Typical. I can't figure out what to wear. Choosing has become much easier since I've changed my shopping habits. Buying me a dress that I can rock like no other is a penchant of mine. And, I do it smartly as a savvy, budget-conscious fashionista. It has become one of the competencies I've mastered as I summon my inner Goddess.

Now, I embark upon a personal and social experiment to transform into a self-made Goddess. My goal? To purposefully dismiss from my consciousness all that I know on the subject of men, women, love, and relationships. By full study and skillful immersion, I shall master the art of love, seduction, pleasure and all arts womanly to attract the relationship that I've always wanted with a man. I wanted more than just a man. I want a champion who knows he is God.

The relationship that I want with a man is one where he, by virtue of the sheer, harnessed power of my femininity is a mutual conjurer who brings forth my desires to their highest manifestations. He responds to my subtle yet powerful Goddess influences and in turn he lives in the realization of the God that he is.

Yeah. It sounds self-serving, crass, and purely selfish. I know. True selfishness, with no harm done to anyone else, puts me on the fast track to living the most amazing life. My first task, though, is to make myself into a Goddess. As with most Goddesses on a journey, there's usually a cohort, a side kick, a wing girl of some sort to help perform her bidding. For me, it's my childhood friend, Joss, whom I've known since the third grade. We were roommates in college and now we're all grown up with full-fledged adult lives.

I take that back, Joss has never been a true friend to me. I've never been under any illusions. She's just a singular operative in my life and no more. She's an around-the-way girl with a do-it-yourself weave, trifling baby daddy to match her paltering ass, thorough knowledge of "the system" and its inner workings, knows the whereabouts and latest gossip on all of the people we went to school with, rocks stilettos with tight-ass jeans and oversized hobo bags, takes her shoes off in formal settings when her feet hurt, drives a tricked out Escalade, can summon anyone in her family to break out a can of whoop-ass on anyone for any slight, buys clothes, jewelry, home goods and electronics from the hustler with the five finger discount, and throws an annual backyard party for grown ass folks under the guise of being her young daughter's birthday party.

Every Goddess of any status, race or creed, should have one an operative such as Joss in their life as they always prove useful when you have to "flip-the-script" or navigate life "around- the-way". Just to be fair, Joss and I have known each other since the third grade, were college roommates, and she even named her daughter after my sister. We were on the cheerleading team and in band together. She was an honor student. It's just that our friendship has not materialized to the degree of 'BFF' or 'besties' and based on our differences should not ever.

My cell phone is ringing. It's 'Joss Biggs' scrolls across the display. I accept the call. "Hey Jossie Joss! What's going on?" I say coyly.

"Hey Shan. Some of my sorors are meeting up in New York City for a singles party at the Empire Room and I would like you come with me. Some of our Greek brothers are throwing it." Joss says enthusiastically. "Sure. I would love to. We definitely need to get out more," I exclaim.

"I know. I need a man with some money and I know you know the city. There's nothing out here for us on Long Island."

"So I'll drive to your house, park my car, and we'll go from there? I'll ride shotgun and navigate for you."

"Okay, cool," says Joss. We hang up.

Now, back to my closet. I pull out a navy blue wrap around dress with taupe four sided polygon print throughout and a turquoise, purple, taupe tribal print from the mid-thigh down. I pair that with oversized round turquoise-painted shell earrings, and a matching necklace. Being me, I had to go a little "extra" by adding another necklace and bracelet made of actual turquoise. I have a love of crystals and stones and the mystical powers that hold magnifies my Goddess powers. Crazy sounding. I know. But I needed something, anything, to absorb the negative feeling about stepping out with my 38 DDD-32-46 measured self.

