Journal Entry #_
December 22, 1794
During the those days without her and her love felt like years incased in never ending winter awaiting a non-existent spring. My life no longer had its meaning I needed her more than ever before…Her death is something I couldn't yet accept nor comprehend. A death I couldn't prevent for I was too late; I, the God of Death, couldn't save my own love from the cold hands of bitter sweet passing. How pitiful am I; please forgive me my dearest, Mina…
This pain is so profoundly rooted within me, that the bond between me and my realm has only deepened since her departure. But the wound that has been impaled upon my heart is just as great, my tears, are streams of blood flowing from my frozen prison throughout the decrement wasteland of souls. My tears brought endless rains to the heavens above and flooding into winding Styx below. Since her death not a single rose has bloomed, roses have always been her favorite flower as well as mine. I had them planted for her to tend in her vast garden but her death wiped them clear from the fields, leaving my realm bare from her ever existing memory.
Day after day, I continue in my search for her very soul, that she had given me upon her last dying breath sealing our fate forever, but I fail in time again and again. I knew from the depths of my heart that she was still alive, locked away from my reach but forever calling out to me. I also sensed the evil, who took her away but he too, is locked away from my mind's ever reaching eye escaping from he's rightful torment.
After one week had passed since her death, our families correspondingly gave her a proper funeral procession, along with a public viewing, in honor of her loving and living memory. Since then I haven't seen anyone except the vast loneness and the cold hardness of my throne. During that time period I constantly thought of ways to bring her back and to make her mine once again for all eternity.
Then one day during my usual processions, the three Graces came to see me…
"Lucifer, son of Hades and Persephone, we have seen a vision of your fate and that of your beloved Mina," said one of the fates.
"Your prayers will finally be responded to young Prince of Darkness," said another.
With these words spoken left in the air brought deadly silence across the throne room. My gaze instantly fixated on their only given eye in dying knowledge. I felt my heart jump in my chest pumping adrenaline into my veins my heart pounding ever so loudly over my ears. But the three Graces stared back unmoving, their bodies motionless as if carved of stone, only their gowns rustled caused by silent draft, radiating an eerie kind of beauty about them. They were beautiful like most maidens, their only difference was their celestial power over the Gods and the mask of jade porcelain and gold that they wore, which drove them apart from the oracles, who also wore masks. Their masks were comprised of a fine designed nose, thinly parting lips, two cutting edged holes for their eyes, tribal designs running down their cheek bones, and finally the oddity of a third eye hole in the middle of the forehead used for actual sight. Not to mention their gowns that glowed in a dim shade of jade green becoming transparent now and then. Their hair often danced around them varying at different speeds depending on their moods. At last they finally passed the eye to the corresponding Grace before one of them spoke again…the dangling of their bracelets only nerved me for their response…
"The shadow that has been lingering on your heart and mind shall be finally lifted unveiling the truth so direly wanted. Princes of Darkness are you ready to hear your fate that is to come upon you and that of your beloved, "said the third Grace with her taunting voice sending anxiety into my blood.
"Yes, I Lucifer Arthan de Dimmu Borgir am ready to pledge an oath and be bestowed by your visions of wisdom, your respectful Graces," I said repressing the raging emotions locked away for so long. Happiness, passion, anxiety and fear conveyed through my body as I sat before them on my throne.
"Very well then, just as six is your mark upon her, six years you shall lie in wait upon her return. You shall see her blossom from a bud into a beautiful flower, ready for picking. But just as roses have thorns, obstacles shall lock your path," said the eldest of the three.
"Your life strings are forever intertwined, from what I can see and know, but best be prepared for the forces that attempt to force you apart. For as in love is death, but jealously, lust, and obsession are surely to follow," said the youngest.
"The Fates have spoken, heed to our warnings Lucifer, for you may think that it's up to you to determine the outcome of the visions but in reality it is up to us to determine whether or not we accept your decisions and your entire fate as the rest of the world," they said in unison with their mask eyes glowing vibrantly a bright shade of jade green and hair swaying violently back and forth.
And with the glow that came from their eye sockets faded away just as quickly as it appeared; a down pour of rain came along with rapid succession of dancing lighting crossing the skies and claps of deafening thunder, which sealed the end of our conversation. And just as quietly as they entered- disappeared into the rainy mist leaving whispers of fog tendrils about the door till it closed shut with an echoing thud; leaving their decree unquestionable and a single red rose as a sign of time, tinged with blood…
Journal Entry #_1_
March 1, 1793
I hardly ever had a chance or a need to write in a journal but since my mother gave this to me for my birthday I might as well write in it. Maybe writing in this journal may help me express my thoughts and emotions trapped inside of me as I live my life.
I came home in frustration and disappointment today at my progress in the task my father, Hades, Lord of the Underworld and the Titan of Fire, had given me. Even a son of a God has his own set of problems. I'm the youngest of six, with nineteen years of age, born a full-fledge God. My mother being Persephone, the Daughter of Zeus, Lord of the Gods and the Titan of Thunder, also my father's brother, and Deimeter, Goddess of the Harvest; as compared to my older siblings born from demi-goddesses, nymphs. Being breed from such a strong royal linage it would be counted as odd to not have me as the official heir of Pandemonium.
But I always felt that my father had to be recognized by the other Gods due to seclusion and other considerations such as respect and pride ever since the humiliation that my brothers put him through. Since my birth, he always boasted about my potential in becoming the true black sheep of the Gods. And as I grew I learned to live up to my often spoken potential in studying and doing proper customs but most of all being my true self. But there were always downsides to this. I myself was often secluded by other gods and goddess. I was often alone during my childhood and spent most of my time doing things that should have been done later in my life…in other words I matured before my time but my grandmother and my mother told me most men go through such a life style unlike the women who were more social often tending events and other things that women would do. Through time and my coming of age, I began to integrate myself more with others. "A truly refined gentleman", my grandmother would say.
One day during a royal banquet on Mt. Olympus, my father proposed a toast to my coming of age celebration and announced my task in gaining the title I was born to receive.
"As you know I've been planning this for many years, my official day in a proper retirement and the celebration of my son's nineteenth birthday. Many of you have very suitable heirs and heiresses, whom to all have been made very proud of. But a God or Goddess can't fully assume his or her position without a proper consort, a partner for whom a life time shall share these responsibilities, "said my father.
"So a quest for a partner, a bride in this case right," said Hermes scanning the expression on my face after hearing my father, passing me a slick smile.
Ares laughed," That's not to hard now is it, the maidens and servants here are practically drooling at his heels!"
"What good will become of such behavior? Surely the ladies you're making fun of are looking for something more than a one night deal, and my grandson will never do such thing unlike you Ares! We already know what you're capable of, isn't that right Aphrodite," said my grandmother, Diameter, in a serious tone.
"Quite so, that's why Athena dumped you, but enough about our past relationships. Surely it's a quest for true love isn't Hades. Because I surely wouldn't mind helping precious Lucifer," said Aphrodite smiling happily about the idea.
"Tell us already brother, what kind of challenge do you impose on my nephew," said Poseidon worried about the chaos Aphrodite's son Cupid would arise if she were to help me on my quest.
"Alright that's enough commentary, please, continue my good brother. What do you propose, so that we may begin the quest in celebration so desperately sought, in honor of you and Lucifer,"said Zeus.
"I've sealed one-hundred-forty-four-thousand women of suitable linage with the mark of the beast throughout the soils of the Mediterranean. One of them you must select as your bride, your future wife, whom you love. If you prevail you may have my blessings and obtain your proper inheritance; if you fail I have to no other chose but to remain in my duties and disowning you as one of my sons, "said my father with a tone of dread in his voice.
"Disownment, we shall not do my son. Even without a wife, I believe he can still handle the task. Even you yourself saw him in how far he has come, "said my mother confronting the words my father spoke.
"No, it must be done that way, I gave my words to the Fates if they granted me another son, and you know that every well, Persephone, "said my father with his face a flush.
"Father, I vow not to fail nor shame you upon the sealed words you gave to the Fates. Even if your duties is that the very thing that shames you, makes you feel like you're worthless and unvalued by the other Gods. Not anymore! From this day forth, they will learn to value you, their brother, by my act in upholding your challenge, for my dignity as your son and as a fellow god is on that very line along with yours. And with my family as witnesses, I accept the challenge you have set before me ever since I was boy, in the sacred name of the Fates, I accept your challenge, "I said proudly and dismissed myself.
Riff, my right-hand servant and friend, came shortly after my given speech to tell me the aftermath as I reflected upon my actions and future. He told me that my family marveled at my speech even though it wasn't very thought out. My mother cried at my heroism, my grandmother said she saw a pure image of Zeus in me. Aphrodite said that whoever fell in love with me and became my bride would the luckiest women alive, of course she only said that because consider herself like an aunt to me. As for my father he was stunned cold at my acceptance and readiness at the challenge.
