Dazed , Confused , Clueless , and Petrified Guy
SYNOPSIS : This story is about a young man that is paranoid shy around girls. He lost his Father due to an automobile accident and his mother tries to raise him . However, she has some things that she needed to straighten out in her life , such as getting over the loss of her husband ,which she was finding difficult to do because her son Phillip was the spitting image of her husband. She made arrangements with her brother that had a farm some 1200 miles away. That Phillip would live with them temporarily. Phillip when he left home was 12, to live with his Uncle. Phillip was a 98 lb. Weakling ,no social life and very few friends as such. Phillip is now 16 and his mother just sent a message to her brother that she wants him to come home and go back to his old school . Phillip has a problem though which he doesn't quite know how to handle, girls , lots of them vying for his attention. He's dazed ,confused ,clueless and petrified how does a paranoid shy guy handle that?
Where do I begin? I guess by telling you who I am Phillip Deese. My story begins shortly before my 12 birthday when my dad was killed in an unfortunate automobile accident . Up till that time I lived a very sheltered life and being a only child i had very few friends at school. I was never very strong for my age even though I was almost 5 ft. Tall , I was thin as a rail and barely weighed 98 pounds. At that time in my life my parents weren't very outgoing people which rubbed off onto me as I was shy and quiet. My parents weren't exactly rich but they weren't poor either . The death of my Father affected me some also and up till I moved to my Uncles house in Arizona I became sullen and withdrawn .
My Uncle Pete and Aunt Leann Peterson owned a huge farm in the middle of nowhere ,Arizona . They were unable to have children so me staying with them was a special treat for them to have around. Being that they lived so far away from any major cities and as far as that goes other farms , again I was confined , so to speak , within a limited social structure.
I never considered myself as being good looking, due to the fact that it seemed as though i was usually the butt of jokes of all the jocks and more popular people at school. I had no idea of what having a girlfriend was because... well just because. My self esteem was very low and it seemed at the time that no one wanted to be around me because they thought I was a loser and a weakling.
However as in anything one starts growing up eventually . Some may even say I might have been a late bloomer because after awhile on my Uncle's farm I started filling out and had a major growth spurt ,i went from 5 ft to 6 ft 3 inches in 4 years. Arizona is known for its sunshine and hot weather so I gained a rather dark tan . The farm life was hard and hard work caused my body to fill out . I weighed 230 lbs. Due to eating well on the farm, sun bleached sandy blonde hair, vibrant blue eyes with what looked like gold flecks in them.
My birthday was in the middle of the summer months so it surprised me that my Uncle Pete told me that my mother had called and wanted me to come home so that I could finish and graduate from my old school Fillmore High School. At the age of 16 I'd be entering my sophomore year in high school.
(I might add here that my schooling while at the farm was internet and a lot of reading of books)
I would read anything just to learn how something was done. I was tested and found out much latter that my IQ was near genius level. No I didn't have a photo graphic memory nor did I consider myself special by any means as said I found this out much latter.
To be honest I wasn't looking forward to leaving the farm , because on the farm I was confident with all the things I did and knew about . I basically could handle any situation that came up with ease on the farm without having any help what so ever. However just thinking about going back home and back to that school life that was so demoralizing to me , I was petrified at what might or could happen there.
It was the week before my school at home was to take up and my Uncle Pete got me a bus ticket home that would get me home near 11 pm Friday night the weekend before school started. I left Arizona on a Wednesday morning early , with my aunt and uncle waving good by sorrowfully, because for them and me it had been 4 of the best years of our lives. Friday night 11 pm the bus pulled into my home town. My mother was there waiting to pick me up . For some odd reason or other my mom kept glancing at me approvingly as if noting something about me. The conversation on the way home was minimal and then only revolved around some questions about my stay on the farm and her brother and Aunt Leann.
It was 11:30 by the time we pulled into the driveway of our house. I had been on the bus for the better part of 2 days so I was extremely tired , so I told my mom I was going to take a quick shower and go to bed.
I slept until 10 am Saturday morning, and woke up to the to the noises of a day already going on. Someone near by was evidently mowing their lawn . Which I had assumed it was our neighbor Mr.