After morphing into a woman nearly double her adolescent weight. I am on the verge of just saying, "Fuck it. It is what it is. I am what I am. Like it or leave it." I am on my way but just not there yet and my newly natural big chop haircut is another concern. I had read on the blogs that men aren't feeling the natural look and that meant all men, including the brothers. I let out a sigh all the while admiring my young curls and waves of my coif. I decided to hook it up with some gel, a side part, and rock it like Josephine Baker. I like my little faux finger waves. If I would have known how beautiful my hair truly is, I would not have rocked a Jheri Curl in the 80s.

To finish the look, I went for full frontal makeup. I had studied the makeup artists who did my face at the makeup counter. I faithfully went to them three Fridays in a row just before I headed out to have them do my makeup, falsies and all. I inquired about each product, tool and technique used and purchased them little by little. I practiced and learned by watching the YouTube makeup gurus. I went for some glittery browns on the lids, black eyeliner on the upper and lower lids and all the other makeup accoutrements. And the final touch, my eyeglasses, for that teacher by day, slutty girl by night persona. Finally, I had pulled together a look that made me feel sexy and confident. I am on my way.

I get to Joss' house. She meets me at the door. "Hey Shan. I hope you don't mind driving. I told you about that my windshield got all messed by that asshole down the street, right?"

"No, I don't remember you mentioning that," I say with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

We passed Joss' Escalade as we walked down the driveway. The windshield is surely cracked. Still, Joss always tries to finagle out of driving anywhere and I am secretly pissed. After all she invited me! As we were crossing the street, headed towards my little compact car—yes I am very aware that all Goddesses should travel only in luxury and I'm preparing to upgrade—a red BMW pulls up.

"Oh, Shan, you don't mind if my Cousin Edith rides with us, do you?" Joss walks over to greet Edith as she gets out of the car.

"I didn't know you had a Cousin Edith." Joss explains, "She's really close to my family."

Seething, I briefly contemplate the best way to move forward from my secret resentment and make the most of what could potentially be a long, arduous evening. I resist the urge to get in my car and wait for them to be done with all the niceties of small talk. And make my way over to greet Edith. Smart move, Shan. Sometimes, amongst us sistas, tensions can run high so any small gesture to diffuse a potential misunderstanding can go a long way. Turns out, I found Edith to be somewhat entertaining.

The singles party at the Empire Room is a bust. Apparently, the host, Darryl, has few varied friends and following despite the so-called success of his singles' website and his frat membership. The men are 'mini-mes' of him. Short, dumpy and profusely boring. I ask him to make an introduction to some of his single friends. He met that with, "I prefer to let guests alone and allow them to mingle on their own." We are in the company of a low-level networker and that's being generous.

I attempted to make conversation with other desperate single party goers and am met with similar travesty. But maybe I am just as desperate. My ice breakers did nothing to peel their eyes from their BlackBerrys' or their thumbs from punching the keyboard or rolling the dial. They can't see us. Not even the bartenders. Eerie. But why? No way to act cool without even sipping on a delectable cocktail. We stood among the mongers near the double doors facing 5th avenue, our only respite were two scrubs who, on the other side of the glass, did all they could to capture our attention.

These sappy brothers, know full well to stay on their side of threshold with their sloppy, unkempt dress, they resort to pantomime and although they were mildly entertaining something appeared seriously amiss with them both—dangerous even. Joss and Edith did everything to avoid eye contact but I gave them my full gaze. What the hell am I doing? I have to break the gaze. It is fueling them. I had to stop giggling at their silly, stupid gestures and leave this graveyard for the single, desperate and lonely. These two hooligans need to be on their way so that we can make a safe exit. I broke my gaze. Hesitantly, they left.

Back in the car, we whizzed over the Queensboro Bridge. Approaching Long Island City with Roosevelt Island beneath us with no traffic made for an enjoyable ride. From the backseat, Edith told us about her new long-distance love to a corporate executive who is planning to fly her across the country for a lusty rendezvous when her phone beeped. She paused. "Hey, my boy Erin just sent me a text telling me to come down to this spot called, "Peppers" around our way."

Joss turns to me. "You feel like heading to Peppers?"

"Where is it?" I ask.