Yet ever since the quest began my mind has been deeply pro-founded in thoughts such as, how can I find true love if I don't know one thing about being in love not mention understand the meaning. What is love? What is its difference with lust? How does one know what to look for in a partner? Women are so different from each other, so many qualities I want in a women. Surely I'll fail miserably and shame my father, Oh my goddess, Aphrodite, what should I do? But the more I thought about it the more confused I became and as I became more wrapped in troublesome thoughts; my mother came and sat beside me as I laid there on the couch.
"That look on your face, Lucifer, tells me you are deeply troubled. Please tell me so that I may not worry, "she said in her sweet soothing voice. She brushed my hair away from my forehead and kissed me and graciously sitting down next to me.
I responded with a long terrible sigh, unable to hide the exhaustion and distress. "Why did father give me such a task mother? Why couldn't he just choose one of my other brothers instead, "I said hopelessly exhausted.
"Listen to you what you are saying my son, "and her eyes pierced deep within mine. "Your brothers would have failed instantly; for they seek only in wrecking pleasure and wealth. Your father chose you because you were different; you showed all of us by your true self with the expectations but mostly you gave the things wanted by others, you said so yourself. He knows you're going to make him proud and that you'll do anything to achieve it."
"Sometimes I wish he wouldn't boast about me so…after what I said and my unacceptable progress, I feel like I'm failing him as a man as well as a son."
"You haven't failed him; you are just giving up too quickly because this is something you lack knowledge of. Look at it from a different angle and ask questions, "She replied.
"How can I find true love and how does one know, "I asked taking her hands into mine.
"Love is something special all on its own; something so special that it's very hard to describe…rather there too many things to describe it. Open up your heart and have it guide you to the right path, surely then you'll find true love and eternal happiness, "she said smiling while caressing away my doubts.
"Thank you for your words of inspiration and comfort mother, "and I got up, gave her a quick kiss, a hug and began to set off again.
"Let Aphrodite guide you to your love and Athena grant you wisdom in your decisions my son, "she said smiling and watched me pull away and disappeared into the palace, ready to face my challenge in a different light.
Diary Entry # _13_
Starling Manor, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 10, 1793
Never, I thought that my world could change so abruptly. So many things that are out there that I don't understand yet, so many things I still have to learn; for example, how to heal the wounds of the heart. The man who I thought is no longer a prince in my eyes but a demon in disguise shattering my hopes and dreams into tiny pieces of stained glass. I can't help but try to tear away the emotions that bind me to him but the tears of my eyes and the blood of my heart flow endlessly. But I know that it won't be easy to tear away a love so deeply rooted in my heart…
It began around ten o' clock, an hour later then our scheduled date together. Maybe he got drunk again I thought to myself he's often done that before with his friends. Though I dislike drinking beyond the causal limit I was lenient on him in so many ways. Yet his work has been slow lately due to the end of the war that ended four months ago. Or maybe I was the problem, maybe there was truth behind the rumors, that I bore him, that I wasn't woman enough for him. It's true I'm not exactly the attractive type or outgoing like the girls he used to courting with, but isn't being myself better than those who lie or make themselves better then what they truly were?
Then again Lancelot didn't like it very much what had happened last time. We were invited to party a couple of nights ago when Lancelot was slightly drunk and more aroused then usual but knowing the boundaries of our courtship he tried to surpass them but I refused in sake of my honor leaving him very much angry. Not that I didn't want to give myself to him as his fiancé but I wanted to wait and have full proper courtship and marriage something that Lancelot half way understood. Yet Lancelot's anger always got to the best of him and he left me without escort that night leaving me quite hurt. Later that week he apologized about his behavior at the party; said he had thought about what he had done wrong and asked to meet each other again, today. This brings me back to my original thought, well if he's drunk, he must be staying at a local inn, were he often stays when he is drunk.
There's nothing wrong with me checking up on him to remind him about it and it not too far from here either I thought as I gathered my things to departure myself from the manor. I should make in no time at all, after all it just north of town square; what we've planned may still be achieved. When I managed to get to the inn, surprisingly without much trouble though the time was late in the day and the size of the traffic in all. Athens after all was a quite a busy city as any other capital city of the Gods would be, especially in the Elvin sector. As I entered the inn, I checked in with the main keeper of the establishment. Who gladly gave his room number and a spare key incase it was locked. He also apologized about the untidiness since he was lacking janitorial staff this morning.
As I walked up the stairwell, making myself through the rushed staff, that was so little in number, trying to find Lancelot's quarters. I stopped to listen to the chaos of rush hour down below in the hidden alley ways of the city. This made me come to doubt myself in the goodness of seeing Lancelot. One he could become really angry about my visit and his displeasure of my being a nuisance to him. He'll probably say that I'm too attached to him and that I can't do anything without him; or…he could be happy that I came to see him and feel guilty about his forgetfulness. Whatever the outcome would be I didn't want to seem to dependant of him and that of my own independence openly display my feelings in try to regain redemption to produce proper function in our courtship and possibly establish myself correctly against the odds of a the rumors.
Whichever guesses I made at the possibilities about his composure I still wasn't going to go anywhere about the situation just by guessing. It was either now or never, I told myself as I stood knocking gently before the door, but no answer came. I knocked again but a little louder this time, still no answer came from behind the door. So I checked to see the door was locked, which it was, so I pulled out the spare key the inn keeper gave me; gently pushing against the door with my weight just enough that I could pass my head through and called out, still no answer. Pushing the door and allowing myself in I called out again, still no answer. This is when I began to get nervous and uneasy about my presence. As I began to make my way through the living room toward the bedroom, I heard a rustled sound of movement and muffled voices.
"Lancelot? Are you awake," I asked quietly for instantaneously my throat became dry and a metallic like taste pierced my tongue. And the only thing I heard after the death of my voice was the sounding of the drum like beat of my heart thumping faster and faster as my anxiety grew. Like glass shattering to the ground, the sound of silence was broken once more ripping through the air into my heart.
Moans of pleasure escaped parting lips in gasping breaths. My heart sank terribly at the foolishness of my earlier thoughts and ached in the pain of rejection. My daunting fear came true, my hopes shattered, my love casted off like a dog into the rain. Heat began to spread across my face and my chest tightened at the suffering pain. I tried my best to not fall apart but as my world began to twist and turn beneath me, my knees began to tremble reminding me that it was taking all place and that I had to continue. As I began to turn the door knob with weaken sweaty palms even with the gloves that I wore was troublesome for me. It was the door I wished I never had opened, but it was to be so by the Gods, and it was opened. Revealing my fears into true form right before my eyes…
"Lancelot, please don't stop," said Guinevere, practically half-naked in his arms. Their bodies pressed against each other in wanton postures. She was facing me while Lancelot's back was to me.
The entire room was in disarray filled with the scents of alcohol, perfume, sweat, and smell of pure lustfulness. The bed sheets were tossed this way and that; clothes scarred everywhere…if there was anything else I wouldn't have known for my vision was blurred by sting full tears.
"I feel like I'm forgetting something but whatever it was can wait much longer; I'd rather devour you all over again," he said kissing her haughtily on the neck whispering to her perverously; tossing our engagement and myself away as if I never existed.
Guinevere wrapped her arms around him clawing his back beneath his shirt and nibbled at his ear with the most venomous smile on her face as she looked straight at me almost in hysterical laughter at me and my beliefs. Whatever happened next in that room that I saw before my eyes was something I simply couldn't accept. My fiancé had cheated on me right before my very eyes without even knowing I was there, for how long I wonder and what for what reasons? Had I not been faithful enough to him? What had I done to deserve this? Did he have no plans of marrying for me but for my virginity and fortune? As for Guinevere, a well famed actress, what links did she have with Lancelot? Did she not already have many suitors and lovers by her side?
Tears pooled at the rims of my eyes, as I thought these thoughts in my head, causing my vision to glistened and blurred. Before I knew it, I was out the room quietly stumbling over furniture leaving them to their unspeakable acts. Yet after I got out the door of his room I ran down from which I came crying profoundly out of the inn while thinking; why would he do this to me? Did he even ever love me even a little or was it just all lust? Did he just tolerate me…just because? How can I get these hideous images out of my mind? How could I ever have fallen in love with him?
My hair whipped behind me in the cooled me, against the heat of my neck and face. My feet were nothing but blurs against the cold hard wet cobblestones of Athens. My eyes stung against the colliding winds and steady flow of angry tears. As I made my way across the street with my head down trying to pull my composer again and making my way down the sidewalk when I ran into someone, which turned into a inevitable collusion.
The impact of our bodies caused the young man's finely tailored top hat to cover his eyes, causing him to blindingly settle his cane behind my foot causing me to lose my balance. As I leaned away from him, he tried his best to assist me by holding my waist to stop my fall. As I tried to regain my dignity against the stranger, I found it strange to find his arms falling away. It then occurred to me that when he placed his cane behind one my boots , my fall must have cause him to be hooked by the other, causing him to become imbalanced. Thoughts went so fast through my mind I tried to regain my balance again by reaching out to the closest thing to my hand, which were the sides of a finely tailored coat.
