What would you like to see stolen next?
a) Crown Jewels
b) Leaning Tower of Pisa
c) Grand Canyon
d) Your homework
Dedaehgib stared at the answers on the megalomaniac screen before him.
a) 108 votes
b) 154 votes
c) 86 votes
d) 184,930,326,483 votes
"I guess it's homework stealing time," he said in his dastardly voice. And that was how Dedaehgib came to decide to steal all the homework in the world.
Sitting in his dark lair, that was only dark because of the things that happened in it, not because of its aesthetics, Dedaehgib began to draw up his evil plan. Without homework, no child would ever learn a thing and he would have the power to override the next generation of dimwits. But how should he do it? He'd have to sleep on it.
The next morning Dedaehgib decided to go on a walk, for fresh air is always good for super villains. He had to come up with a super evil plan that would destroy all the homework. How would he do that? And then with a click of a light bulb, it came to him. Quickly he found himself a park bench with a little kid eating an ice-cream on it.
For a moment they both sat there in silence, until Dedaehgib spoke first. "You don't like homework do you kid?"
"Well I don't really mind it…"
Quickly Dedaehgib found himself another bench with another kid.
"You don't like homework do you kid?" He began again.
"No, only dorks like homework." He screwed up his face.
"Of course, of course. So let's say that you forgot your homework, what would you say?"
The kid look puzzled. "I don't know, I might look sad, make up some excuse."
"And what's the oldest excuse in the book."
The kid thought for a moment. "A yeti ate my homework?"
"A dog! A dog ate my homework you imbecile child!" Dedaehgib rose up to his full of 4 feet.
The kid paused, tongue lagging. "My turtle is calling me," and off the boy scurried.
Dedaehgib didn't mind, he had already shared his plan, well kind of, to another person. It was his normal procedure, no one should ever do anything alone and so now he was free to carry out his dastardly scheme.
Returning to his solitude of a lair that surrounded a marsh of no one and no thing, that could not be found on a map, he got to work building his machine. Within moments it was done, he had long since built an instant invention machine. And there before him stood the most dastardly machine of them all, with a name that had yet to come.
Standing tall before him with stringy arms of steel, and a jaw of wax covered teeth (the wax would come off later, it was a safety feature at the time), stood a metal dog. Or, more precisely, as he had just had another light bulb and come up with a name, the DOG THAT ACTUALLY WILL EAT HOMEWORK. He had also invented a machine that presented a deep voice just for names like that. It was the perfect name, except a tad too long he decided. He would call it Rover, for short.
With a shudder the large mechanical dog began to move, first shaking it's head all the way to its tail.
"Oh how cute is that!"
Dedaehgib turned surprised at the squeal. Standing not too far away was a small girl, hands clapping together in delight.
"How did you get in here?"
The girl turned to him, hands on hips. "How did you get in here?"
"Small girl big attitude," Dedaehgib murmured. He looked around for an open door, but there was none, the only way to get in was by the ceiling.
Umm, what's your name?"
"Daisy but everyone always calls me daffodil."
"Look, little… Daffodil" he said hesitantly, trying to seem nice. "Where's your mummy and daddy."
"They're looking at the lions, but I wanted to look at the doggy's."
With a slap of the forehead Dedaehgib realised what had happened. He had set a portal up at the zoo so he could easily get there, and this little girl must have stumbled in. "Well I'm sure your mummy and daddy are looking for you, let's go find them." He took her hand and began to pull her away.
"But I haven't finished looking at the doggy yet." She pulled away and ran swiftly up to Rover.
"Small girl fast legs," Dedaehgib muttered. "Don't touch tha-" But it was too late, she had touched the big green button.
Studies had shown that the colour red was more tempting and so more likely for someone to push. Green was the perfect option for a button that shouldn't be pushed, except when most people thought it meant go.
Rover was jumping up and down, almost hitting the roof, which wasn't too high since high roofs made Dedaehgib feel small.
"He is soooooo cute!" Daffodil was bouncing merrily on top of Rover, how she had gotten up there was a mystery to Dedaehgib.
"Come down from there now girlie."
"This ride is so fun!"
Dedaehgib has to override Rover. He had to get to the big purple, he was experimenting with colours, button in its mouth.
"Here Rover, here Rover."
Continuing to jump around Rover paid no attention, becoming more exaggerated each moment. Another light bulb moment coming on, Dedaehgib whipped out a sheet of homework. Immediately Rover's nose lit up.
Aha, thought Dedaehgib, this was going to work. It took only a second for Rover to find the homework and he was there, mouth open, tail wagging. Knowing he had very little time Dedaehgib stuck his hand into the mouth, this was why the wax was there, and pressed a button. Opps, wrong button.
With a crash and a bash and a smash, plus every other word like that which can be thought of, Rover collapsed in a heap of metal. Bits and pieces lay everywhere, it was a goner.
"Best ride ever!"
Infuriated Dedaehgib rose up to his full height of 4 feet and 1 centimetre, he had changed shoes. "That machine was meant to steal all the homework in the world! You're going to have to always do your homework now!"
Daffodil smiled. "I like homework, it's tasty." And she skipped merrily way and off into the portal. She stood there for a moment, looking at him. "I like you, you're funny. Wanna come see the giraffes?"
Dedaehgib looked at the broken heap of Rover. "Eh what the heck, let's go." And off Dedaehgib went to see the giraffes.
So that now is the story of how Dedaehgib almost stole all the homework in the world, and had a wonderful day watching the giraffes. Now next time you do homework, you can think of Dedaehgib and be thankful that a little girl was there to stop him. Three cheers for the little girl!... or maybe not.