"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound mean. It didn't work.
She got to her feet and took a few steps toward me. "I'm sorry that I'm not being much of a friend to you right now. I'm trying to make things... normal."
"Things can't go back to how they used to be, Zoey. Everything's changed." A part of me was wondering if that 'thing' was our friendship. I didn't say that out loud.
"I-I know that. I want to help, really." She said, her voice quivering. Great, she was going to cry.
"All anyone wants to do is help me yet they don't know how. I'm tired of everyone's pity." I said feeling angry and annoyed. I didn't want to have this conversation with her. Not right now.
"Emily, please, let me help you." She definitely sounded desperate.
"I don't want to talk about this right now." I said, trying to get past her and inside.
"Emily, stop!" She said, grabbing my wrist and yanking me back.
I stumbled but caught myself. When I looked at her, I was crying. "I don't know how to get better. I can't even let anyone help me. I can't do this."
I pulled my arm out of her grasp and went inside, locking the door behind me.
"Emily, please, talk to me. Talk to someone. I'm worried about you, Zoey's worried about you too. Please talk to us." Frankie's voice played from my phone.
I shut my phone off again and laid it on my desk. Being totally isolated from everyone was making me lonely. I was never the type of person to like being lonely. Now, I welcomed it in like a visitor at my door.
Mom tried to talk to me, tried to make me feel better. It wasn't going to work. I was past getting better.
She came to the door a few times a day, asking if I felt sick or needed anything. I either ignored her or said no until she left. That usually got her away quickly.
All I thought about was Andy. All that night then the next morning. I missed him so, so, much. He was my best friend, the one person I could talk to about every problem I had. Now, he was just a person in my past. A person I couldn't see or talk to without a guard standing nearby. It wasn't fair.
I went into my bathroom and dug around through my medicine cabinet. You'd think my mom would have taken my pills and kept them herself. I couldn't believe she'd trust me with them after everything I'd been through. Such a big mistake.
I found a full bottle of something, Tylenol maybe, and poured as much of it as I could into my mouth. I turned on the faucet, cold water pouring out quickly, and gulped down the pills and water.
I slid down to the floor and moved to the fetal position, hugging my knees close. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be freed from this stupid world. From my stupid problems and my horrible life.
After a few minutes, I started feeling tired, like I might puke even. That's when I knew things were finally going my way. I was dying.
Finally, finally, I was free...