It was like being drowned in darkness
With only one shining star in the distance.
A blurry, fuzzy star.

First, there was light.
A bright, blinding light.
It faded; black surrounded me.
Nothing but black.
And then a burst of color.
Back to black.

I couldn't see anything.
I couldn't smell anything.
Not the flowers I was lying on.
Not the chocolate that was to the right of me.
Not the aroma of pizza floating up from downstairs.
Not his body spray.
Not the strawberry shampoo that he liked me to use.

I was wet from the shower I had just taken.
Beads of water were rolling off my body and on to his bed.
My damp hair was spread out around me.
The white towel that covered me was slipping off.
I was cold.
His father had the air conditioner on again.
My only warmth was around my waist and above my chest.

I couldn't hear
Anything at all.
Not his father downstairs.
Not the kids laughing outside.
Not the Sull'aria playing on the stereo
Just 10 feet away from me.

There was a slight buzzing in my ears.
The buzz faded out.
In and out.
I heard heavy breathing.
And then the buzz.

I couldn't breathe.
There was no air coming to my lungs.
All there was were two hands pushing down on my throat.
Two pale, beautiful hands.

Hands that loved to hold mine.
To caress me.
To touch me.
To hit me.
To choke me.

I faded.

Only darkness lasted.
Only black.


His lips found mine.
His hand lost me.
And then there was air.
There was life.

I opened my brown eyes to look at his gray ones.

"Get dressed and come down for lunch. Quick."

He left me in his cold room.
In a wet towel and nothing to change in.
Disoriented, confused, and with a head rush.

He takes my life away.

And then he gives it back.