July 23, 2012

Dear Diary,

Many of my friends and family know that I am one of those people who takes lying and sneaking seriously in my relationships. My belief is that if you're willing to lie to someone, then you must think that they're too stupid and gullible to see the truth. So when people lie to me for any reason, I get severely pissed off. My boyfriend knows this well, but every time I turn around, I catch him in some kind of lie. I also catch him a lot telling me things WAY after they even happened. He always asks me about trusting him, but how can I trust someone who lies to me and keep things from me every time I turn around? I can't. It drives me crazy because he's a generally good guy, but sometimes he just makes me insane. I love him more than anything, but will this continue? Am I going to have to teach him a lesson or hurt him just to get him to understand how much his bull crap hurts me? What kind of love is THAT? I think it's stupid, time and time again, that relationships are like baby sitting. It's like a stupid game. I am a serious person. I don't believe in toying with people. So the thought of someone trying to toy with me makes me go berserk. And if his lying isn't bad enough, he's one of those guys who tries to avoid all conflict. If someone hurts him, he turns the other cheek. Sometimes that's not a bad thing, but he does it to the point where he doesn't stand up for himself, even to this whole family! His family are the type who think that they're better than everyone and try to control every aspect of his life. And what does he do? Take it. Like a loyal dog. It makes me mad because he doesn't stand up for me either. His mother is constantly doing everything she can to destroy us, and I don't know how much more pressure I can take. I love him so much, and I know that if I wait, that he'll be a great man one day. But should I really waste my life away waiting for him to grow up? Please, if anyone reads this, please take this seriously. I need professional advice, hopefully from someone who's been in my shoes before.

And I'm sorry to who reads this, I just really need a friend to talk to.

This concludes my 4th entry.

Sincerely, Jess Bell