SYNOPSIS: About a 16 year old boy who is just so shy that he gets paranoid thoughts that he just isn't good enough for anyone to love


Phillip Rhodes rolled over and looked at his alarm clock on his chester drawer which read 5:30 am. He groaned to himself , he had been awake most of the night thinking and crying most of the night. "What a wuss i am," Phillip thought, "here i am 16 years old and can't get out of my mind what happened yesterday and crying like a baby because I'm not good enough or good looking enough or something ."

Flash Back to Yesterday:

The morning was bright and nice outside for an early fall morning in October.

Phillip Rhodes was up early as a rule , he generally had to be if he wanted to get the shower before his sister ,Cherri and brother, Jack did . Cherri , was blond hair ,blue eyes and had a models figure and some what popular

at school . She was a year younger than Phillip, however jack was only 12 years old and had that boyish cute face that it seemed many young girls his age seemed to adore, He had straight dark sandy brown hair , light blue eyes and my parents favorite child it seemed. This was something that annoyed my sister and i , because anything that happened even if it wasn't our fault generally wound up being called on the carpet for. Phillip opened the bathroom door and hung his towel on the towel rack undressed and walked into the walk in shower set the water and began bathing under the steamy hot water. His mind was else were though because he was thinking about what his life had been like since 6th grade. It was about that time that his class mates started banding together into the various clicks . Previous to this many of them had been friends and had accepted each other , but then in 6th grade just before the end of the year much if the present clicks of the school at present started forming . Which for some reason or other left him in a click so to speak by himself.

Phillip was hoping that this might be changing soon . Phillip had always been somewhat of a loner , because he was extremely shy. There were several girls that he had crushes on but he just was so timid and shy he couldn't muster up the courage to ask any of them to be a girlfriend or if they wanted to go out to movie . Because of his over powering shyness all the girls he was crushing on generally found boyfriends . So he wound up just being alone and lonesome , so when his father introduced him to sci-fi books and reading

this became his main stay hobby to occupy his time. Because of this Phillip had very few close friends but his closest friend was actually his sister Cherri

Even though she was popular in school she still treated him as an equal . This was something he really couldn't understand but he didn't argue the point.

Phillip finished up his shower and stated drying off looking into the hanging bathroom mirror on the door scrutinizing himself. His hair was a light sandy brown with blondish hi-lites to it. Blue-green with gold flecks eye coloring

a rather square looking jaw with dimples with a tall lanky body of 6 ft holding all this up. Fortunately he was immune to the bane of all teenagers

skin facial problems , his was free of zits and the like. Phillip got to thinking that there were some guys in his class that had really bad skin problems but yet managed to get some of the best looking girls as girlfriends . Something he couldn't understand which made him think most all his young life that he must be really ugly or something not to have at least one girlfriend this entire time. Which brought him back to the present , for the last several weeks Hannah Meade one of the popular girls in his class had actually started talking to him in 5th period study hall and he had been helping her with her

math problems . In the past week he had started looking forward to his 5th period study hall and helping Hannah with her Math. Several days ago however she said that a lot of the noises during study hall were distracting her and ask me to talk to the study hall monitor if we could use one of the smaller rooms off the main study hall so she could concentrate on what i was trying to show her about math. The study hall monitor was one of my favorite teachers and after i had explained why i needed the room he allowed it.

So we had been meeting in this room now for 2 days and this would be the 3rd day so far this week.

I really couldn't believe that this gorgeous girl was actually speaking to me at all much less treating me like i was someone. I was hoping to ask her what brought on the whole thing and then ask her if she wanted to go to the

little cafe close to the high school for a soda after school. I walked into the smaller room that i had been Helping her in to see Mike Blackburn

kissing her on the neck . I was so quiet on entering that Mike was not even aware that i had come in. However Hannah was facing me when i did and looked straight at me and gave this strange smile while her eyes were all sparkle. I didn't know what to make of the whole thing so i just blushed vivid red and backed out of the room closing the door behind me. I was so

upset , i thought, " yep, somehow i screwed up again with a girl and i just didn't know what it was i had done wrong." It was the smile and the way

that she looked at me that really disturbed me the most. It made me think that it was a sort of a mean kind of smile , but i was girl illiterate, so i wasn't sure.

I had asked the teacher, Mr. Monturo, if i could be transferred to another seat at the other end of the study hall.

Mr. Monturo , "Phillip what about your helping Ms. Meade with her home Math work," i looked down at my feet , " uhmmmm... she found someone that she liked better to help her i think ," i mumbled. Mr. Monturo , looked at me and said, "well there are several up front help yourself to one of them ."

So for the rest of the day i avoid Hannah like the Black Plague.

End flashback

I guess during the several weeks that i had been helping Hannah i had developed a big crush on Hannah and was thinking that maybe she had started thinking of me as a friend or at least as a person. So i was crushed by the events of the other day during study hall. It had surprised me when i had walked in on Hannah and Mike kissing and necking i was sort of hoping that i might have a chance with her to be more than just a friend. I had no idea that Mike even liked her , or her , him. I thought at the time that maybe it was something that had been planned to make me feel dumb or bad. Lets put it this way, if it was, it had worked well.