Clarkson . Being that it had been 4 years since I had been home I glanced out my 2nd story window of the Clarkson back yard which I had a panoramic view of. Mr. Clarkson the year before I left had a swimming pool put in . To my surprise I saw a gorgeous girl sun bathing on a chaise lounge chair by the pool. This girl however looked familiar but was not definitely anyone related to Mr. Clarkson, because he was a confirmed bachelor . I tried looking more intently at this girl and it dawned on me who this girl was. When I was in the 6th grade just before I left for my Uncles farm, there was a girl by the name of Cindy Hess , that I had a secret crush on since the 4th grade. Unfortunately she was cute
and popular even then , and had just tried out for cheer leading . As you can probably imagine with me being extremely shy and insecure , I wasn't even on her radar (guy) scope so to speak.
However it seemed within the last 4 years she had gotten much better looking. Standing there at my 2nd story window , looking at her laying there by the pool it seemed I was mesmerized and couldn't take my eyes off of her. My heart beat seemed to have doubled if not tripled while looking at her for those brief few minutes. Suddenly my mind went into overload, being flooded with questions. Such as,
" What's happening? Where's Mr Clarkson? Why is Cindy there in Mr. Clarkson's back yard?"
All of a sudden , Cindy got up an ran to dive into the pool and started swimming to the deep end. She reached that side of the pool and climbed out and started walking towards the chaise lounge chair where her towel was . Toweled off some then wrapped it around her waist and walked to the back door of the house and walked into it. My jaws dropped wide open , "What's she doing at Mr. Clarkson's house?" I thought wildly.
About that time I realized that my mom had called my name from downstairs , "Phil do you hear me up there?"
"Uh, Oh! She must have called me more than once then ." I surmised.
"Hey , sleepy head , if you want breakfast you better come get it. I let you sleep long enough young man.
I hollered back down to her, " I'll be down in a couple mom." My mind was still in a whirl as I prepared to go down stairs to get my breakfast. As I was going down the stairs I decided to ask my mom about who I saw next door. May she could put me straight as to what I thought I saw or not.
Upon seeing me my mom said, " Did you get a good nights rest Phil?"
"Yeah mom", I muttered , still trying to figure out how to approach the subject of me seeing Cindy next door. Just as I was about to say something the door bell rang.
"Phil could you get the door for me please ?" my mom asked.
"Okay , mom ." I answered back.
I opened the door still looking at my mom as I said , "May I help you?" I turned my eyes towards the front door to see who was there. Quite quickly I found my heart suddenly in my throat. There stood Cindy , she was in a mid thigh short sun dress. She had a somewhat surprised smile , and her blue-green eyes seemed as though they were burning holes through me. All this was making me extremely nervous and uncomfortable.
"Hi Phil , your mother told me you might be home today , is your mother here?"
I was suddenly flustered and I just knew I was probably beginning to blush some ,i turned to say something to my mom. Fortunately I didn't have to because if I had it would have come out at best unintelligible because my mom by this time was standing behind me.
"Will you let her in , she's ask me to help her with a project she wants to do in school this year." my mom stated. Again I was blushing maybe a little deeper most likely, as I opened the door for her to enter our house. As she walked past me she kept looking at me with a strange smile. I blushed again as I thought , "She saw how I was looking at her." being self conscience I adverted my eyes and looked away.
I thought , " Oh my God ,its already started ,the smirking smiles, the giggling , the secret and hushed whispers , the torture of it all . Here , I haven't even been home a day yet. I was wishing that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for me to come home ."
Yet however, at having the brief chance to look at her (my crush from 4 years ago) this close and odder yet in my house, "Oh God was she gorgeous , she has strawberry blond hair, to go with those blue-green eyes as mentioned earlier, 5' 10" and a body that the goddess "Venus" would cherish. After she past me and was several feet away , I thought I heard a slight giggle, but then she and my mother started talking as they headed for the living room.
Numb and bewildered , I followed them into the living room. Once there my mom and Cindy both turned towards me as they saw me starring at them my mother said, "Oh Phil , I forgot to tell you , Mr.
Clarkson a year after you left sold his house to Cindy's parents . Since then we have become good friends so you'll be seeing more of them from here on out."
