Getting food to eat without permission is an art.

You have to know just what will go unnoticed, for a start.

The last of Grandma's snicker doodles surely will be missed

Find something in abundance, and the process goes like this:

Hang around the kitchen near the food you want to take.

When everybody else is either gone or not awake,

Discreetly reach your hand into the jar or box of snacks.

Grab a bunch and sneak away-be sure to leave no tracks.

Put everything away exactly where it first was found.

Leave nothing inches to the left or dropped upon the ground.

And now, though I've just told you how to make sure you are not,

I should probably tell you what to do if you are caught.

One device that's awfully nice to have in such a jam,

Is saying that the other parent let me snack- and bam!

But if you're home alone with mom or found by mom and dad,

… You probably don't have my skills and can't escape. Too bad.

Good luck to all my readers on your food-acquiring quest

You all can rest assured that you've learned filching from the best.