July 5th 2012

Maybe it's not that I don't know but more of I don't want to know.

It was a celebration for those in the class that were born in June or July. We were singing the birthday song; one verse for each person. I was the last person to be sung to. It was fun. The cake was chocolate.

But I felt disappointed. Yes, disappointed. I was the last to be sung for. Which was weird, because us birthday kids were all bunched together. They were going to continue to blow off the candles, but someone remembered and pointed it out. They forgot. All but one forgot. Perhaps disappointed might not describe exactly how I felt, but that feeling, it was something along those lines.

Maybe it's because we're not friends. We're friendly, but we're not friends. It reminds me of of a concept I used to think when I was a kid; true friends and temporary friends. We're just friends for the moment, and the moment we're not in contact, we forget about each other. It's the truth I averted my eyes to; an inconvenient truth. I have no true friends. We're all friendly with each other, but when it comes down to forming groups and the like, I would be left out; forgotten. In other words, temporary friends that come into contact very often.

Maybe things will change next year, when we change classes. That's what I tell myself all the time. I would say that it's just wishful thinking, but I can't deny that it has slowly gotten better. But in the end, the progress is still painfully slow.

I can't seem to think of a conclusion to this. So I'll just leave it like this.

Not like there's an English teacher to make a fuss out of it, anyway.