Well 7:15 am was there and time for my sister and i to start walking to school

classes for us took up at 8 am . This gave us 15 minutes to walk to the high school and approximately 30 minutes to do what ever before classes took up at 8. Cherri as said was the popular one so she mingled with her click while i just went to the schools gaming room. The game room had 2 full fledged pool tables , 2 professional ping pong tables 4 foosball games which were always busy at lunch hour . However at this early time of the morning it was always next to empty. I grabbed two cue balls and and a cue stick placed them on the 1st pool table and just made practice shots. My only claim to fame was here in the schools game room i was generally the one that everyone had to beat or try to beat. I was extremely good at all 3 of the game tables its not that i couldn't be

beat but was very hard to do. The only problem was playing these games didn't make you a jock or a sports hero which it seemed all the girls were after. Not that during lunch that the games didn't receive a lot of attention .

Generally if certain players were on the tables a crowd would almost always

gather around to watch the proceedings . Especially If Mark Redwine was around.

Mark Redwine , unfortunately was my 1st cousin , who thought he was a gift to all girl kind. He was 5'11" , deep strawberry redhead , muscular , a jock

(he was a full back on the football team not varsity for he was only a freshman) . If i was on one of the game tables for some reason or other he would always chose the one i was at to challenge for the next player position. It was generally these games that drew the crowds. Because many of them were generally hot and heavy. Especially the table tennis , Mark wasn't a slouch at these games either but he still had to work hard at beating me and occasionally he would but not very often. Its not that i disliked my cousin

we actually got along great and he was about the only one that could give me a run for the money on the gaming tables. But at the same time he was a man whore and treated girls badly in my opinion but no one ever ask me for it however.

Anyways back to reality and the present , i was taking practice shots and for some reason the scene of Mike and Hannah kissing and the smile and look she gave me kept repeating over and over again in my mind. The more it kept repeating in my head the more depressed i got and got to the point i started messing up on my practice shots. "Come on Phillip you got to snap out of this , don't let this situation tear you down . You had no idea that she had a boyfriend who possible was Mike Blackburn , and that you had no chance in hell of being of any interest to her other than someone to help her with her Math.

Suddenly the first bell for home room rang and i jumped not realizing how fast the time had past since arriving at school. I picked up my stuff and quickly went to my home room. Major problem about home room Hannah and Mike were in it also. Mike sat directly in back of me and Hannah was to my e mediate right Just before the last tardy bell rang, Hannah started to say something to me but i just held up my hand to silence her a "don't worry about it , i totally understand , i won't be bothering you again". I said in an almost whisper. I didn't bother looking at her as i had turned my face to the front as i had said it so i had no idea what expression was on her face at the time. I think she was going to say something but the bell rang and the home room teacher came in and started taking class role. When home room class was over i quickly gathered my stuff and left the room in a hurry. I just felt uncomfortable around Hannah and Mike knowing that the only class i had with them was home room other than 5th period study hall i hoped that i could get through the day without having some kind of embarrassing encounter. Other than the time i spent at lunch time in the game room playing the games , i really didn't like drawing a lot of attention to myself.

5th period study hall came and i wasn't really to enthusiastic about being there. However my luck Hannah walked up to me and said she was sorry about earlier and ask if we could still be friends. "What else is someone like me going to do say no , yeah right", i thought. "er.., emmm.. ya thats fine" i something else i forgot to tell you all about me besides being the par

noid delusional extremely shy guy ,I'm also considered to be the sweet nice guy and all the time wound up in what is called the friend zone of girls. Being the girl illiterate that i was i had no earthly idea what the friend zone was at the time. Other than it was a position that i didn't like being in.

in most cases i wasn't what you would call your best buddy kind of friend , i was the guy that generally got used to help do homework or fix something that others couldn't. And then turned back out to pasture after it was done until needed again. "Y ah your right, i was that nice guy that was a doormat ,

don't laugh i know its true ,it just doesn't make things any better knowing about it." As i had stated earlier my high school from the 6th up till my sophomore year pretty much sucked as far as girls and such. Except for the last several months of my sophomore year again my hopes were up because i had a class with this gorgeous redhead cheerleader some how and still not sure how or why she started liking me in a big way . We worked on the school newspaper team and spent a lot of time after school together picking stories to run ,layouts and even printing them out on the printing machine. And then assembling them all together as a unit. This went on for several months until one day she came in to the printing room almost in tears and looked as if she had been crying a lot already. I took notice of this and immediate ask what was wrong. She held out some papers to me . Her father was a Captain in the Air Force Stationed at a base about 10 miles from the school. She sobbed, "that her father was being transferred to another base in another state and she and her father would be moving soon ." She threw her arms around me and cried like a baby saying how much she was going to miss me. I was sort of shell shocked i guess because all i could think to do was just hold her in my arms and cried with her.

Authors note: Ok guys i'm trying to get things here right but would really love some feedback on this one. This story is very loosley based on some things that happened to me when i was in high school . Names changed to protect idenities of those that may recognize themselves . Names chosen here for my characters are based on my genology studies of my family lines.

Ok i quess you all know the drill, read and review and please do let me know if you think its good or not. And if i should write more about or on this story line.