Edith answers. "It's in Hempstead, right off the Southern State."

Wanting to resuscitate myself from the near flat line at the graveyard for the single and desperate or despondent rather, I reply, "Sure, let's go."

"Well, you go Edith. You go see that man and put it on him," encourages Joss. "I need a man who can take care of me, pay my bills, and who I can wrap my body around." We come off the exit ramp nearing Peppers. Joss asks, "So Shan, what are you looking for in a man?"

Unexpected question, I thought. "Wrap your body around? I need a man who can wrap his body around me-a tall, dark, and handsome man who knows how to fuck me and make love to me. Like 6'4". Truthfully, as long as he's above 6 feet, I'm good. I'll even take a less than big dick but I need a big man. He needs to be good at what he does and has no problem being one half of our power couple. I don't want to create babies. That's so passé. I want to create businesses. But in the meantime, he can slap it up, flip it up, and rub it down…" Edith and Joss chime in, "Oh No."

We pull into a parking space in the rear lot behind Peppers. Joss and Edith make their way out of the car and towards the rear entrance. I follow them but suddenly realize that my hitting that New York City concrete and driving back to the Island has left me with a mild case of shoe-icide. There's nothing sexy about a crippled gait caused by ill-fitting heels or, worse yet, the aftermath of would be corns and calluses.

Edith turns around. "Is everything okay?"

"We'll wait for you." Joss adds.

"No, you two go ahead. I'm right behind you. I just need a minute"

Joss and Edith walk in to Peppers and I walk back to the car. Fortunately, I have a pair of black patent leather wedge gladiator-like sandals that are much more comfortable than the gold and leather strappy heels I wore. I like to be comfortable and Goddess-like on my feet at all times. And in my Goddessdom, I do not take off my shoes in public. No a Goddess wears sexy yet comfortable footwear befitting the occasion and never ever exposes her bare feet due to shoe-icide. That is forbidden. To remove my foot from a shoe in public would have to be a high act of seduction.

I strap up and proceed to Peppers. I open the door and on my immediate right there is a men's bathroom. I open the next door and walk through a narrow hallway approaching the side of a crowded bar. Walking straight puts me right behind the bar with the bartenders. Within a few feet of the edge of the bar, I turn a quick left. To my amazement and every Goddesses fancy, there stood a black sea of men holding up the wall.

While all eyes were on me, I caught the glimpse of the embodiment of the perfect man I had just described to my cohorts; towering at, 6'4", broadchested, solid chocolate, and well-dressed. He is a complete standout in looks, stature, and masculine energy. This Goddess is falling from the heavens for this singular mortal man. The Universe had to be working for me—sending me the answer to my petitions.

I use every bit of my power to make my way to my cohorts without losing my footing. I can't see Joss and Edith but surely they are sitting at the bar somewhere. The only way to maintain my Goddessdom is to avoid eye contact. Avoid Big Chocolate Man's eyes at all costs. Could I even call myself a Goddess now? I am weakened by his allure. Everything is in slow motion. I keep my head high. His force is overwhelming but I could not let it over power me. I feel his omnipresent gaze on me. It is seductively piercing. What can I do now?

Does he know the power that he is wielding over me? Is he turned on, tuned in, and tapped into his God Power? I feel drained. I need to restore my vitality. In this weakened state, he could surely overwhelm my powers, take me home, and have his every way with me. I would hardly resist. My heart flutters. My pussy pulsates while my wet life force leaches out on to the crotch of my panties. I need cover, fast.

There they are. Joss and Edith sit at the end of the bar. What a relief. "Hey ladies." I greet.

Joss turns around. "What were you doing?"

"My feet were killing me in those heels. I had to change into some wedges."

Old school R&B is jamming from a speaker tucked away in the corner under counter space just behind us. I notice a doorway to a dark room.

"I'm glad I did cause they are jamming' in here." I respond.

