Tonight will be
another sleepless night.
But it's okay,
I'm alright.

I'm used to not sleeping,
so I'm okay.
When it comes to me sleeping,
you don't have a say.

I won't listen to you,
my life is mine.
You better believe me
when I say I'm fine.

Circles under my eyes,
I don't care.
Reliving those rapes
isn't fair.

So I'll sit here and write,
the only thing keeping me sane.
The one thing I can do
to help ease my pain.

I don't cut anymore,
don't drink or get high.
I don't get to watch my life
slowly pass me by.

I get to sit here in fear,
never sleeping or dreaming.
I won't give in,
I won't wake up screaming.

No. Not again.
I won't be raped one more time.
In reality or in my head,
rape is still a crime.

I refuse to be raped,
I refuse to give in.
I am not going to let
exhaustion win.

I'm better than that.
I'm stronger.
I can go weeks,
maybe even longer.

A while ago, if tired,
I would go to bed.
I would cuddle with blankets
and rest my little head.

But every time I close my eyes,
he's using me as his toy.
I won't be raped again
by that demented boy.

So now, if tired,
I'll drink an energy drink,
down a couple sodas,
and come one step closer to falling off the brink.

I would willingly jump,
I wouldn't fall.
I would hear the voices,
the name they would call.

They reach out to me
by the only name I know.
Come now, Whore!
It's your time to go!

So no, I refuse to sleep.
I can stay awake.
Giving in to exhaustion
is a mistake.