Contemplate life: who are you? Where are you going in life? How will you get there? Etc…

That's what Isaac had written in the margins next to where he told me to find the pond. And so here I am, thinking about my life, or lack thereof. I had a life at one point. Mostly in college and the year after, but not so much anymore.

It might have something to do with the fact that none of my friends were reallymy friends. I always got my friends from the person I was dating. That sounds terrible, even to myself. When I was "dating" Mark I didn't have too many friends, mostly because he didn't have many either. Pathetic.

I haven't had any long lasting relationships before either. My longest was two years, in college. I'm too needy for them. What-the-fuck-ever.

Back in my sophomore year of college I went to a gay bar with my boyfriend at the time, Paul (who ditched me that night and cheated on me). There was this older man there of maybe fifty or sixty years of age and he was talking to everybody. He was going around the room, flirting, dancing, and just having a genuinely good time, and he eventually came across my path (after Paul "went to the bathroom"). Where's your date? he asked me. I told him that I honestly didn't know. He introduced himself as Cliff and I asked him where his date was. I don't have a special someone, he said, none of you twinks really look at an old man like me.He told me about how he had hidden himself for so long that by the time he came out of the closet all of the good ones were taken, or so he told me.

I'm not quite sure why but I couldn't help but feel sorry for Cliff. I could just tell that he regrets not finding someone for himself, that he thinks he won't ever be able to. Cliff wasn't ugly, sure he was older, but he was nice and just wanted attention.

His story also scared me to no end. At the age of nineteen I was sure I would end up like him. I think I still might. It might have something to do with the fact that I date douche bags. There's no other name to call them; they are definitely douche bags. I never cared, I always thought I loved them. I never end anything either, I didn't even end things when Paul cheated on me. I waited for him to call me boring and to break up with me before I saw how much of a jack ass he was.

I date someone, I fall in love after a month or so, they break up with me after four, I walk away like it was nothing, repeat.

I'm not usually one for self-deprecation but this whole thought process makes me sound like such a pussy.

I know I have to change something, maybe I should start with my taste in men, or better yet I could become celibate and have some actual friends.

Matt doesn't count.

New Jersey is one of the few states I've actually been in, so why am I here?

It took two days of expensive cab rides, trains and buses before I finally stopped in Sussex, NJ. Sussex is forty miles away from East Stroudsburg, my intended target. I don't even know what Isaac intends me to do there, I haven't read that far in the directions.

All I know is I'm sick of public transportation. Buses aren't even the worst part of today. The worst part of the day is the call from my mom.

I'm just about to fall asleep in the motel when my cell phone starts ringing. I get up but I guess I wasn't fast enough because by the time I'm done riffling through my stuff I have a new voicemail. It's my mom's voice on my cousin Robbie's phone. "Wesley? You have to come quick, Carl's in the hospital. I have to go," she said before hanging up abruptly. I called Robbie back three times and I tried my mom's cell phone four times and the house twice. Still nothing.
Finally I called someone who did pick up.

"Isaac, I need a favor."


A very optional A/N

Whenever an author said that they were too busy to update I never actually believed them until now. I even had this chapter pre-written and I still found no time to post it. This chapter is pretty short but then next one will be longer.

I hope this my guest reviewer's (Recent Fan) question on why this particular update has been taking so long. This story will definitely get finished but updates will not come every three days as they had previously. It's more likely that they will come once-twice a week.

If you're like Recent Fan and wish to know when I'll be updating next you can always review and ask or PM me, it really isn't a bother.

For those of you still sticking with this story, I thank you and I hope you enjoy the remainder of it. Of course if you get a little bored waiting for an update and have no other stories to read, you could always check out my other ones *cough cough* Threesome *cough cough*. Thanks to everyone who's favorited my story, and myself.

(P.S. Dear Recent Fan,

I think you should "invest" in making yourself an account on here so you can more easily keep up with the stories in which you're reading. It will also allow authors - including myself - to reply to your reviews promptly so you don't have to wait for the next update. Thank you for your support and for being my first commenter towards the beginning of this story.)