"I love you," I said. You looked up from your book with a confused look. It's not that you didn't hear me. No, not that. But you just couldn't believe it. I know you, more than anyone else. And one part of you that I know is that you will never believe me if I say those three words. Even with all of my heart.
As you stared deeply into my eyes, you slowly smiled. You mouthed "Thank you." That wasn't enough. I want you to say it back. Because I know you so much that even if one my best friends say that they love you, the reply would still be the same—"Thank you." I didn't tell you this because it's one of the things I shouldn't do. Being the sensitive princess you are, you'd sulk. You never show it. Ever. But I know you. Even after only a few months being with you, I had memorized every of your body language. Every time you sulk, you'd turn your head away and stare into the distance, at the same time resisting your brows from making that sad expression.
I stroke your head. You loved it, you once said. I love how you'd lean towards me for more. You're so sensitive, so—fragile. I love it. I love every part of you. But with great love comes great jealousy. I hated how you'd give the same reaction when your friends do it. I saw it. I'm not going to lie but, you never make me feel special. But, you made me feel wanted. But I'm full of jealousy. I saw you when you were yawning, bored out of the teacher's rambles, you put your head on your friend's shoulder. She didn't flinch and acted as if it's nothing, as if she's used to it. I frowned at the thought. Obviously, you've put your head on her shoulder countless times before.
Smile. You have the most beautiful smile in the world. But that's the smile I always see, the one that you always give to your friends. The way your eyes twinkled and shone. Teeth showing, making the smile a true one, one that came from your heart. I don't like that.
When you're weird. When you've lost your head or gone eccentric—you'd sing I'm a Little Teapot or do that weird dance of yours. Most of the time, you'd do those things in class, because the teachers drive you crazy, obviously. But your friends get to see it more than I do. That's because they're your classmates while I'm a guy who's a year older than you who sits at the back of the class, completely ignored by my so-called friends. Why do teachers do that? Calling our classmates our friends?
There's one thing we have in common—books. Yes, I'm a bibliophile and a bookworm. You have the biggest library I've ever seen, not as big as mine though, but still. You and I are both potterheads and we both hated Twilight. I read what people these days read while you like to keep Roald Dahl with you. And Jane Austen. And also Charles Dickens.
But that wasn't enough. Sure, there's a lot we have in common. But I don't want to share you. I want you to go back to the way you were in kindergarten. A quiet, loner of a girl who prefers to keep herself to herself.
I snapped myself out of my daydream. I did not just zoned out during Science! Well, teacher's boring, anyways.
"Dude, hey. You get this? Cuz I need your explanation more than this bitch's here." Wilson said.
I just gave him a slow smile while shaking my head (one I wished you'd do to your friends.) "Not really. But we can come over to my house to revise."
Shoot! Wished I could take back what I said. I want you to come to house—talk about just how awesome Severus Snape is. And how he deserved Lily far better than James Potter.
"Sure, bro." He grinned at me. He reminded me a lot of you. Being so passionate over small things. I glanced at my watch, only half an hour of hell left. I zoned out… again.
Secrets. You'd share them with anyone. Even people who aren't really close to you. Hell, you'd tell your secrets to the first person you see! Which is one of the reasons why I prayed every night that I'm always the first one to greet you at school. Unlike you, I kept it to myself. I only share it with you, because that's just how special you are to me.
Thinking about this has finally unlocked the cage of the green-eyed monster. I remembered… I remembered how at recess I greeted you while you were grinning at your friends. I fastened up my pace at you. Calmly, I said, "I want a moment with you." You blushed. It eased the envy at the moment, before I realized that even your friends had seen you blushed.
I yanked your wrist and pulled you into the first Boys' Room. "Everybody get the fuck out!" I yelled. I remembered most of the boys left except for one. I came up to him and held his collar before throwing him out. Somewhere at a corner, you looked terrified. I smirked at this. I realized that one thing I could have from you that would never be anyone else's. Fear.
Your fear is like a blood to a vampire. Sick—yet pleasuring.
I remembered pinning you on the wall before I forced my lips on yours. "Mine," I growled. Wow, that was a bit inhuman. You whimpered. I smirked. This whimper of yours—is mine. Under me, you were shaking, and I could feel the hot tears against my own cheeks as you cried. You sobbed. I smiled again, you never cried in front of anyone, not even your family.
I took a deep breath before letting my brain to function again. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." I said truthfully. Somehow you understood this. You understood what I really meant from my actions, because you relaxed. A sad smile on your face. I never felt more guilty in my life. I avoided your eyes, ashamed of what I've done. "I love you," I whispered. And for the first time, you said something different. Something besides "Thank You."
You cupped my face and pulled me down and said, "I love you, too." I smiled and I remembered how I
could never been happier in my whole life.