"Yeah, my boy runs this on Wednesday nights. They have a DJ and everything," exclaims Edith, "but this is my first time here."

"Well, I don't see any DJ."

"He's in there." Edith points to the doorway just behind us.

Old school R&B is jamming from a speaker tucked away in the corner under counter space just behind us. A noticed a doorway to a dark room.

"I'm surprised you don't come here more often since you live close by. I said to Edith.

"I'm from around here and I know everyone. I can't mess around with these dudes out here."

I decide to disappear into the next room. The DJ is calling. The music beckoned me. The dance floor will harbor me from the feeling that I am being hawked by that big hunk of chocolate man. Other men are checking for me too. I am fresh meat and they were swarming like vultures. Damn, I like the attention. I haven't felt this good since college…high school, maybe.

Like Edith. I am from the same hood too. I knew most of the people either directly or with a small degree of separation. They just didn't recognize me. I went from a thin school girl to a big thick woman, with glasses, and a short natural. Plus, it has been more than twenty years since I've been around the way although I lived just twenty miles away in the next county over. I, like Edith avoided our school days stomping ground but for very different reasons.

There is one person that I recognized and it is Big Chocolate Man. I knew his full government name. I know where he lived growing up. I knew his little brother. I know that he is six years older than me and graduated from the same high school. We never ran in the same circles but I had been in the same company before at a party, a club or maybe even a football game. I hardly had time to think about that. I need to get myself over to the next room.

Lit only by sconces sparsely mounted on the dark amber walls, the room had a lounge feel sans chic lounge chairs and soft white billowy drapes. Surely enough, there is a DJ there on the 1s and 2s! Dining tables with white tablecloths had been pushed up against the walls reinforcing the perimeter walls.

This is no club or lounge by any means. It is just a makeshift dance floor in a restaurant turned after hour supper club. The party goers on the dance floor were meager but just enough to get that party vibe going. It doesn't bother me. I consider myself, "a party of one". The music is good enough to either sit and chill or get your groove on.

I found a chair on the far end of the room near the DJ and facing the door. This gives me a panoramic view of the scene at any given moment. I'm taking in the atmosphere, the crowd, and in walks Joss. She pulls up a chair and sits next to me.

"So what do you think? Do you see anyone in here that you like?" Joss prods.

Just then Big Chocolate Man stands in the threshold. The meeting of the light from the bar and the dark from dance room creates an imposing shadow. He walks. He has the strong, unrelenting chest of a silverback gorilla.

"Yeah, I see someone I like."

"Tell me girl. Who is it? Show me."

I know better than this. I shouldn't share it. This could end up disastrous. Opening my mouth on Big Chocolate Man to Joss will start some shit. But damn. I feel good. I haven't felt this way in years. I had been so numb for so long and now I feel alive. My womanhood is alive. I nod my chin up in his direction.

"Him."

"Who? Big C?"

"Yeah, him."

Big Chocolate Man disappears into the light of the bar.

"You know him, Shan. We went to the same school and he's from around the way. You don't remember him?"

I looked around keeping Big Chocolate Man in my peripheral.

"Yeah I remember him. Not so sure if he remembers me."

"Big C. Everybody knows Big C. He's nothing but a big Teddy Bear. You want me to introduce you?"

Oh hell no. I couldn't let her do that. I'm confident enough. I could introduce myself if I could just free myself from this trance I am in. I am not so sure how an introduction with Joss would flow. It is too risky. I didn't want to come off as some childish schoolgirl. And, I certainly am not ready to introduce myself. If he didn't recognize me, that is good. I will reveal myself in due time. After all, this whole adventure is like much needed therapy. I needed to take everything step by step.

"No, I don't want you to introduce me."

"Why not?"

"Because, like you said, I already know Big C. I just need to approach him, re-introduce myself, and go from there."

"I'm going to introduce you." Joss insists.

Joss, I mean it. Don't do it. I reply frantically.

Edith walks up and pulls up a chair. Now I'm sitting between Edith and Joss.