I guess my mouth was hanging open in utter surprise while I stood there and I felt the heat rising up my neck again as I started blushing again. I turned hoping that maybe she didn't see that though and left the room. Again my mind was a flurry of thoughts remembering how it was back then and thinking , "Why is this happening to me does God hate me that much and what did I ever do to deserve this much turmoil in my life . Was I going to have to go through the same torment that I did back then in jr. high ,
now in my last 3 years of school?" By this time I found myself out in the privacy of my back yard and decided to work out and do so isometric exercises this generally calmed me down normally but at the same time I was still somewhat worn for the worst because of the long bus trip. After working out for half and hour I went quickly to the kitchen and made myself a quick sandwich, large glass of milk and went to my bedroom upstairs. I ate quickly, and took off my tee shirt because I was still slightly sweating and the a/c felt great as I was cooling off. I left my bedroom door slightly ajar thinking that no one would bother me (right ) because Cindy and my mom were still downstairs and I was in my own house . I laid back on my bed and sleep found me quickly.
Still somewhat in a twilight of my dream I felt someone sit on my bed next to me. I had assumed it was my mother until , " Phil … Phil wake up …..." , in my twilight slumber I was thinking , uh,ummm
thats not my mothers voice … that .. sounds .. like.. C..Cin...dy . Instantly I sat bolt upright looking around like a mad man when I saw Cindy's face with a huge smile but startled look on her face. At first I couldn't believe the Cindy was sitting on my bed speaking to me.
"Wh...what .. are you .. doing here !" I ask startled that she was even there.
She laughed and said, "Your mom sent me to ask you to come downstairs she has something to tell you."
Being startled awake with Cindy in my room no less I again started blushing big time, so to hide it I pretended that I was looking for something that I misplaced with my head turned away from her in hopes she hadn't seen it yet. "Yeah, ah... mmm...err... if you would tell her I'll be down in a moment.
As Cindy left my room going back downstairs I could have sworn I heard the cross between a laugh and a giggle, (if that's possible that is). For some odd reason I was getting mad at myself for doing so much blushing in such a short period of time which I figured she saw anyways even though i hoped she hadn't. I was actual embarrassed that I was getting embarrassed in front of her so easily. I also was getting upset thinking that all the giggling was at my expense and making me miserable , and she was just doing it to be mean to me.
A few minutes latter , after putting a Tee shirt and trying to stall for time to get my blushing and nerves to settle down I went downstairs. As I entered the living room we had more company Cindy's parents evidently stopped by with my mom making the introductions .
"Phil, the Hess's have invited us over tomorrow for a barbeque to celebrate your and Cindy's last free day of summer break and the new school year. With all that had happen so far today I slowly looked at my mom, then at Cindy's parents , and then at Cindy. Cindy was looking at me with what look like a knowing (something that you don't know ) grin. Right on Que , bingo another blush this one I wasn't able to hide this time. My low self confidence ego kicked in and I thought , " Oh my God , she must get off on how many times she makes me do that ..." By looking at her face she had a smirkish smile on it.
I was in such a daze that from there on out all I can recall is bits and pieces of conversation as they prepared to leave. I had though I heard Cindy's parents say that they had to make some arrangements and pick up some supplies at the store for Sundays barbeque . I also thought I overheard Cindy say that she had some calls to make and plans also. It was Cindy's last comment that made me nervous all over again. I didn't know if I could take another day like today or not. Oh, how sadly I was mistaken, it got worse or so it seemed
Sunday morning finally came and I had a very restless night. A nightmarish dream were I seemed to be running from some dreaded creature that was chasing me down a really long hallway which never seemed to end and kept getting longer as I ran down it. With the dread creature hot in pursuit and getting closer the harder I tried to run. I laid there after finally waking up from that nightmare , trying to think of things I could do or say to get out of going. After an hour of premeditated planning , I came up with what I considered to be a full proof plan that was workable for me and still keep my mom from
burning my back side. My plan was just stay long enough to get some food then sneak back to the house, ( "Oh the plans of mice and men come to naught," ) . My worst nightmare was on the horizon and I was totally not prepared for what was to transpire. If I hadn't been so paranoid and had more self confidence things may had been different...maybe...!