But my mistake couldn't hardly been more disgraceful in doing so; my foot suddenly twisted beneath under a slick wet cobblestone instantly changing the course of the force and direction of where I was trying to head. My left knee instantly reacted to the slip of my right foot rising to allow me to step back to maintain balance except…what happened was that it slammed into gentlemen's loins accidently, due to the closeness of our bodies. The victim of my unspeakable act chocked from accidental hazardous assault. During the impact my dress rose to about half my thigh, the leg in which the knee had struck him slid down the inside his iron black pants on the left side while the my right leg slide down the outside of his right. And if there were no wrinkles in his attire I can assure you there will be now after what happened.
It was hard to say who suffered more in the agonizing mishap. My legs felt like they were scraped raw and sensitive. As for the gentlemen's pain…I could only imagine must have been worse than fate that had befallen me. We sat there in silence a few measures on the wet cobblestones, until we both stopped think about our individual pain. And for a moment during our silence I thought I heard a child's laughter in the air above us.
"I'm terribly sorry, sir I didn't mean to cause you such a mishap. Are you alright," I said staring at the finely tailored gentlemen. His suit was a deep black with a shine of emerald green tint, I never seen so before in a suit. His skin was smooth and flawless as marble or ivory with short raven black hair that covered his eyes along with his hat.
The thoughts of anger against me raged on until the moment my finger laid on the rim of the top hat as I continue to marvel as his un-despicable beauty. I slightly moved the hat to where it was just above his eyes allowing me to glimpse more of his handsome face. When he spoke in a smooth medium low tone voice as my hand lay still upon his hat.
"Don't worry about it…accidents happen my lady," he replied, his eyes and face holding a grimace of pain.
Suddenly he carefully removed the leg with my injured thigh slowly then his arms came around me placing his gloved masculine hands around my waist lifting me easily, shifting my weight off of him, before he finally settled me down to ground between the pair of his own boots. Upon releasing me, I felt the warmth of his hands that lingered on my clothed skin spreading through my body. Heat spread upon my face again in embarrassment that I felt such a sensation toward a stranger. It was improper considering my feelings toward Lancelot. I spoke again quickly to break the silence bridging us.
"Have I ever seen you before sir, or am I mistaken by my assumption? I feel extremely guilty. It wasn't my intention to cause you such harassment. I should have looked where I was going. My sincerest apologies," I said with a low bow.
"It's alright my lady, I should have as well. No use stressing over the matter, and I accept fully your apology due to your honesty. But with magnificent eyes and beautiful face such as yours, I hope it's not the case always," he said with a gracious smile both from his charming smile and glistening shining eyes, which were an erotic shade of golden emerald green.
It was this moment that I realized how handsome my companion was, as he stood full height before me flattering comments to me as if I were the most enchanting girl he'd ever seen in his life. By the sound of his voice he spoke the truth…that I interested him. But the very fact of such a thing caused me to blush, seeing as how I could cause such pain to a beautiful creature such as him.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to embarrass you. I maybe I should learn to control my commentaries but since I'm saying the truth, there's no harm in that I suppose," he said he adjusting his hat.
"I'm fine, really, it's just…," biting my lip and turning away slightly trying to suppress another blush at the confirmation of my thoughts but also at his shyness toward me. How could such a reassuring gentleman like him be shy of someone like me?
"As for the question you asked earlier. You probably have not met me but maybe your father has, for I am a man of business. As such, to other men of business, I am quite well known, Count Cain, at your service, and considering beyond your question…may I at least know the name of my captivating companion before another person befalls us," he asked studying me intently my face with those eyes of his.
Knowing that his eyes were upon me once more my voice couldn't help but falter a bit in my response, "R-Randwulf, my Lord," I said giving his a respectful curtsey, blushing again at my mistake.
"It is truly an honor to meet you Miss Randwulf," he said bowing a graceful bow kissing my hand gently. Once again heat swept through my body and the touch and heat from his lips remained my gloved hands. My face blushed even harder than before.
"N-no the honor is truly mine," I rapidly responded upon his returning gaze upon me. I looked down to avoid his gaze any further, when I realized I was bleeding a stream of blood near my ankle. Oh, it must have been when I skidded down his pants.
He realized what I was looking at, "Your thigh is where the blood is coming from isn't it? May I tend it for you," he asked with a softer tone of voice, he pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket.
"It's alright it doesn't hurt at all, there no need for tending it, it can wait a bit further, I don't live too far off from here. But thank you for the offer," the thought of him tending my wounded thigh brought thoughts I've never before conjured to my mind. Thoughts so wanton that I had to practically force them from my mind just to think straight. Heat flushed to my face again in embarrassment of my unlady like conduct. As I looked at the ground to hide my blush again I notice his cane casted aside during the fall. I grabbed for it before I asked another question, "Do you move around a lot my Lord?"
"Yes, quite so. Business is expanding greatly," he said as he took the cane from my hand. His gaze shifted from my face to the necklace that I was wearing, studying it intently. It was a three-clawed dragon amulet with three smooth emerald stones embedded into the sterling white gold. He studied the amulet a little longer before he looked up at me. "I never seen such an amulet like the one you're wearing. It must be quite a treasure to you."
"Yes, my father gave it to me, he said he got it before I…," instantly out of nowhere came rushing toward us was my lady-in-waiting, Maud.
"Maud, why are you here and so out of breath," I asked instantly forgetting about the Count for a moment.
"I saw you so I came running to ask you if you needed anything but I ran into traffic so I couldn't get here right away," she said and she was catching her breath quickly.
"I see Maud," replying kindly.
"Whom were you speaking to my Lady," she asked.
"I was talking to a very refined gentlemen I ran into accidently. His name…," but when I turned around to present him he was nowhere to be seen. "That's odd he just was here," I said quite puzzled.
"I'm very sorry to leave so quickly I have an arrangement to get to. Miss Randwulf it was truly a pleasure to meet you," he called to us from across the way, hurrying to catch a coach and I snapped my head towards him to see him lifting and tipping hat to me and Maud in a very fluid and graceful movement. He tossed something over his shoulder as he turned, in such a charming fashion. The wind picked up, carrying with it his business card, floating towards me and I caught it from the breeze.
"I'll pay for you all your troubles, I promise you that my Lord," I said loudly enough so he would hear against the roar of traffic.
"I'm quite sure you will," he said as well in the same manner, on the sideway of the far end of the sidewalk facing me with a smile. Until a coach appeared taking him away to another part of the city.
"Ah, Count Cain, what a gentlemen he is. You don't find too many of those anymore, but so many mysteries mask that dashing young man. Then again his good looks and charming way can make any women blush," Maud said with her eyes upon me.
I knew the statement was part of a gossip she heard. She was into that kind of thing but being a lady I simply couldn't tolerate it since it was influenced by bad people than good. But the fact that the statement she said was true I couldn't help but blush again. That's when Maud broke me out of my thoughts…
"My lady, about Sir Lancelot; did things go as planned," she asked.
The mentioning of his name made my blood boil in disgust, and in anger I reattributed in reply, "You can tell my father that I no longer wish to see him and I hereby withdraw myself from the establish courtship. Furthermore I don't wish to speak of it any further, is that understood, Maud?"
"Yes, my Lady, as you wish," she said with her face quite perplexed.
Later that day at dinner I couldn't bear to tell the reason of why I cancelled my engagement with Lancelot to my father. I tried my best not to think about it but as I distracted my mind with other thoughts I couldn't help but to find myself tracing back to the gentlemen I had met today. How could I react to him in such a way I thought? How could I betray the feelings I had for Lancelot still buried deep within inside me? Or was it that I never really experienced the feelings of true love with Lancelot and now I…was experiencing with them Cain? Could someone truly fall in love with someone at first sight? What feelings did he feel toward me? Why did he say those nice things about me? Did he just say them just be nice or was he after the same thing Lancelot was? He probably didn't feel anything about me for he must have someone else. Why does such a thought make me sorrowful? But whatever the answers to my questions were, chances are I will probably never be able to find them anyway.
Journal Entry #_2_
Artemisia Inn, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 10, 1793
Out of all the women I had ever met never had I never ever met one like the woman whom I had just encountered I told myself today as I road in a coach hired to me by Riff. The entire ride, my mind was fixated on the image it had created of her and of the little time we spent together.
She was a beautiful young woman around the age of eighteen, if I am assuming correctly. She was about average height for most women, with a normal body type, very much well fit. Her face was that of an angel, both sweet and innocence radiating from her crystal clear eyes that were in the shade of sweet smelling lavender; her lips were smooth and soft like a feather. Her voice sounded like a nightingale singing a wonderful melody. Her skin…silky like satin and pale white like the full moon but warm like the spring; her hair was set half flowing like ribbons pulled up top like a present, straight with curls that bounced on the ends. Its color was that of ebony with a tint of lavender when it shined in the light. And her perfume smelled like that of a thousand roses, simply intoxicating…she wore a dress of a light shade of pink and a black under collar, the main collar of her dress was white, with puffed shoulders, and cuffs of white with two stripes of black. Her collar was held together with a black bow, but she also wore around her neck, an amulet, baring the sign of beast proof that she was indeed one of the women chosen by my father.