"Shan, I'm going to introduce you to Big C."

"Joss, I'm telling you, don't!"

Edith taps me. "Who are y'all talking about? Big C?"

I am not about to bring Edith into this conversation. I just met her. I don't know her and certainly didn't trust her.

"We just talking about how Big C resembled the man that I described when were in the car on our way here. No biggie."

Edith leaned forward. "Oh, because I was about to say, Big C ain't nothing but a dog. A dog." She emphasized.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. He's a dog."

"We weren't really going there with it. But thanks for the heads up."

"So what are you drinking?" Edith asks.

"I'm not really drinking tonight." I know it is 'ghetto' to not buy something but I'm on a tight budget. I didn't expect to drive to the city and I have some appointments this week. I'll hold out for gas.

"Well, my friend is buying for all three of us after this dude tried to buy me a drink and cut out when I told him he would have to buy drinks for all three of us. I don't play that. I'm not going to sit there and sip on a drink from some dude when my girls are thirsty. Uh Uh, I'm not having' that. So, what are you drinking?"

I smile. This is the first time that I've ever been to a bar and had an offer from a man to buy me a drink. I've sheltered myself a bit. I know. Maybe too much.

"I'll have an apple martini. Thank you." I say appreciatively.

She gets back up and heads to the bar. Joss follows. I remember that I read somewhere that whenever someone offers to buy you a drink you should be at the bar while the drink is being made. So, I follow Edith too.

At the bar, Edith introduces us to Antonio, a dark tar- dipped brother with curly textured hair. And I say tar-dipped in the most complimentary way. His dark skin is a refreshing contrast to the crisp white linen button down shirt, blue jeans, and black square toe loafers he is wearing. Edith gives him our drink order and he, in turn, orders from the bartender.

I could feel Big Chocolate Man's intense energy pulverizing my very aura. He still stands against the wall where I first saw him looking toward us. I can see him now in my peripheral. Surely, as he witnesses the attention that me and my cohorts were receiving from Antonio would serve to quell his forces. Antonio hands us our drinks. We walk over to the dance floor in the next room.

Ah, this apple martini is so refreshing. I look over at Joss as she sips on her Blue Hawaiian. She eyes me back. "Hey, you sure you don't want me to introduce you Big C?" Is she trying to start some shit or what?

"No, Joss. I can introduce myself. Really. I can." By now, I get a little buzz from the vodka. I feel good. The DJ spins a hip-hop record with a pulsating bass line. Antonio comes in and asks me to dance. Before I realize it, the dance floor is jam packed. Both Joss and Edith are coupled up on the dance floor. I haven't been out like this in some time and I'm getting my dancing in. My nose sweats. Antonio hands me a tissue.

The DJ mixes in some Soca music and the crowd thins. I notice that Big Chocolate Man has been milling about the perimeter of the dance floor the whole time. I wondered how awkward I looked dancing. How long had he been standing there? Is he really looking at me, taking an interest?

Edith walks toward the bar. "I'll be right back."

Joss exclaims, "I'm not into this island music. It's a wrap for me."

"I know. We'll get back out there when the DJ changes up."

"Hey there's Big C. He's looking over here at you." Joss anxiously points out.

"No, he's not. Besides I don't care. I don't like him."

Eager to get away from Joss and her silly inquiries, I think quickly. "I'm going to see if the DJ is taking requests." I left Joss standing there and made my way to the DJ booth and put my request in. I turn around to head back to Joss. Oh shit. She is talking to Big Chocolate Man. I couldn't back down. I had to be a big girl and rejoin my cohort. I hope she is not telling him about me. If she is, I know I'm going to be pissed. I circle around them.

Joss looks up. "Oh, hey Shan."

"Hey." I smile nervously while trying to avoid eye contact with Big Chocolate Man. I know she's up to something. Joss extends her arm and points her finger at me. And, as loud as hell like she's a schoolgirl going for extra credit, blurts out, "C, this is Shaneequa. She wants to meet you!"