My mom had told me it was going to be a barbeque and pool party combined and we were to have our bathing suits with us and to bring towels also. "Oh, great, that's all I need to have more laughs at my expense at how I looked in a pair of swim trunks." You see when your someone like me , someone that has low self esteem and other such issues you don't see the changes in yourself as others may . All you remember or see in yourself is what it was like before and how it was then and not now. I had made up my mind though I was still going to go ahead with my plan and leave as soon as I thought it was feasible. Which I wanted to make sure I didn't upset my mother or the Hess's by my actions. I just kept telling myself , "It'll be for the best if I did."
We were supposed to be at the Hess's by 11:30 am and the party was to go until about 9 pm that evening. I thought to myself , "Ha, if everything goes right I should be home by 1:30 or 2 pm by the latest ."
My mom was one of these prompt on time freaks so exactly at 11:30 we were knocking on the Hess's front door. We were ushered by Mr. Hess to the pool area were Mrs. Hess and Cindy were. Mrs. Hess
began talking to my mother (this is were my night mare begins). Yes ,Cindy begged us to let her invite some of her other friends over also for the pool party since from before when her friends came over they were well behaved we agreed to allow them to come. Mrs. Hess looked over at me and , " We hope you don't mind Phil."
I shrugged my shoulders as if agreeing that I didn't mind, but I was thinking , "Yeah , like I had a choice in the matter to begin with so why even bother to ask."
About 11:45 the doorbell rings and Cindy tells her mother , "I'll get that mom , it's probably my friends
and she disappears toward the front of the house. I could hear from the next room before Cindy got to the pool area talking in an excited but hushed voice with other voices in like manner. I thought I heard some giggling from more than one girl it sounded like. "What is it with girls and that giggling thing?"
Since she had wanted to invite other friends I assumed several things . One she didn't want to be trapped at a party by herself with a loser like me and she wanted help in possibly making my day miserable as she could. I groaned inwardly wishing that I had stayed home already. About that time she walked in ahead of 9 other girls. Each one was wearing their Cheer Leaders outfit from school , I Guess
so that I would know there was no doubt about them being Cheer Leaders of her squad.
I keep thinking , " I'm dead meat, I'm dead meat, I'm dead meat, I'm so going to die now. The chaise lounge chair I was sitting in was faced away from them but by looking through the slats of the mesh webbing I was able to see them for a brief second or two. All the while this whole gang of girls was walking towards me. After turning around for those brief few seconds I was continuing to think, " I'm am defiantly dead meat ," my life I imagined as passing before my eyes and I could have sworn I heard angels calling me home.
Finally all 10 girls were standing in front of me when Cindy spoke, "Girls you all remember Phillip
Deese , he's just getting back from an extended stay at his uncle's out west and he'll be attending school with us again starting tomorrow. He's also my neighbor who lives next door." (AGAIN) I was starting to blush big time, with 10 of at least the prettiest girls from my soon to be school again. Each with expressions on their faces that I totally misread, thinking , "Oh, God , they can't believe that she's actually introduced them to such a loser as I am ."
I knew I was blushing more because I hadn't quite gotten over the other one yet hoping that maybe they might think it was because I was hot because of the sun's heat or something . I suddenly started moving and mumbled , "Taking a swim." Running to the edge of the pool dove in and began doing laps around the pool. At the same time I heard the girls excited chatter and saying , "Lets get changed into our swimming suites!" For about 5 minutes I had the pool all to myself which I was wondering how quickly I could bring my plan about leaving to bare.
END TO CHAPTER 1
START CHAPTER 2:/
Being as shy and self conscience as I was I wasn't really looking forward to Cindy and her cheer squads returning. Matter of fact I was getting down right antsie ,fiquring maybe I should just go now reguardless of my moms disappointment in my actions. However as (bad) luck would have it that just didn't happen for me for at the time I was considering on leaving the pool and sneak out , here come THE GIRLS. I then knew I was going to be in trouble because all 10 girls were wearing some of the skimpiest 2 piece bathing suites I think I had ever seen on a girl. Laughing and giggling (unfortunatly looking at me while doing it and doing that whispering thing girls do) . At the time I didn't know if it was bad or good but for some reason I took it in the negative (ya I did that a lot unfortunately comes from being shy and not being confident and clueless how girls think) . Unlucky me as usual started blushing again and trying to hide it dove under the water thinging if I come up red faced after being under for a bit they'd think it was because of holding my breathe to long.