Sadly the minute my mind finished replying my conversation with Ms. Randwulf, the coach had already parked itself in front the inn, where I was going to be staying, that was all the way across town from town square. As I stepped out to the landing, I was greeted by Riff who took my over coat and my cane from me. I didn't tell him anything about her until we both were behind closed doors. Loosening my tie, tossing my hat aside and plopping myself across the sofa of the living room I made myself comfortable so that I could tell Riff finally what my mind had been rambling about at the way to the inn.
Riff, being Riff picked up after me, handed me a glass of my favorite brandy all before he actually sat down with a stack of papers in his lap ready to listen.
"You wouldn't believe what happened to me Riff," I said laughing couldn't help but remember the fall we had taken together.
"From the sounds of it milord, you sound amused but you also display hardship, as well," he said as he placed his reading glasses on his face.
"Miss Randwulf, is truly quite a girl. Never have I had such an impression. Maybe she just reminded me of my mother, grandmother, and my aunts, Athena and Aphrodite" I said, taking a sip of brandy from my glass, the taste was impeccable as always.
"She's of noble birth milord, daughter of Mariana and Colton Randwulf, owners of the Starling Manor, she also has one sibling named Isabella," said Riff handing me her documentation, noted long ago during the age of my childhood.
"Mina Elizabetha Randwulf, Marquessa of Starling Manor. Her name has rich sounds; it says here she was just recently engaged to Sir Lancelot de Du Lac, not that long ago but it his name seems to be faded from the paper," I said handing the paper back to Riff.
"It been called off from the looks of it, for reasons I can't say but it won't hurt to make arrangements with her and her father I suppose," said Riff, eyeing me and my expression.
"We ran into each other actually. She seemed to be extremely upset, almost heartbroken; I could read it in her eyes. Someone, maybe even her ex-fiancé, caused her such pain. She was a shy but a honest woman, she truly reminds me very much of my mother as well as Aphrodite," I replied in deep thoughts of her image smiling before me.
"Which reminds me the accidental part of your encounter, "accidently" sounds very much like the work of Cupid, milord? You don't think Aphrodite has anything do with this," he asked.
"It is a possible, there is no denying in that Riff; but there's something truly special about her. Something I can't place right away. This feeling…a connection the minute I made contact with her whether it may be physically or spiritually. Something in my heart tells me she's the one for me, the one I've been searching for. I hear her heart and soul calling out to me," I spoke looking at the full moon high into the heavens.
"It is the heart's song milord; a song that only one other person can hear when all is lost; only two carry the same song of the heart and the two will constantly call until the truth is revealed…the soul of one's true love, the soul mate's everlasting vow," Riff explained to me. Then he stood, placing the paper work back on the table and made a few phone calls before heading to bed. At that moment, I realized how lonely Riff must be, always taking care of me and never living a life for himself.
I pondered on the last the words spoken by Riff; all of this was still all so new to me. I still didn't quite understand the meaning of love and the actual feeling. Maybe I was mistaking this for strong physical attraction or maybe I strike her as a really good person who I find I get along with very well and very much enjoy her company. I continued to wrap myself around the truth of my attraction and origin of my feelings toward her until I feel asleep on the couch staring at the moon, hoping I would find what I wanted in her.
Journal Entry #_3_
Artemisia Inn, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 11, 1793
I got up this morning, with a slight tiredness in my limbs, which went away as soon as I took a hot shower. As I got out of the shower, drying my hair, somewhat dressed properly; Riff began to explain today's plans to me, who was already dressed to set out on to the streets.
"Sir Colton Randwulf said he would be willing today to receive your visit to the manor. But he's quite troubled about the reaction of his daughter. But if she accepts without any interfering emotions or arrangements tied to her then the process shall go as planned. This is the signing of the compact agrees to three months of courtship, reassurance of emotions, then finally the wedding arrangements, and your heritance ceremony," said Riff, helping me get dressed by placing my over coat on me while I placed my gloves on my hands and a newly tailored hat that just arrived that morning.
"I can't blame the Lord for being so nervous about her reaction. I don't even remember what number was the last one when she fainted. Yet I feel she'll be a strong one. Unsure I suppose since she may want to respect her ex-fiancé. Maybe she'll give a waiting period before she gives way to allow me to become her new suitor," I replied as I tied the final laces of my boots pushing them to the side and finally strapping the straps to the sides.
"Will you being taking you cane with you my milord," said Riff taking it in hand and opening the door, where an inn maid was standing ready to being her morning work. She blushed the minute she saw me.
"Yes, we better get going, you know how traffic gets at the town square," I said to Riff while tipping my hat the young lady.
We departed the inn, and waiting for a coach to arrive. While we waited we watched the early people run around the cobblestone streets to finish their morning errands before morning rush hour. The thought of rush hour brought adrenaline into my veins and an exciting shiver down my back at the thought of seeing her again. It wasn't 'til after I paid a paper boy for the morning paper that our hired coach arrived. As we drove through the streets, the morning sun burning, brightening the sky, and the swarms of people going to and fro as they pleased, I thought of the Starling Manor and what it would look like, but my guesses leaned more to an Elvin style, since the Manor was built in a quite populated population of Elves. Her father also worked mostly with Elves, so my guess was probably true. Finally we turned to a street leading away from the bustle of the crowds into a sector that was quietly surrounded by lavishing gardens, which were peaceful with the song of birds. People strolled on the sidewalks, early morning riders in the fields, and many couples sat on the grassy lawns under the cooling shade of large oak trees with their out casting branches filled with springtime leaves and blossoming flowers of coming fruit.
The coachmen then announce that the Manor was not far ahead, just a little deeper in the Elves' lavishing garden forest. As I peered out the window for a better view of the manor, I saw the sun peering out from behind the building casting out a shadow upon the hill. The manor was quite large and in the Elvin architecture but still retained Greece influence as well. The front of the structure had massive marble columns and grand windows with gothic metal work into them and designs of forest trees. The stone of the building was grey with white and had about three stories in it. As the horses reared nearer to the house, I felt my heart beat quicken then at of the sound of horses hoofs beating on the gravel path way leading to the entry patio. Seeing the main butler stand there waiting alongside Sir Randwulf, I stuck my head back into the coach and quickly changed my demeanor to the situation that was about to unfolded before me. Riff gave me a look of reassurance, and had the briefcase in hand ready to set out what we had spoken that morning. But the difference between sayings and doing always got me a little uneasy, since I didn't know how exactly how my future courters would react to it. The thing that was making me nervous was what if Miss Randwulf rejected my offer and how foolish I would feel to have my hopes crushed. Nevertheless, I pushed the thoughts aside and stepped outside onto the gravel and was greeted warmly.
"Glad, you made it here safely, Lord Cain, with traffic and all. I hope this wasn't too early for you," he said laughing nervously but with a sincere smile on his face. He was dressed in one of his finest clothes, probably a newly tailored outfit and a pair of brand new shoes. Whatever it was he looked spotless for my arrival and as for his butler he as well looked ready just like Riff, not once looking a mess or out of line.
She looked like her father; she has his smile I thought, "Truly it wasn't a problem in coming this early. Actually I think my nerves won't let me sleep. Let us hope that the Fates will grant us not too much of a hassle in the introduction of all this."
"Yes, yes it makes me wish I told her sooner but things happened and I decided not to for the best of her interests. But we better head on inside. It's a little cool this morning. Would you like anything to drink while I show you into the study," he asked heading toward the manor.
"Coffee to warm our bones, but I rather not ask anything else since your family must have just finished having breakfast. It would be a discomfort to your staff," as I followed him with Riff right behind me.
"Nonsense, I'll see you are properly well feed. It's rare that we have guests such as yourself among us. Besides my staff loves to serve, it is their calling occupation otherwise they won't be working in that position they hold now. Is it not so Dar'Khan," asked Sir Randwulf.
"Yes, very much, I very well indeed love serving my young master as an occupation and his companion," Riff spoke with his voice filled with pride and honor.
I couldn't help but smile at the faithfulness of Riff toward me and realized what nonsense I was thinking about him last night. As we walked toward the doors, I couldn't help but look more in depth at the structure. Whoever made it really considered nature as their inspiration. Entering the doors, we were awaited by more servants who took our hats, coats, and canes. Maids ran back to and fro bringing the manor to life and preparing it for its day long duties. Riff then handed me the briefcase and left with the butler to assist with the accommodations that Sir Randwulf suggested we should have. As we walked to the study, Sir Randwulf went ahead and gave a tour for what we could see along the way; then we took a right and landed into a spacious study room with very warm colored furnishings filled the room with its warmth. A comfortable sofa and arm chairs were set up in the study along with foot stools. The walls were lined with bookshelves filled with volumes of books; the room also had spacious windows on the left corner facing east with a large mahogany desk next to it. The fire place was on the south side gave warmth to room. Their study must be one of her favorite rooms in this house I thought. It was then Sir Randwulf offered me to sit down, while he went to go fetch his daughter.
