Things have gotten worse since everyone noticed. The nightmares are getting worse and no one really understands. I've only told a few people, people who I can trust. It just doesn't cut it. No one knows how much it's all weighing upon my mind. Problems with friends are becoming more frequent and I'm not eating properly. I wish I didn't create you, Catty. I wish you were real.
My parents have discovered that I have nightmares but I'm terrified that other people will judge me. What if the dreams develop? Into something more… sinister? Will people notice? I've not slept properly in about 4 months and it's getting too much to bear.
I've been forced to eat. Mum and Dad literally shoved the fork in my mouth and forced me to eat some broccoli. Honestly, broccoli? Anyway, they forced water down my throat as well. I don't think that I shall ever forgive them. I was on the stairs earlier and I heard them talking. About me. My mother had said: "We need to find someone for her to see. She needs help." My father had replied with:
"I agree. Tomorrow, we shall find a psychiatrist or something." I had run to my room and cried the entire night. I don't need anyone! Only you, Catty. Why won't you help me?
The nightmares are back with a vengeance. They developed, just as I predicted. I woke up this morning to find scratches on my arm. Catty, this is bad! I'm terrified to tell my parents! They'll lock me up for sure! I haven't seen another face in a while. I'm supposed to attend meetings once every two weeks. Not likely! I'm convinced they think I'm crazy. I can feel my sanity slipping away, just by hearing the silent accusations. Why? Do you think I'm crazy, Catty?
It's a Friday. Friday 13th makes no difference to me anymore. I know that my days can't get any worse. Nothing is getting better. I'm so lonely. I only have you, Catty. Only you…
Why can't you be real? I'm pretty much an adult for god's sake and I have an imaginary friend! I'm going crazy… No one is talking to me. No one replies to messages or my phone calls. I'm scheduled to go to the psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm quaking with excitement. I'm sure he'll have a wonderful analysis of me. He's not like you, Catty. No one listens like you do.
Happy Birthday to me… Happy Birthday to me… I guess I am lonely… Happy birthday to me…
I don't even know why I'm still writing to you. It's not like a miracle is going to drop out of the sky. The scratches have scarred and I'm desperate. I'm so tired but I'm too scared to go to sleep. I can't go on much longer. Maybe I should just stop everything. Make the pain go away… No pain sounds nice, doesn't it Catty?
No one noticed! At all! My life is getting better! I knew you'd help me, Catty! I knew it!
Life is steadily getting better. I'm able to laugh at home now. I can only eat cucumber at the moment. It's the only thing I'll eat willingly. I've just got to keep trying and I'll make it! I know it! Thank you Catty!
I can't keep writing to you. I must concentrate on my studies and getting better. I'm getting help now. I'm beginning to trust the psychiatrist now. He's beginning to understand what I'm going through. I guess I should have given him a chance. I'm starting to think clearly and I think that my writing to you is clouding my mind. Making me feel lonely. I'm sorry Catty. You've been such a great help to me. Goodbye…