I look at her with a disgusted squint in my eyes and make haste to the nearest exit. I wind up aimlessly at the bar. To distract myself from my disgust and embarrassment, I chat it up with a random couple. Turns out they're regulars and offer to teach me salsa. Joss comes up behind me. "Big C is buying us drinks. What do you want?"

"Apple Martini."

"Why did you walk away after I introduced you to C?"

"I didn't expect you to introduce us after we already discussed you not doing that. I was embarrassed." And I'm a wimp because I couldn't even admit to her to how disgusted that I am with her making the introduction and a bad one at that. Some Goddess I am. "Anyways, I need to use the ladies room. I'll meet you guys back here so we can toast up."

"We'll be over there." Joss points to Big Chocolate Man now standing against the wall flanked by Edith. I glance over and figure that a bathroom break is a good move. I need to regroup again and make sure I'm together.

In the bathroom, I check my face and my dress in the mirror. I'm good to go. I take a deep breath and make my way to my cohorts and face Big Chocolate Man. This is going to be easy. I will have my drink. I will walk right up to him, look up at him squarely in the eye and thank him for the cocktail. That will not be hard. I decide to take off my glasses and carry them in my hand. I want him to get unobstructed view of my face.

The bar is standing room only and there really is not much standing room to be had. I made my way to Joss, Edith, and the imposing Big Chocolate Man. Joss points to the bar where the bartender is waiting with my drink. I pick up the martini glass and take a nice slow sip, then turn and slowly walk toward Big Chocolate Man. I pray I don't spill my drink on anyone or, worse yet, lose my footing and wind up with my ass on the floor. Just as I get within a foot of him, he faces me with suave anticipation. I am within seconds of blurting out my thank you. I am sidetracked when I notice a familiar face. "Shelly?" "Yes?" "Shaneequa Robinson from the Velt." "Oh my God, Shelly exclaimed, I didn't recognize you." To talk to her I had to turn my back to Big Chocolate Man. Nevertheless, I am in his reach.

"How have you been, Shelly?" I am glad for the reprieve but kick myself because I am using any excuse to prolong having to speak with Big Chocolate Man. Shelly proceeded to tell me how she just finished her master's degree after being unemployed for over a year.

While I fully engage in Shelly's rhetoric, I feel the warmth of a large hand stroke the top of my head down to the nape of my neck. It feels so good. What am I to do? I turn around to see that it is Big Chocolate Man. I smile coyly, yet continue my conversation with Shelly. Was that his signal telling me that I should I end my conversation with Shelly? Was there a hidden meaning behind his touch? Was it bar code for I want to screw you? If I did end my conversation with Shelly it may signal submission to Big Chocolate Man. I refuse to submit. Not now. And they said brothers aren't feeling naturalistas. Apparently they are!

Refusing to be shunned in the least, Big Chocolate Man gently grabs my glasses out of my hands. Again, I turn around to see him unfold the arms, hold the glasses up to his eyes, looks through the lenses and for a moment, sees the world as I do. I turn around to continue talking to Shelly while he gently puts my glasses back in my hand.

Nothing more to say to Shelly. Now, I had no choice but to face him. I turn around slowly. "Thank you for the cocktail."

"No problem," said Big Chocolate Man nonchalantly. Awkward silence. Awh yeah! The DJ is playing my song. I start rocking. "That's my jam!" I made my way through the crowd and back into the other room with the dance floor. I got to the middle of the dance floor and Antonio grabs my hand. "He's got money," Edith whispers in my ear. I am not interested in Antonio and the thought of him having money didn't help either. But for now, a dance with Antonio will do me just fine. We start off with a two-step, of course. It seems to be the signature dance of the grown and sexy. Next thing I know, a brother, Ben, cuts in and he steps up the dance game. He got me Chicago steppin', twirling me around, grown folk style. DJ switches the music up and I walk over to Joss who stands near some chairs pushed up to the tables around the perimeter.