The maids came in with the coffee, and two other trays, for me to drink as well as some snack like morsels. I ate little as I waited for them. I decided to immerse myself into one of the volumes along the wall instead yet it wasn't enough to calm my nerves. It wasn't long that I heard a pair of women's shoes along with a man's that's I turned from the books to the doorway. And there she stood waiting alongside her father, who looked just as nervous as I was. Mina didn't exactly take notice of me right away until she looked up from her bow in respect of my arrival that's when it got a bit messy. Her face fell practically to the floor from the surprise that her father had to hold her steady. She was trying to say something but nothing would come out so her father placed in her in a chair to stabilize her.
She looked stunning like the first day I saw her: she wore a dress of lavender with flowing sleeve cuffs that reach about half of her forearm. The dress was long and had a slight puffiness, threads pinned parts of the fabric cause something like pillows around the bottom to the hem of the dress. She wore black stockings and lavender low heels. The dress had a collar that rose up to the neck and was in the same fashion as the other one she wore, tied together with a purple ribbon and an amethyst brooch in the middle. Her hair was pulled back half way by a purple ribbon and the rest was left naturally to rest on her narrow shoulders, which covered her face which held the slightest hint of makeup such as mascara on her long curling lashes, eyeliner that magnified the outline of her eyes, the eye shadow that extended out the color of her eyes and the blush that brought color to her yet beautiful pale cheeks. Once her small delicate hands removed themselves for her temples, she spoke rather surprised and confused…
"You…but how is that possible? I just met you yesterday and you knew all of this? Father what is the meaning of this?" she asked quite offended. As for her father, from the look on his face he understood neither the look we shared between us nor our mishap that happened just the other day. I could also hear the mistrust in her voice which hit like a bullet to my heart.
"Daughter, you were engaged to him long before, at your birth. His father arranged this with many others; he was never there in every account. So even if you met yesterday, he didn't find out till he looked through his files. I didn't want to tell you were engaged to him since you had already chosen a suitor but since you bring news that you called off the engagement for reasons you have kept to your disposable…it is best if you at least give this gentleman a chance to prove himself worthy or of being considered worthy of your attention, it's not every so often that this happens. I want you to be happy but I respect your decision if you refuse in due respects," he said turning away from his daughter to me. "Cain I shall leave the explanation to you more so that you can tell her the details if she is willing to listen to you."
"If you mind I would like to speak to him in private, father; I know that you are a very busy man and wish to get back to work as soon as possible," she said finally lifting her head to anyone since she entered.
"Very well then I shall leave you two in private," and he left closing the door.
"I'm sorry if I sounded offended by this secret you've shared with my father but I'm not sure what to think of this so. If you please take seat once more and begin your tale so that I may understand you," she said looking at me with her beautiful eyes.
I took seat near the fire place and stared at the flame as I began, "My name isn't Count Cain of Hargreaves. My real name is Lucifer Arthan de Dimmu Borgir. I'm the son of Hades and Persephone. My grandmother is Demeter and my uncles are Poseidon and Zeus. My cousins are well you know the rest of Gods don't you? To prove it to you I'll show you the paper that proves my origins," and with a lift of my hands I summoned the documents from the briefcase in green fiery flames. I handed them to her who examined the paper but I suppose she would have trouble reading the ancient text, used by the Fates. And sure enough she returned it nodding in confusion.
"I can't believe I'm engaged to a God. Me…practically an ordinary mortal. I swear I must be dreaming," she said closing her eyes and opening them and found her in actual reality.
"Nothing is possible if you don't believe. I learned that in the quest my father sent me on. Fathers are so protective over their children. My father sent me to find a wife that I must love, out of one hundred and forty four thousand, it is the only way I can receive my inheritance. If not I shall be disowned. So far I found none," I said looking at her hopefulness in my eyes.
She looked at me for a moment, "Everyone's quest of love isn't easy I suppose not even for a son of a God like you. So what exactly does the contact say?"
"Well it says this quite simple; you are one of the select for eligibility in becoming my wife. Every candidate comes from a respectable family. The family must consent in the beginning in order for this to tie our families. After a certain age is reached a normal courtship of three months will commence if she agrees to the beginning terms of courtship and that she has no current commitment with any other suitor or any has emotions regarding that special person. If both of us are confident of the feelings we have then wedding arrangements will begin. The countess is not subjected to anything, since her rights were served in the beginning of this contract, so she here by may remove herself at any time if she doesn't feel like continuing the compact made at her birth. I don't like to force myself upon any one, so if you have any feelings for your ex-fiancé I understand if you reject this offer," I said struggling to hide the disappointment in my voice.
She looked down at her hands for a moment in thought, "I really wish I could fully accept your offer but I can't…it because of what happened in my last relationship that binds me. I haven't even told my father the truth. It embarrasses me to say…I think I've said too much to you already," she managed to say looking as if she were to fall apart all over again like when first met. I couldn't bare it. It broke my heart to see her that way.
I took her hands in mine and kneeled beside her, allowing her to gaze into my eyes, "It's alright. Whatever he has done it's all over now. Don't blame yourself for it. Whatever he did to you was he's doing not yours that cause this, something in my heart tells me it." I squeezed her hands to her assure her, she was so close to tears but she held them back at my grip; she spoke softly in reply.
"I really want to tell you I really do but I fear that I'm might choke on my emotions before I actually want to say it. I really want to give you a chance to allow myself to heal, to give you a chance in finding a wife in me, a chance to learn what love is…," she said looking away at the fire.
I saw the tray of drinks and poured her a glass of red wine to help her dry throat. She drank a little but it was enough to allow me enter her mind so that I could scurry in her memories to find out what happened. Of course she had to allow me to do so.
"Dream of Day. Clarity so that eyes can see. Bridge of Bone. Mina with an open heart and mind do you grant me passage," I asked as I place my fingers on her forehead causing her eyes to fluttering in sleepiness. The minute her eyes closed a jolt when through every fiber of my being; her emotions, her thoughts, exact breaths she took of air, everything she saw through her eyes I felt and saw them with her.
Mina's eyes became glazed to the sound of voice and nodded.
"When did all it start, when did things go wrong with Lancelot," I asked as she stood up turning to face me.
"We were invited to a party, and Lancelot tried to force me to give myself to him I refused. He left furious and I was left to go home unaccompanied," she said calmly.
"Then what else happened," I asked walking around her.
"He proposed to meet again. I accepted of course in hopes of reconcile. Yesterday was our day of meeting."
"Where did you meet him," I asked looking into her glazed eyes.
"He never arrived. He usually gets drunk if he doesn't have enough work so I went to the inn he stays at mostly," she said her voice beginning to show some struggle.
"What happened when you arrived? Take it slowly as long as you need, I'm right here," I told her now stationing behind her.
"I got the spare key and when to his room. I arrived a little longer than usual due to distractions of the outside. When I got there I knocked, no answer. I knocked again, still no answer. I checked the doorknob it was locked. I unlocked it and called again, still no answer. I went inside and called again still no answer. When I walked in the living room, it was extremely messy, that's when I-I heard noises like muffled voices and movement in the bed room. As I got to the bedroom door I heard…I heard-," her voice cut her swallow was dry.
"What did you hear," I asked, giving her more wine to drink.
After taking a sip she began again, "I heard muffled moans of…pleasure…" she stopped her eyes began to water heavily again.
I coaxed her to take her time to speak and to try again, "I grabbed the doorknob, I turned it slowly, and I saw what was in the room."
"What did you see Mina," I asked I knew it wasn't long before I found out the truth of what happened that day and why she was so heartbroken by him.
"Lancelot…with another woman, G-Guinevere. His room was complete mess; she was…practically naked, he-he cheated on me! He didn't even now I was there. He never loved me ever, ever, ever. I'm so stupid how I could ever love someone like him. He probably did it before more than once. He probably only wanted my money and my virginity," she said chocking in angry and pain. Her tears over flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. The glimmering spell of magic was broken by the surge of emotions.
I held her in my arms, burying my face into her hair lovely smelling hair. I whispered comforts to her in her ears. I turned to her face and wiped her tears away held them in hand and made them into diamonds. I then took her hand in mine and gave them to her.
"You have more worth then you believe. Leave him behind and the emotions you have with him, bury them. He never valued you for you. Let me heal the wounds of your heart, with love I'm willing to give, let it give life to your dying heart. Let me treat you like the woman you are. Let the diamonds in your hands be the sign of my oath upon your heart," I said closing her hands and kissing it.
"I-I don't know what to say," she said looking at me with admiration, hope, and confusion.
"You don't have to answer. Whenever you feel you are ready to take the oath of the courtship, you may sign it. You may also choose the date of which to begin. Like I said I don't want to rush you into something you don't want," I said picking up the contract from the wine table.
"I'll sign it," she said suddenly while looking at the diamonds that were her tears.
