Chapter 2: Death to the Modern Vampire!
Lets face it. Vampires suck now. No pun intended. Yet, they have none of the weaknesses. You may say that the Author has overpowered them SO MUCH, that they can't be killed, but, if you read the title, you know I've figured out a way!
First, if you're facing the most common Modern Vampire, the Teen Stalker, line the trees with sub-par glue. "What will that do?" You ask. Well, it's glue. The Teen Stalker is so over dramatic, he will be stuck there. FOREVER! Then, take a spray-tan-in-a-can and get rid of his pale skin. This won't kill him, but he won't blind you when he starts sparkling. Then shoot him with a shotgun! This also drives Mary Sue to suicide, so, two birds, one stone!
Next is the scary vampire. This is an extinct species, so don't worry about it!