"This is a nice little spot," I exclaim.

"Yeah, it is. Did you speak to Big C?"

"Besides, thanking him for my drink? No."

"You should talk to him."

"If he wants this, he'll talk to me. He don't want it."

I notice that Big C has been eyeballing me the whole time. He makes a home for himself in a chair on the room's fifty yard line. I flash a charming glance in his direction but no change in his sexy, smug appearance.

The DJ switches the music from Soca to R&B and we were back on the floor. Antonio, with inexplicable constraint, resumes our dance. Dancing with him is fun still but he seems to exercise restraint. Finally, as the beat changes up, he moves in closer to me. "You know Big C?" This is getting a bit eerie. "Big C. Yeah I know who he is," I said. I glance over and see Big Chocolate Man looking stoic yet intriguing. "What about him?" Antonio stops dancing in his tracks. "He's interested." And with that, Antonio walks away.

Admittedly, I am disappointed. Antonio turns out to be Big Chocolate Man's flunky. And that just seals the deal for me. Antonio is out of the running, the perception of his manhood in my eyes diminishes.

And now for Big Chocolate Man. I made my way over to him and took a seat right beside him. "So you have men in here on your payroll," I ask. He responds with a very bland, "no". What? Oh lawd! What would I do with him? His convo is so lacking. I'm not going to accept the blame for my line even if it was corny and lackluster. It could only confirm one thing. He wants sex. What other reason could there be for him rubbing up on me and then not wanting to talk? Oh, one night stand, for sure. For an attention-starved, thirty-something, making a comeback makes the thought of it intriguing. The added fact that I know him but he doesn't recognize me allows me to operate in stealth and with an air of mystery. But wow, is not intentional. Maybe it's the grown woman weight gain, the short buzz cut, the glasses, the makeup, the grown and sexy, or just simply time.

I get up and walk across the dance floor. Joss sees me and makes her way to meet me. "So, did you talk to him?" she inquires. "I tried but he seems unresponsive like a big oaf. I think he just wants to fuck even if he is slightly interested." Joss smiles. "No, he's a big teddy bear. Trust me. You can have him wrapped around your finger." Just then, Big Chocolate Man comes up and brushes his big hefty body against my ample breasts and makes small talk with Joss. Surely, he's not mildly interested in conversation. He wants to straight fuck. I'm not sure I'm down for that although I could sure use the maintenance on my plumbing. I excuse myself.

At the bar, I chat it up and land another complimentary drink from an off-duty police officer. I'm really nice right now. Joss and Edith have had their fill and they're ready to go. I am too. Joss is tipsy and as we are going out to the car she's asking random guys to follow me home to make sure I get home safe. Edith and I ward them off in Joss' aftermath.

We make it to my car. I open the car doors but Edith and Joss aren't ready to get in. I'm putting on my driving shoes and it turns into a tailgate party in the parking lot of the bar. Joss is getting on my damn nerves. She is still yelling to passersby, asking them to follow me home to make sure I get home safe because I'm tipsy. How ironic?

Big Chocolate Man walks by, alone. "Big C," Joss blurts.

He stops in his tracks. I'm freaking out. I'm praying that she doesn't embarrass me. I'm to the point now where I could just fuck her up because of the stupid shit she's been saying all night. But that isn't really me. "My girl Shan needs you to follow her home to make sure she gets there safe. I want you to do that. Will you do me that favor? I think she's a little too tipsy." Big Chocolate Man looks at me. "Where do you live?" I'm pissed at Joss but I don't want to come off as a sourpuss and although this guy's only objective may be to fuck me, I am crushing on him. I had to answer coyly. "She lives out by you in Suffolk County". Joss babbles. He pauses. We gaze at each other lustfully. "If I follow her home, I'm staying the night."

Confirmed. He wants to fuck. And, he advertises it. Not good and not tonight.