"Is this what you want," I asked her wiping the rest of her tears with my hands. Her face was warm like a pink rose basking in the sun.
"You've shown me, that there is a chance that I can love again. Maybe I never really loved him at all. Please let me sign it," she asked grabbing a hold of my hand that held the papers. The minute her hand touched mine, a wave of heat surged through me. Who am I to deny what decision she has made?
As I set the papers down and pointed where to sign it I gave her the pen and the ink well and in beautiful flowing hand script she wrote her name in the rainbow magic ink. The ink dried instantly into a purple confirming it was sealed.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have allowed you to see me like that. I hope you wouldn't mind that I postpone when the courtship commences," she asked making herself ready to take her leave.
"No, not at all my Lady. It's completely understandable. Shall I tell your father that he can re-enter the room," I asked putting the things away into the briefcase.
"Yes, I suppose. Well good day my Lord, I have other matters to attend to now. Please make yourself at home and as family with my mother and sister if you see them," and with she left the room and her father re-entered along with Riff.
"How did things turn out with my youngest daughter," Sir Randwulf quite curious, anxious, and somewhat reviled at the state of her departure.
"She agreed though she hasn't exactly confronted as to when to commence the courtship. Though I'm not exactly in the rush, I don't think its right to push her any further after all she's been though," I said.
"Excellent, doesn't that mean you wouldn't mind meeting the rest of my family by staying for brunch," he asked beckoning his family to come in to the room.
His wife, Adriana was a fine youthful looking woman; she dresses in a teal blue dress in a similar fashion that Mina. It was quite a refreshing colored dress both playful due to its splash of color and conservative. His eldest daughter, Isabel, was quite an outgoing spirited woman she wore a red dress that beckoned for attention. She was what I would call –in the lasts style of fashion, with her hair well done in spiraling curls, her face was decored with a little more makeup and jewelry. They both politely introduced themselves and me to them.
"It such an honor to meet you Count Cain, I mean Lord Dimmu Borgir," said Isabel quite cheerfully.
"The pleasure is mine, into meeting such fine ladies all in on a beautiful day like this," I replied bowing to Mina's mother.
'Yes, it such a nice day. I hope my daughter has made you hopeful in accepting you," she said giving a courteous smile.
"I should be thanking you in offering me such a wonderfully educated and beautiful young lady of whom to court," I said.
She blushed, "Why thank you, I'm grateful to have two beautiful daughters of whom to take care of me. I hope that she will bring you such happiness just as much as Isabel and her engagement to Sir Beowulf," she replied eyeing her daughter proudly.
"Yes, quite right. Isabel is engaged to Sir Beowulf, next week will be her engagement party. You are very much invited along with Riff, if would like to attend the event," said Sir Randwulf openly.
"I'm be happy to, it been awhile since I've been to a party," I said thankful towards them. "I'm assuming you must make your fiancé a very happy man, with your cheerfulness. Everyone always needs someone to cheer them up once in a while."
"Oh you're too kind in words, my Lord, but I thank you I'm very glad that he proposed to me as his wife. I'm very sure that my sister will do the same and the best of intentions be bestowed upon your courtship," she said raising her hand.
"Hear, hear," they Randwulf family shouted.
I smiled politely and continued a little longer in the conversation until I could no longer stay any longer. For me and Riff had to get back to Pandemonium to tell my mother and father the good news. But I truly never thought that it would come to all this, that my prayers would actually be answered. To finally have someone who may give me everything I never could have imaged and more and at the same time fulfill my father's dream and give him rightful respect he deserved. And to show the woman who made an impression on me that she's truly someone important and that she can learn to love all over again and for her to have faith in herself.
Diary Entry # _14_
Starling Manor, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 10, 1793
I feel the need to write again for drastic things have happened in such short of a time. Yesterday I could only dream of having a man like Count Cain as my fiancé but as of now it has been practically made into reality. Truth be known I was betrothed to the man at my birth, whom I have the chance of meeting, and yet never even knew up till now. My head is swimming only further and further into confusion after what had just happened between me and him…I don't know exactly what he did to me but he put me almost in a dream like state and slowly led me into the moment that Lancelot betrayed me. I feel as if I was borrowing his strength to tell him what happened, a truth I couldn't even tell to my father, a man I trust with all my heart. Yet I confessed to a man I barely even know…thus, now I practically feel vulnerable. How could I allow myself to become so weak in front of him? It was like being naked in front of him even at the thought of this my cheeks burn with embarrassment.
Well maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself it is understandable that one can't with stand the burdens of a betrayal such as his alone. Lucifer was only trying to help me surpass the first step, that it wasn't truly my fault that it's Lancelot's fault for not valuing me properly. Yet what strikes me so is the sensibility that Lucifer can go to understanding me. He truly is gentleman, a women's dream man. Yet I'm not sure still or why would a man of his caliber, a God, be interested in a woman like me. I can't deny this feeling that lies within my heart when I am with him, even more so as our bodies where pressed in embrace, his voice of comfort still brings calmness to my soul. This feeling is much too strong for me to even control it like an entire different entity on its own. I beginning to see that this feeling is something far different then sexual arousal it's something far more than a person can exactly describe on paper in a personal diary or even a dictionary. It maybe that this very force, that has sparked within me just now as he converted my tears into diamonds in my very hands, is the force that has driven his interest in me.
I hate to leave an entry such as this one very short and especially deep thoughts but I have other obligations to get through today maybe at a later time tonight I may have this chance to write some more about my day.
It was about mid afternoon when I took the pleasure of having a nice of cup of tea, when my sister, Isabel, approached me with another cup in hand and sat down to talk. I eyed her curiously for she studied me long and hard.
"Whatever is the matter?" I asked her, as I set down my tea cup on its saucer.
"Actually I was trying to see if that dress I saw at the dress shop would fit nicely on you for the day of my engagement party," she said twirling her long curling hair between her fingers. I knew the minute she did this she either was planning to do something I wouldn't like or had already planned and was going to tell before the torture began.
"A dress, whatever one earth for, you know very well I'm not a type of person quite suitable for a party, such as your engagement party. Do you remember the last time I attended a party of such caliber? I'm not going to it not so I can embarrass myself again," the thought of it made my heart sink in dread. I felt my cheeks become hot at the remembrance.
"Oh come on, seriously you haven't forgiven yourself of an embarrassing moment you went through during coming of age? Now I know it must have been embarrassing but you're going to have to get over it or you'll never get a chance to prove yourself to that handsome Count."
"Well, I have managed or have you forgotten who've I just dated?"
"Yes, yes I know Lancelot du Lac, but it was I who had to help you get together. Lord knows how shy and reserved you are. You might as well become a librarian or better yet a nun. But I rest assure you'll do fine; you're not exactly clumsy anymore. You are a quite refined woman who is an excellent horse rider, is quite lovely if you fixed yourself up properly, who happens accidentally run into a God," she finally getting up from her chair and gave me a taunting pose.
"Who told you that," I said getting quite flustered at what my sister was trying to get at.
"Maud, of course she saw the entire thing from beginning to finish of what happened yesterday. At least your occasional clumsiness serves for something. And I can't believe you didn't tell me anything, how could keep such a thing like from me your own sister," she kneeling down to clasp my hands.
"Well for one thing, you're quite a gossiper and the other I didn't know what to make of it," I said tossing her a cushion.
"Hey, I'm not a gossiper, I just love to hear about how people are fairing," she said taking away her hands to defend herself.
"Oh really, yes I know I have been to parties with Lancelot but I just want to have time to think about things clearing I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I want to accept him but I want to wait until the proper time," I said looking down at my hands that once held my diamond tears.
"I understand I'm sorry if I seemed inconsiderate of your feelings. But I'm telling you have to hurry in your answer for a guy like can't wait forever not with such heavy weight price on his shoulders. Father told me what his mission is and its quite serious but even as serious as it is he has given you time to think about it. If he wasn't interested you he would have let you slide by like a piece of paper but he didn't. All I'm asking of you is at least attend the party as a starter, to break the ice around your heart, to get to know each other as friends, that's all, but also as a way of forgiving him for running him down the other day," she looking at me sincerely in the eyes.
"I suppose if you put it that way, but try not to plan anything else between us do you hear," I said threatening her playfully.
"I promise I will not plan anything else, but will you at least consider the dress, that might work out for you," she said finally getting up from her knees and heading toward the door.
"I'll consider the dress as long as it's not revealing, and it the day of the party I shall consider his proposal," I said and reached for my tea cup.
"Oh come on there's nothing with showing just a little bit, you want to impress him don't you," she said pouting at the door way.
"Not in that fashion I don't, besides I determine at what speed this relationship shall go," I told her taking another sip of my tea.
"Alright as you wish my lady. Oh yes and by the way it's going to be masquerade ball, the invitations are sent so there's no changing the theme," and with that she quickly departed the room before I could call back after her.
