My dearest wardrobe what have you done? You used to be so much fun, stylish and top of the game. But now, you have been reduced to a shadow of your former self.
When I say "reduced" I mean it…Literally. You shrunk, you became tight, uneasy and faded with time. The last 20 or so years have been very hard on you. It's obvious, you have let yourself go. You didn't keep up with the fashions, the styles of the day and you are stuck in the 80's.
Yes, I know…You could be worse…You could be stuck in the 70's but really it's the new millennium and you never got up to speed. In the 90's you could get away with it. But come on…It's the teens nowadays. It's 2012!
My dear jeans, I am sorry I have out grown you…Physically more so than mentally, but outgrown nevertheless. You were cool to wear back when, way back when…In 1995. You were hip, you button fly and you fit like a glove. Now, you're kind of old, crusty, dusty and far from fitting like anything. You would be great if you were leg warmers though.
My cool shirts, my cool themed t-shirts that said something witty and sarcastic…You got full of holes on me. Your sarcasm, wit and spunk long gone along with my own. We had so much in common back then…But now, your just crass.
My cool leather jacket…How I wish I could wear you but you seemed to have shrunk on me. How dare you diet without me. My cool leather shoes…You walked out on me. How could you be so cruel?
But nothing as cruel as what my underwear did to me. Not only did it shrink, it got faded, old and the it just couldn't keep itself together. The bright color gone along with well fitting form. They are as bad as socks. All dingy and ragged.
Oh my dear wardrobe, how I trusted you and you let me down…And out. You're now too small, no longer cool and a mere relic from the past. I must say, the only thing that has me down more than you is my hairbrush. It keeps finding all these gray hairs and I know they just simply can't be mine.