I could only provide you with excuses, sorry. But don't hate me, I'm doing this instead of my English assignment, so love me. Hope this isn't too rushed, if it feels that way, let me know and I'll try to reread and redo. Notedited! Sorry x100000 oh and listen to we are broke by paramour while reading this, really sets the mood. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER:

THIS STORY IS MINE. THE CHARACTHERS ARE MINE; I SPENT HOURS AND A SHIT LOAD OF TIME CREATING THEM AND THIS STORY. IT IS AN ORIGNIAL AND I BETTER NOT FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE. THAT'S CONSIDERED PLAGARIZING, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. BUT I DO HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AND LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO.

©whenyoucantholdon

2012

'cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh, the promise we adored

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole

Paramore

CHAPTER ELEVEN – Broken

"Can you believe it Fay? He was just like 'I only told you this because my real girlfriend was busy.' Isn't he such a jerk?"

I was trying to vent my situation to Fay and it felt weird because when it came to us, I was always the listener and she was the talker. Either way, I was glad for the change because I felt like I could be more open with her compared to with Carm.

"Wow, total psycho. Some nerve he has, we should just completely publicly humiliate him. Go to his house and find an old baby picture of him and we'll print it out mean girls' style."

But the thing about Fay was, she tended to overdramatize everything. She used movies as her guide to life and sometimes, actually, most of the time it was just plain ridiculous.

"No Fay, I'm not trying to seek revenge or something. I'm just trying to take the high road and leave him alone. Tell him to fuck off and not on."

Fay pouted, like I knew she would. "Fine, but wouldn't it be more fun my way."

"No Fay, it would not. Anyways, how are you and Eddie?"

I quickly changed the subject knowing exactly how to shut her up before she came up with plans like we were Charlie's Angels or something.

"Ugh, you won't believe what he did this time!"

And of course, it worked.

I let her talk as I drifted into my own evil world of thoughts.

I decided to confront Luke today and deal with all these feelings once and for all, I needed honesty from him and I needed to end this thing before I got hurt even more than I'm getting hurt right now.

I needed a sign and once he texted me to meet in the janitor closet during lunch, I knew it was now or never.

And now would be it.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hey, why are we so unresponsive today?"

I was currently in the school's janitor's closet and Luke was desperately sucking on my neck and I just stood, completely still.

I shrugged away from his hands as he put it on my shoulders.

"Hey…what's wrong?"

YOU.

"Nothing, I'm just not in the mood, I guess."

He stopped rubbing my arms and looked into my eyes. I didn't look away. I wanted him to feel my anger towards him without my need for words. I wanted him to see what I was to pussy to say out loud to him.

But just like I expected, he did not.

Instead he kissed my cheek and said; "Let me know when you are, okay?"

Jerk.

I wouldn't let him get away that easy, I grabbed his arm.

"Wait—"

"What? I don't have time for games, Kassandra."

This guy had some nerve; he didn't have time for games. Him? Are you kidding me right now? Am I in some kind of parallel universe? Am I the one who's crazy here, or am I the last sane one?

"I'm not playing any games. I'm just going to ask you something and I just need an honest answer, that's all I'm asking."

I didn't break the eye contact, I needed the eye contact, I needed to see something, I don't know what, but I needed something.

"So, ask me."

"I just—I need to know. Are you and Jacky, together? I'm not asking if you're hanging out, or if you're seeing each other occasionally, or if your friends. I'm asking you, Luke, to tell me honestly, is Jacky your girlfriend? As in, are you two dating? Just, please tell me the truth."

I was proud of myself for keeping the eye contact. I don't know how I did it, but I did it. And I was glad. Because that's when I saw what I was looking for.

It was only for a brief second but I saw sadness in his deep brown eyes and even though it quickly flipped back to its nonchalant look, the fact that I saw it there means something.

It means he cares, but how much he actually did care?

That would all depend on his words, I was crossing my fingers and toes for him. He needed to say the right words, even though I didn't know what those words were.

"Look, I told you before Kassandra, me and Jacky are complicated. You'll just have to understand that if you want to be with me."

And those words were not it.

But I nodded, because I did understand. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't cry in front of him. I could not.

He scratched the back of his head.

"Lunch is almost done so…uh… I guess I'll…go."

"Luke…Luke. If you walk out of that door right now, or actually, when you walk out just please…please don't contact me anymore. It just, it hurts. You're breaking my heart and it just….it hurts, so please…" My voice broke by the end and my heart shattered when I heard the door close.

I just sat in the floor of the janitor's closet until someone opened the door and when I saw who it was, I cried even more.

END OF PART 1