A masquerade ball, well at least if I blush he'll probably notice a little and if everyone wearing masks no one will recognize me right away so if I doing something foolish I have a chance to slip away. But that also means that I wouldn't be able to recognize the other guests, I seriously don't wish to see Lancelot and Guinevere showing up together unannounced. Somehow even though I have things sorted out with my sister about the party; my heart is restless and aching at the thought of might seeing Lancelot and Guinevere together again and the unsurely position between my feelings for Lancelot and Lucifer. Oh great goddess Athena, great patron of our city, please guide my heart and mind with wisdom making my decision the correct one for me.
Diary Entry # _15_
Starling Manor, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 25, 1793
It's been fifteen days since my last entry; I didn't exactly have time to write in my diary of my daily adventures as you might say. So I shall inform you of what has happened. For the past few days I have been helping my sister and mother in the arrangements in finalizing the outlook of the party. The masquerade decorations are simply divine, there were in the latest gothic style for the upcoming season. I've seen so many shades of red wine, deep blue, and purple. My sister had brought all the latest art work of elves in the gothic sec to come forth to display their craftsmanship on display at the party. I hope that all the workers that helped us put this party together feel just as proud and rewarded for their hard work and enjoy themselves at the party.
Even though the party is set in the gothic style the masquerade theme its self isn't modern it's actually thirteen or fourteenth century Venice style. My sister wishes for this style for it is her dream to have a honeymoon in Venice, Italy or Sicily. I think it's a very romance place for her to have a honeymoon, to lulled to sleep by sound the calming waves and basking under the glow of the full moon. I wish that if I ever were to marry that I would like to have a honeymoon in a place where I can be alone enjoying being in private with the man I love, if I were to be exact about which city I would have to say Rome or Venice.
But going back to the preparations of my sister's engagement party, it wasn't but two days ago that my sister led me to the dress shop that she had mentioned to me. The dresses where from all over the world, from London, England, New Delhi, India, even from Venice, Italy. Instinctively my sister went to the dresses that came from Venice; while I pondered over the dresses from London. My fingers skimmed through the fabric of the dresses until unnoticing that my fingers had stopped over dressed that was emerald golden green, with hit of blue and purple.
"Emerald golden green," I muttered in a whisper without my notice.
"Why these dress has the colors of a male peacock tail feathers," said my mother who had notice my attraction.
"That very dress madam was inspired one of most renowned designer when he came back from a trip to China," said the salesclerk.
" Interested in that colored dress, Mina," said my mother.
"The colors are very beautiful mother, but they just reminded me of something," I said putting away the dress.
"Or someone isn't that right Mina? That dress has the exact same color of his eyes," said Isabel pulling the dress out compared aside my body.
"Ah, Lord Cain, I presume. Yes he does have an exotic eye color, emerald golden green, did you say Mina," asked my mother taking the dress in her hands and giving it to the salesclerk.
"Yes but I was thinking of another color such a purple or even a bright red," I said looking away from my sister's glaring stare.
"I think those colors do match your fair skin sister but I truly wish to see you in that dress we've just seen right now," she said as pulled out a deep amethyst purple and fiery crimson colored dress.
"My, I have to say you have such impeccable taste Lady Isabella when comes to choosing evening gowns," said the salesclerk.
"I have to agree all the dress she has chosen for you Mina, fit you magnificently," replied my mother.
"Have you've chosen the one you wish to buy Lady Mina or would like to buy them all for a discounted bundle price," said the salesclerk who stare at me intentionally.
"I can't decide between them all-there all so very nicely made and are such in lovely shades of color. What about blue or golden or even silver," I asked him.
"Well, gold and silver are very hard to come by you see; dresses such as those require the actual metal to give its lustrous color. Only the high elves or goddess can afford such. But I do have a blue and amber colored dress which is close enough to bronze," he said looking through the rack of dresses.
"If you find the blue add it to the few dresses she has interest in. We're going to buy them all just for further engagements if they happened to pop up in the next few days," my sister replied to him after he had found the blue dress I have asked.
"Surely sister you don't mean to buy them all, I don't need that many dresses I have plenty of dresses at home," I said interrupting her.
"Trust me you'll need them if you want to impress him by being a newly refined modern woman. Plus it also shows that Lancelot simply wasn't good enough to have you. Since Cain is a Count they probably will think that he bought you the dresses instead of father," she said. "Besides it truly bring out your figure and if a handsome man is in his finest then so should you for it brings out the best qualities from the both of you," finishing the debate of whether or not I should buy them all.
"The truth is that I don't want to bring unwanted attention toward me at the party. Surely everyone by now has heard that Lancelot and I have had our engagement canceled," I said warily.
"Believe me; no one will recognize you when I'm finished with you. You'll be one of the most wanted by all the gentlemen there and as long as you keep your composure and be yourself around the Count everything will be fine. Not to mention the jealousy you'll cause with the ladies who seek Cain out, but nevertheless you'll be the talk of the moment besides me and all. It one of those moments that all Ladies must face one way or another," she said finishing our time in the shop by purchasing the dresses.
"What your sister says is true Mina, I had trouble in my younger days with these sorts of things regarding courtships but everything will be fine. Being yourself and concentrating on being a Lady you've been training for all your life shall now be put to the test. You shall do fine for I have taught you everything I know but if there is something to go a miss it can be corrected or do in all time forgotten. Plus I rest assure you that Cain will be by your side to subdue the rising tension amongst the ladies and gentlemen if need be as well as Dar'Khan," said my mother taking my hand and squeezing it for reassurance.
"Alright then, I believe you have made your point well enough. Now I believe we should continue on with other matters regarding the party," I said ready to take leave.
"Speaking of which I think we're going to have to restock on our toiletries. When considering large gatherings of people one must always be flawless along the lines of perfumes and makeup," replied my mother signaling the driver of our carriage to handle the bought items.
"So what is it exactly are you planning to do your makeup sister, I might as well ask about your hair and accessories," asked Isabel, who began to getting into the carriage.
"I haven't really thought of it yet Isabel but you could say that it shall be quite simple; I dislike time consuming ordeals, it not like I'm going to get married," I said climbing into the carriage after her.
She laughed, "That's, true you're not just yet, but I'm guessing a simple wave put large loose curls shall fit you quite nicely and leaving your bangs straight as they are. What do you think of it mother," she asked as she watched mother get into the carriage.
"I think it would look lovely but tight bouncy curls on the ends with the rest being straight are just as nice on her also," she said signaling the driver again to depart.
"Maybe it is best to test them both at home to see which is best for the dress I'm going to wear. And to buy all the makeup that matches each dress and will all sort out at home where we can be relaxed instead of pressured," I replied.
"Yes, I believe that will be good for all of us. Take us to the nearest beauty supply shop and shoes store and head on back home once were finished. We shall be done for the day," replied Isabel sitting back comfortable in her seat. While I stared out the window terrified of what to become of me on the day of the party.
And now as I write to you, my dear diary, I continue to stare at the things we've bought today with a sense of nervousness, anxiety, and excitement; and with the party only two days away I feel the tension building up inside me. Thus feelings remind me of a song that I sung long ago at the dreams of being Lancelot's bride now I hope that this song flowing through my mind can bring good tidings from Aphrodite. But nevertheless I must end now this day's portion of writing to allow my body and mind to rest for the upcoming event, that I'm still not ready for and never will be and so that I may allow my thoughts in giving Lucifer a chance at my heart to heal the wound that Lancelot probably never would be able to heal. May the Gods watch over me as I sleep tonight.
Diary Entry # _16_
Starling Manor, Nighthaven Prefecture, Athens, Greece
March 27, 1793
You're probablywondering if I slept well that night when I last wrote; in a way, yes I slept better than many other nights. But as for my emotional health today I'm practically swimming out of control. The fact that I'm going to see him again sent my heart speeding away from me. I barely even taken notice of anything I did today. I robotically somehow manage to do the things I normally do on a normal day. But as the day wore on and approached to high noon I knew that things were going to change drastically for the better or the worse. Yet even with all these raging emotions rambling inside me I can't help but feel happy for my sister today as it is one of her days well besides the day of her actual wedding. Even with my special happiness for her it can only be demolished slightly by the unknowness of her planning against me in getting ready for the party just a few hours away.
I believe that writing in my diary shall help me calm my nerves but I know that I can't hide forever that sooner or later I must face my fears and the challenge that is set before me. I pray that the Gods give me strength to overcome this feat. But as I write in this diary and doing so a silent prayer to the Gods and yet I can't help myself in wondering how Lucifer is doing or feeling.
Well I must now leave you now diary for I believe my sister and mother are at the door. It is time for me to face my fate, and the first thing to combat is the my transformation from being a normal mortal high class lady into a goddess fit for a god and hope that I will be able to still live through this night unharmed by the jealous harpies and warriors from lands afar who as well come to seek my hand.
