This chapter is written from Lauren's point of view.
I still remember that day as clear as if it was yesterday, which it isn't. Many months have passed and yet I am still stuck thinking about that day, everyday…
I woke up at usual school time and I found a letter addressed to me, which was strange because I never got letters. I started reading and realised that it was from Katherine and she was really upset and really struggling with the way that her life was. As I read it, I also realised that this was Katherine's way of saying goodbye without actual verbal communication. As I thought about everything, I wondered when the letter had been written and when it had been delivered.
I didn't know when she was planning but it was obviously some time quite soon because of the letter. No date or time had been mentioned but I knew that it had to be some time soon. The note wasn't part of planning in advance; it was goodbye for now or very soon.
I looked at the calendar and the date suddenly meant something, it related to other problems that Katherine had dealt with in the past. She wasn't going to do it at some other time, it was today and she might make herself free from this life, but she was leaving us with so much to deal with. I didn't want any more burdens; I have enough of my own. I just had to hope that she would survive whatever she was planning to do to herself. Somehow, I doubted that things would quite work out in the way that I wanted them to and that the ultimate outcome would be what Katherine wanted.
That morning: I finished my breakfast, put on my uniform and left early, heading towards Katherine's house as fast as I could. No-one was in sight, least of all Katherine, so I went to the shop and slowly headed to school because I was early. Better to be early that late I guess; now I just had to wait until Katherine arrived… I would be waiting for a very long time.
The bell went and everyone went to form but I was still waiting for Katherine. I saw Dan in the corridor and asked him if he knew where she was. He said that maybe she had a problem and would come as soon as she could, but I could see the worry written all over his face. He didn't say much but I guessed that he was worried about Katherine too, I was right. We didn't say anything after that, we just went to form together, thinking about Katherine and hoping in our hearts that nothing had or would happen to her. I felt sick with worry and I left class to get some fresh air, it didn't really help, I needed to see Katherine and to know that she was ok. But I couldn't. I sat outside feeling miserable and really ill and just hoping that she wasn't already dead. But something told me that it was all too late.
By the time that I went back to class, Dan wasn't there; he had been too disruptive, which wasn't normal. I needed him to talk to but instead I found Frankie and a desk at the back of the room. I sat there quietly, worrying and taking nothing in whatsoever. I just sat there thinking without talking, hoping in my heart but knowing that it was all too late. At 11am, we went out to break and I saw policemen crossing the school grounds. Everyone was starting to pour out of lessons but the police continued onwards to the Head's office. I wanted to know what was going on, but I couldn't move. It was like I was frozen to the spot where I stood.
I saw everything and everyone going by and yet I just stood there until Frankie appeared and led me away. Once we were outside and the crowds were doing their own things, she gave me a hug and we sat on the wall. She knew about Katherine and she thought the same kinds of things, but she managed to hold it all together a lot better than me. But then again, Frankie is a much stronger person than I am. I wondered how many people Katherine had told about what she was going to do, probably quite a few, but I couldn't be 100% certain.
I went to visit her in hospital the next day with Frankie, Charlotte and a few other girls from school. I hated to go in there with everything just making noises, this wasn't what she wanted but I didn't want her to die. I needed her to live, to give me reasons to live because I need her. We left small "get well soon" gifts, which would never be opened because she didn't live for very much longer. It was 2 days later when she died and all of the noises stopped. They revealed the very real silence of death.
At the funeral everything was simply a memory that I guess I have been able to semi-forget. Nothing is as bright as the memory of the day when the accident happened. Hours, days, weeks, months have all gone by and yet I am still left like this. Living life as a zombie because everything just seems so pointless.
I feel chained to this life because all of the happiness has been sucked from me and I am not strong enough to do as Katherine did and kill myself. My family stop me but I wish that they didn't because then I would have the strength to set myself free from this world too…