"I love you."
"I love you too." The bell rang and I headed to class. It was too bad I had this class with Jed. I really didn't want to see his pretty face. Like seriously, who was that attractive? Okay, so maybe a lot of people. My point is, it's not fair. I ran into him right outside the door. Perfect. I let my eyes travel over his beautiful face, from his straight jet black hair to his bright green eyes to his cute little nose to his (oh fuck me) full red completely kissable lips, down his chin to his neck, just screaming to be bitten, bruised-
What the actual fuck, Frankie? I shook my head before entering the room and sitting in a different place than my usual, Jed right behind me. "Don't sit near me, please."
He looked hurt. "What do you mean? We always sit together."
"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to sit next to you." I chose a seat near the front of the class. Jed walked away, looking puzzled. Good. I was tired of him. My phone buzzed and I checked it. 1 new message from Mom. I opened it. He agreed to pick you up. He should be there soon. IF HE TOUCHES YOU, TELL ME. I love you. I sighed and sent back a quick okay, love you too before my mind returned to Jed. Ugh, I was so sick of thinking about him.
No I wasn't, of course not, but I was tired of him being so close to me, being right there, but I couldn't have him. First because he was dating Karli, second, because he was straight. But I'm sure I could change that if the first reason didn't exist. Snap out of it, Frankie. I shook my head and tried to genuinely pay attention, but Jed and all his perfectness wouldn't leave my mind. I gave up trying to be rational and let my imagination have its way, fantasizing him agreeing to be my boyfriend, make out sessions on the couch...suddenly, we're older, and I'm walking down the aisle in an all white suit, him in a black tuxedo beaming. I, Jedidiah David Stanley, take you, Franklin Rudolph Donovan, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, til death do us part... Fastforward to the honeymoon at a five-star hotel in Paris, France, with a beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower, but of course, I'm too occupied to pay that very much attention...
"Franklin Donovan to the office please, Franklin Donovan to the main office, thank you." That snapped me out of my wonderful daydream. I packed up quickly. Back to harsh reality, I thought as I entered the office and saw my dad chatting with the woman behind the counter. They looked up as I came in.
"Ready to go, son?" he smirked. My stomach rolled. I knew what was coming, and I wanted to run screaming, but of course I couldn't do that, so I nodded and we left. "You stupid fucking queer!" he spat when we were a distance from the school. "What the hell is wrong with you anyway? You know it's my day off today, and you ruined it on purpose, didn't you?" I said nothing in response, getting into the car when we reached it. "You just wait til I get you home." He said nothing the rest of the ride, which scared me just a little, since I had no idea what he was thinking.
When we got to the house, I already knew he would follow me in. It was a given, even though he wasn't allowed in the house, which is why he was renting an apartment on the other side of the city. He shut and locked the door behind us, drew all the blinds and turned to where I was in the kitchen, drinking a glass of orange juice. "Don't touch me," I growled as I finished the drink. "I'll tell mom and call the cops."
He grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back. "You'll do no such thing, because if you do, I'll kill you, like I just should already." He released me and I stumbled, gasping in pain, into the wall. "Do you want me to do that, Frankie? You want me to kill you?" I shook my head. "Yes you do." He threw me across the room and I landed on my stomach with a grunt, praying I didn't break a rib. "All gays deserve to die." He kicked me in the side. I closed my eyes and suddenly, it wasn't my dad, but Jed there, bruising my abdomen with his boot. "Nobody loves you. You're a disgusting, worthless piece of shit!" Jed stood me up, slapping me hard, and the pain was so beautiful. "You know why you tried to kill yourself?" He slapped me again, on the other cheek. "Because you know you don't deserve to live." He punched my gut. "You're not worth the gum off the bottom of my shoe!" Jed, you're so beautiful, I thought as more pain followed. "Fucking queer!" he shouted from his sexy mouth. "I'm leaving now, go clean yourself up. And remember, not a word." My eyes popped open and I watched my dad leave the house.
"What the hell?" I muttered to myself. What kind of a sick fantasy did I just have? I moved to walk upstairs, and with every step, I could feel every blow that was given to my stomach. I guess half of it wasn't a fantasy after all. I somehow managed to get to the bathroom and tend my bruises the best I could. "Dad's right, I'm pathetic." I grabbed my razor and pulled my pants off. I hadn't cut my wrists since my suicide attempt, but mom checked them every night and morning. If she only knew. But I needed this release. I was addicted.
I sat in the dry tub and positioned the razor over my thigh. Closing my eyes, I pictured Jed pressing the blade into my skin. One for being queer. Slice. One for being worthless. Slice. One for loving me. Slice. A tear slid down my face. One for not being good enough. Slice. One for being ugly. Slice. One for letting everyone down. Slice. One for making everyone hate you. Slice. You want more, you stupid homo? "No," I whimpered. You deserve more. You don't deserve to live. So how about another one for your beating heart? Slice. One for your flowing blood? Slice. And one because you deserve to die. The last cut was deeper than the previous. I gasped, jerking out of my stupor and looked down at the ten open wounds on my legs. "Oh shit!" Blood was already flowing down the drain. "Oh no." I ran the water, turning the crimson fluid pink. "Shit, shit, shit!" I grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and dabbed at the cuts, but there were too many. I had to wait for them to stop bleeding before cleaning and dressing them.
I sighed and went downstairs to grab my phone. Mom would be frantic if I didn't call her soon. I looked down. Three missed calls and five texts from mom, three texts from Jed and one text from Karli. I sighed and called mom.
"Frankie, are you okay? What's happening?"
"Sorry mom, I um...took a shower." Close enough.
"Did he hurt you?"
"No. I told him I would call the cops if he did."
"Oh, thank goodness. Okay, honey. You just relax okay? I'll be home in a few hours and I'll make your favorite dinner, how does that sound?"
"That sounds great mom, thank you. See you later."
"I love you, Frankie, and I mean that."
"I love you too, mom."
"Bye." I hung up and went to read the texts. Karli's just said, Jed told me your dad picked you up. Are you okay? If you need anything, let me know! Love you xx
I sighed and turned to Jed's. I saw you leave with your dad. Are you ok? Don't let him touch you. Second message: Please answer me. I know you're mad at me, but plz answer. Third: Look, I know you're mad. I don't know why you are, but, I'm going to drop by your house after school to check on you. Love you.
Drop by my house? No he wasn't either. I texted him back quickly. I don't want you to stop by. I'm fine, really. See you tomorrow. I headed up to my room. Maybe I could get a nap in before mom got home. My phone vibrated as soon as I lay down. It was Jed again. Okay. But are you going to tell me why you're mad?
I huffed impatiently. I didn't want to talk to him. Pay attention to the class, Jeddy. Wouldn't want you flunking out. I closed my eyes and began to drift off when it vibrated again. "What the actual fuck," I muttered. One new message from Jed.
I'm stopping by your house whether you like it or not. I'm only trying to care and you're not pushing me away anymore. I'll see you later. Love you x
I stared at the message, not bothering to respond. He'd sent me a kiss. Why? He wasn't gay, and he never kissed me anywhere before. Okay, that's a lie. He has, but only on my forehead. I could think of other places he could kiss me...
And with those thoughts, I let unconsciousness overtake me.
Love it? Hate it? Wanna strangle me? Review please!