At last I am alone again but not for long the guests are not very far from arriving. Like I had left off in that last paragraph I had been right in who was at the door. Indeed their stood my sister Isabella and my mother who were already partially dress. My mother came around and pulled out the boxes of makeup and jewelry. While sister came to the fireplace with the curling iron and set it down so it could beginning heating up. Curling hair was one of those things that took forever, maids came in with all of the dresses and shoes that we had bought days before on a moving rack. Other maids came in to prepare the bathing chamber for me. All that was left was me to begin the long and rush full process. So while my sister was planning what to with me; I went on ahead and to a much needed and quite relaxing sponge bath and soaked in rose water for just a bit. The minute I came out I was handed the proper undergarments for the dress all was left was to tighten the corset, which I wasn't handed due to the fact I hadn't chose which colored dress to wear.
So as I set out to the dress landing behind a paper wall screen, I turned to face my sister, who was eyeing my hair, face, and womanly figure still finally gave out a simple sigh and said, "What will it be Mina? Which colored dress will you choose? This time you have to make a choice because your time has just about run out."
"Well I have come to the decision…even though I very much like the amethyst colored dress, since purple is my favorite color, I have decided to go with emerald golden green to complement the prince's striking eye color as a sign of favor with him," I said nervously as if he were standing before me.
My mother looked at me with kindly, "You've made an excellent choice my dear, I've would have done the same if I were in your position; besides the color complements your amethyst colored eyes. Plus I doubt that anyone else will have the same colored dress you shall be wearing tonight."
"I would have to agree with mother, Mina; you shall look like a true exotic goddess with such a color. All that I ask for is that the goddess Aphrodite may lead a hand in doing such a task," she said looking at the ceiling of my room. "Alright then let's begin."
And with those being spoken I was handed the proper under corset, which was tightened to the proper degree so that I was not suffocating in it or have my to cleavage bursting out through the top like other women at the court, who I would very much like to say looked like whores of the streets. The second step was to put on the dress and the outer corset that was not to tight but to be placed to ensure proper support for the breasts, conjuration of the figure of the body and give more flow to the bottom portion of the dress. After the dress was fitted on me properly and the matching corset was in place, I then went about to stand on a stood in front a full body mirror so that if the dress need to be tailored to correct any mishap in the fabric. It was then after the last stitch was threaded that my sister came fingering through my hair to see if it was dry enough and then lifted my chin up slightly to get a better angle. Her hand slowly departed from my face and she instantly walked toward the curling iron.
"It's time we do your hair that way we can fix it while we do your makeup at the same time. If you would please take a sit and we shall beginning the most difficult part of this process. Working against us will only cause further delays and were wouldn't want that now would we?"
"No we wouldn't," I said submitting myself at last to her will. And I sat in a chair next to the makeup stand and watch my sister come behind me with the curling iron and comb in the other hand. With a deep breath I allowed my sister to work. I was forced to have her work on my hair with my eyes closed for she said it would ruin the surprise of how awfully good she was at doing miracle makeover which I thought was quite ridiculous. But not wanting to cross her I did what she asked of me and the moment of truth has come, she at last put down the curling iron after tugging out the tangles in my hair and pulling my head this and that it finally came to a stop. When she at last said, "You can open your eyes now just so you known how you look like with your hair fixed and no makeup on you yet."
I slowly opened my eyes and saw what my sister had done, she had put my hair into two parts the top part was put into a half pony tail having the hair pulled back and on the sides we two continuous curled braided from the crown of my head to the back were all the hair in the top portion was tied by a golden accented emerald butterfly hair clip, which was one the piece exclusively bought for the dress. The rest of my hair was loose amongst my back and shoulders in beautiful flowing elegant curls that were in medium size along with small thin strands unraveled curls throughout the curls.
"So what do think Mina? Do think this hairstyle suits you," my sister asked me, very proud of her work.
"Yes quite so it brings out the shape of my face and the v-shaped lining made by the dress's v-cut neckline," I said breathing a sigh of relief that my hairstyle came out well all that was left for me to stand by idly to my makeup procession.
"Well there's not much time left now, so I'm going have to go ahead and get started on your makeup," she said and she handed a glass jar of ivory colored foundation and a foundation makeup brush.
Once again I closed my eyes again, the only thing I could sense was my sister's cool touch on my face as she began to dab a little foundation under my eyes and then smoothing it out with her finger. After that came foundation that was brushed on my face all except for around my mouth or my eye lids. It was soon followed by an application of a snow white sliver blush on my cheeks, followed by putting a gold eye shadow on my eye lid then followed by an emerald green eye shadow from the rest of my eye to the brow line. Lastly a lip gloss looking like lip stick in the color of a transitional violet was applied to my lips. It was then that I was instructed again to open my eyes.
"Well I believe you sister did an extraordinary job in helping you get ready my dear," said my mother, who earlier had sat down on my bed, she looked at me with an extreme look of awe.
"Now ladies what have do you think," my sister asked the maidens.
"She looks like very rare colored rose," said one.
"Winged nymph fallen from Mt. Olympus," said another.
"A goddess fit for a god," they all said in unison.
I could help smile at their kind words, surely, I knew there were women far more beautiful then I but tonight I could help but feel like I was now one of them. "Thank you all for helping me get ready tonight," I said taking my sister's hand and squeezed it.
"Now for the final touches, the jewelry boxes please," and one of the maids closest to her handed them to her. "I was going to tell that all these jewelry boxes I didn't buy them. It was Lord Dimmu Borgir who bought them," she said smiling at shocked expression.
"All of them, I muttered they much cost a fortune, I can't accept them all," I said looking at each of the sets.
"Each one of them is a gift, this something you can't reject them besides I told him I wasn't going to allow it. Now come on choose one of these so we can go ahead and start greeting the incoming guests," said my sister.
I bit my lower lip, all of them were so precious; his thoughts were of me in each and every one of them how am I going to live with this guilt for not getting him anything. One of the sets he must have gotten at an elfish jeweler for it the main center piece was a star. The earrings were stars; the star was a star outline made up of tiny emeralds with descending vertical rows of emeralds and in the middle of star was a medium size emerald. The necklace was starting off as a yellow gold chain which then led to strand of tiny emeralds, which then transitioned into two strands on both sides that swirl inward with its curling end pointing outward. In the middle was a large star design, a replica of that of the earrings. The next was simply a golden serpent coiled in an unusual way with a shiny transient black stone, which rippled in different colors from the warm colors of autumn to the cool colors of winter. A wrath stone, those only found in the underworld, in its own way it was quite beautiful a lure from the darkness…from my prince of death. The snake itself was wrapped around vines of rose thorns and roses. The earrings were ebony chains with rose thorns and a snake intertwining with each other, the ends of the earring were of the snake opening its mouth holding a wrath stone with a small rose trapped inside.
The snake was one of the symbols that are used by Lord Hades and Medusa and her sister, Euryale. But I thought I saw a skull ring with snakes intertwined the eye sockets on his hand the last we met. Yet I'm unsure of the meaning of giving me such a jewelry set.
"Don't be frighten by receiving such a dark magic piece of jewelry," said my mother. "After all your possible consort is the prince of death. But I'm sure there is another meaning behind. Maybe it is something you can discuss between yourself at the party. That is if it is your choice."
"I suppose mother, I choose the Medusa's Serpent pendant as my choice of jewelry," I told my sister taking the jewelry from its corresponding boxes. In an instant I put on the earrings and had my sister help me clasp the necklace. Lastly I sprayed on my perfumes of roses and orchids on my neck, at the back of my ears, and on my wrists and a little around my hair and clothes. And with that I stood up from the chair and looked at myself fully. It was then that the maids began putting everything away and departed heading down stairs to attend the guests which I could hear when they opened the door. My mother and sister stayed a little longer, watching me putting on my heels. It after this that my mother approached me, "I never could have been prouder to have a daughter like you, as to be so strong in whatever that was to caused you to separate from Lancelot. It wasn't like I would never support you daughter I knew you loved him very much, but he was never meant for you. I hope you make the right decision tonight in choosing Lucifer." And with that she hugged me tightly and left heading down the stairs to attend the guests like maids before. My sister stood there for awhile a thought a moment or two before saying anything. "I know it must have been hard for you to say goodbye to Lancelot, and even though I never had the same experiences as you, I hope that you can trust me as a sister to help you get through, anything you might need with anything regarding relationships or anything else. Because I am your sister that what we're here for right." I couldn't help laugh but with her, and I was afraid of crying and ruining my makeup but I didn't instead I replied, "Yes that is why we are sisters, and I hope you enjoy this day because it is all about you and your engagement to your husband and may you be very happy and enjoy yourself out there." And I hugged her tightly she replied simply in her usual way, "It's not just me who gets a chance to shine its yours too and get out there as show them what your made of and if Lancelot ever shows up with that big boobs in your face, Guinevere, you can punch in the nose, kick him in the groins, slap Guinevere off a bar stool and your all set." I could help but laugh till my sides ached and I until I could hardly breath. "I surely will, no seriously I'll just ignore them. I'm already have enough as it is," and with that begin said she left the room.
It was during that small gap of time left that I write to you now diary but now I can no longer hide in the four walls of my room, for they call at the door. It is now or never, I hope that the Gods will answer my prayer and make sure everything goes well for me and for my sister. Wish me luck dear diary!