Dirty...used...trashy...that's all I can think of now. I always told myself that if something like this ever happened to me, I would tell someone right away. But it never seemed so real it...it always seemed like something that would never happen. I mean, I would hang out with the right crowd, I didn't go to many parties. So why...? Or more importantly...how? How did I get put in this situation? I'm a good girl! I may not go to church every Sunday, or read my Bible every day, but I always try to make the right choices. And this is what I get for it?
Something was taken away from me tonight...my innocence, my courage, my dignity, and my strength to keep moving. I just feel so...so helpless. And I didn't know what to do. So I froze. I just let him get away with it! I'm beyond mad! I'm mad with the sick man who ruined my entire life! I'm mad at God because he let this happen to me! But mostly...I'm mad at myself! Because I didn't have the courage to tell anyone for years. And I never got my chance to fight back in court. I could have helped you know? But at the time, I wasn't thinking about that. I let the fear get to me.
Being raped completely changed my life. I flinch when people touch me, I never want to go out, and I'm always alert no matter what! I can't even trust my own parents for crying out loud! ...Despite all of this, I ask God for help. Yet, I feel as if I haven't received any. It could be that I'm not listening enough. But it's hard to listen when I all I can hear is ITS voice.
Don't tell anyone about this you got that?
Just relax...I'll be gentle
I-I shudder at the thought. I have to be strong, I have to push through, and I know that. But sometimes it's just... hard. Yet, I'm writing this right now for the other people who feel the same way that I do. I'm writing this so that you guys can know that you're not alone. Take a stand! The strongest thing you can do is let someone know, and if you're feeling even stronger, take it to court. You deserve justice. Whether you are a girl who has been raped, or even a boy who has been raped. You all deserve the right to speak about it.
*This is a fictional piece, I have not actually gotten raped. I hope that I wrote down what some people who have been raped are feeling. I don't know any of you guys, but if you have been through this, you can PM me and I can try my best to help. I am so sorry to anyone who has gone through this, the important thing is to stay strong, and know that there are other people who are going through this, and who understand what it is like and will support you.